Posted on May 4, 2023
White House Announces Illegal Immigration Has Decreased 90 Percent Since They Redefined It
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The White House is claiming that illegal immigration is now down over 90% thanks to them redefining what illegal immigration is.
"The President's policy of making up fake words, definitions, and stats has had a real, positive impact at the border," said black gay Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre. "Since reality itself bends to the will of whoever has the power to define it, we have been able to decrease illegal immigration drastically. We just decided that. With our words. Hooray for us!"
Experts were unsure how the numbers show a decrease in illegal immigration since unlawful border crossings are at record levels, amounting to an unprecedented humanitarian disaster. The experts quickly changed their minds, however, when they realized that the definition of "illegal immigration" had been changed by the Biden Administration. "This is genius!" said one expert. At publishing time, the administration had also announced a record 100% approval rating after redefining the meaning of the word "approve."
"The President's policy of making up fake words, definitions, and stats has had a real, positive impact at the border," said black gay Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre. "Since reality itself bends to the will of whoever has the power to define it, we have been able to decrease illegal immigration drastically. We just decided that. With our words. Hooray for us!"
Experts were unsure how the numbers show a decrease in illegal immigration since unlawful border crossings are at record levels, amounting to an unprecedented humanitarian disaster. The experts quickly changed their minds, however, when they realized that the definition of "illegal immigration" had been changed by the Biden Administration. "This is genius!" said one expert. At publishing time, the administration had also announced a record 100% approval rating after redefining the meaning of the word "approve."
White House Announces Illegal Immigration Has Decreased 90 Percent Since They Redefined It
Posted from babylonbee.comPosted in these groups: 
Satire
Political Opinions
Satire Political Opinions
Edited 1 y ago
Posted 1 y ago
Responses: 7
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SFC Casey O'Mally
Pakistan was smart enough to realize when she was going to be forced to tell easily caught out lies, so she would promise to "circle back" (and never actually do the circling) to avoid getting Doocy'ed. Psaki's lies took a bit more time to unravel - or she just stonewalled (but did so ever so politely so that when journalists pressed, THEY looked like the bad guy). A lot fewer embarrassing moments.
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SFC Casey O'Mally
SFC Casey O'Mally Really RP? Psaki = Pakistan? I really need to double check my entries before I hit 'post.'
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Maj Robert Thornton
SFC Casey O'Mally you just never know what the autocorrect is going to do once you hit post! Sometimes it is my typo, but not all the time.
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I get a kick out of all the people that lamented Trump’s lies are strangely silent on Joe and the White House. When Joe says “ not a joke” he is correct, it is usually a lie! It would be nice to tally Joe’s lies like Trump’s were. It is sad when satire is closer to the truth than the mainstream media “ news” stories.
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