Congress Passes Law To Recognize Juneteenth, The Day Republicans Freed All The Democrats' Slaves

The Senate has unanimously passed a resolution to recognize Juneteenth as a federal holiday, commemorating the glorious day Republicans freed the last of the Democrats' slaves. "We are so proud to show the world how not racist we are by officially recognizing the day the Republicans came charging in to free all our slaves," said Senate Democrat Chuck Schumer. "Yeah-- we Democrats did a little 'whoopsie' with that whole slavery thing, but the Republicans corrected it. Thanks, Republicans!"