Opinion: There's the problem. The fuckin' doohicky ain't in the thingamajig

I found that beating the shit out of the radio with the hand set and uttering profanity in a loud command voice usually got things going.

You see...what you have to do is get your "dual chrome lined sparkinator" aligned by using your "whizzigig calibrator".

I always found that the problem was with the loose nut behind the keyboard