Rest Of Country Holds Recall Election On State Of California

Satire alert! Satire alert!
Back in 1850, the Union voted to make California the 31st state. But now Americans are taking an unusual step: holding a recall election to undo this and kick California out of the United States.
“It’s just not working out,” said Charles Mills, one of the millions of Americans who signed a petition to recall the state. “All they do is mess things up and then export how they messed things up to other states. Should have just left it a national park run by bears.”

In the recall election, Americans will vote yes or no on whether they want to recall the state of California. They will also vote on what they want to be a state instead of California if it’s recalled (so flags don’t have to be changed). Current choices include Puerto Rico, Guam, Saskatchewan, and an unoccupied patch of water in the Pacific.

“There are a lot of good choices,” said Sonya Myers, who plans to vote to recall California.

If the recall is successful, California will no longer be a part of America and will have all of its major sports teams confiscated. In addition, other states will be able to deport Californians who tried to move there, as they’ll now be foreigners and illegal immigrants. “Yee-haw!” said Texas Governor Greg “Tex” Abbott at this prospect.

As for California Governor Gavin Newsom, he seemed confused by why there was a recall election. “Everyone loves our state because everything is great here,” he said as the light above him flickered on and off, the land outside burned, and everyone who could find a U-Haul loaded up to leave the state.