Why Deep People Often Feel Alone and Misunderstood (and What They Can Do about It)

My wife tells me that I am a cat in a dogs world. My brain is on a different plane. Sometimes what is obvious to others is not to me. I will use one example. In college a few girls wanted to have intimate relations with me, but I just blew them off. I even told one gal that she would not use me for sex. I never perceived that as abnormal, but when I try to apply logic to the situation, I think it was quite abnormal. My perceptions on leadership were quite different. I put a great emphasis on the soldiers morale and having fun in the army.

My mind is ever so changing. I was good in most all of the subjects in high school and college, but my intellectual capability has been eroded. PTSD has really changed me. I have decided that I have nothing to brag about, so I should be humble.

Over the years I have been going from an introvert who did not know how to handle my intellectual capacity in my youth and have become a careful moderated extravert. Meaning that time is an effective teacher when you take the time to reflect and critically think about the world around you. The article is interesting.

There are, the "Elon Musks" of the world, those whom I totally understand and there are the _____________ of the world whose time it takes to understand them is not worth my effort because they are so self-absorbed that they don't genuinely want to be understood only catered to for their own aggrandizement. As "human-beings" we all live on this little blue ball by universal standards, so it is incumbent to try to both understand and to be understood. But the article is somewhat-correct in one area, in that, one should not desire to be "accepted as it were", rather to understand as best they can. Many years ago, > 40 now, I would ask some unique personalities I had the pleasure to serve with like my navy buddy, Don, a fellow Emergency Room corpsman in my young days who have many interesting skills to "teach me something new" whenever we would run into each other over the course of our respective navy careers. Don was a skilled martial artist and knife maker. One time I was sent to DC for a few weeks to take a course. Little did I realize I'd run into my old friend Don. We both, along with some others, were invited to a fellow Chief's house. I asked Don to teach me something new in self-defense. He demonstrated, with me as the practice dummy, a new move that was simple and powerful to deploy. The other Chiefs were amazed I asked and even more amazed that I was willing to end up on my back because of the lesson I asked for. But over the years I have used this technique with a host of people and each time it has disarmed them to the point that it feeds their ego to be asked to teach one simple lesson from something they value. This was the same way for 17-hour plane ride from the states back to Japan where I was stationed when I found myself sitting beside a professor whose English was better than mine who taught mathematics at the University of Tokyo. We had some small talk then I asked him to teach me a complex math principle in a simple manner. Well, in 15-mins I learned more about advance math because of how he used his brilliance in something important to him to teach via given parameters by the student (i.e., me). I did not shy away from someone whom I have never met, rather I chose to engage and take a chance I might learn something. Of course, learn, I did! Then we talked about a host of other things including areas I enjoyed. Made the flight interesting and not boring! Of we both slept over that period at different times. In short, he was an introvert by the very definition of the word but was a human being was willingness to share and to help me understand his world, because I opened the door and offered to want to understand.

Joining the US Navy and becoming a Hospital Corpsman drew me out in ways I never imagined.

Also, learning to sing karaoke in the presence of others whose voices were just as untrained as mine, but who wanted to connect in friendship taught me much. Of course, my wife's angelic and on-key voice would put me to shame, but that was Ok!!!

Recently a colleague I work with said "Nate, my mind does not work like your mind. I need things in a different way." To which I reply, "That is fine! We each have our roles and if you share with me the data, I need I do a deep analysis to provide simple understanding from the complexity in the data you provide. This way I continue to grow my skills and I continue to help you achieve your goals in your assigned duties to make our senior leadership shine in their roles who focus in different areas than we have been assigned to master and manage. No worries!!!" This continues to work, they download and send me data for analysis, and I continue to advance my analytical skills to support others as is my role. As a result, I am having fun creating the simple from the complex!!! What this person understands about me is that this is my job, I am willing to tackle the complex in ways they recognize they are not trained to. Yet, I am not trained to handle their duties and, perhaps, I would not want to have their job. In fact, I know I would not. So, our professional relationship works well for both of us because we respect each other. Also, in a small company we are all also friends.

I hope this response resonates with some, but if not, I am Ok with the fact it may not!

Finally, the art of human relationships is difficult and the best we can do is be willing to understand the axiom "To be understood, you must first seek to understand". When we shy away from seeking to understand by either being taught or by teaching, we miss opportunities to grow for lack of such effort and a fear of failure!

Just saying.....................................

Thanks for the share. The article seems to be equating "deep" with introverted in places, although most introverts prefer the sense of being alone.