How did you explain deployment to your kids for the first time? How did they react? What were their concerns?

My daughter was just three months old when I did my first 6 month rotation (Okinawa). We didn't want it to be a complete shock when Daddy came home. We taped (cassettes, because it was that long ago) 30 children's bed time stories. We had it recorded professionally because we wanted high sound fidelity. And we had a life size stand up picture of me in the crib side chair that my wife set up, whenever she went to bed, I was still able to "read" her bedtime stories. There was no trauma when I got home. She still has the cassettes, but we also had them digitized and she plays them for my grandkids.

My son was in kindergarten, my daughter in second grade the next time I deployed, Mediterranean MEU(SOC). I had just come off of a tour in Africa inspecting Marine Embassy Guard detachments, so they were pretty familiar with me being gone 3-5 days every week, four weeks a month. We did the bed time stories the same, but my son and my daughter were old enough to know the difference. We were completely honest in an age appropriate way, about a MEU(SOC) deployment, including the possibility of combat and what it might mean. My daughter took it all in stride. My son, not so much.

Sam wasn't a heavy kid, and he lost so much weight the school system demanded a pediatrician visit.
The pediatrician actually wrote a prescription for a slice of pie and ice cream with every dinner and did a great talk with Sam on how important it was going to be to eat that pie and ice cream.

He also cried a lot in school, and didn't have the will to stand up for himself against the school yard bullies, that he had before I left; so the school also demanded a social worker interview half way through the deployment. Fortunately, the people around Jacksonville, NC are used to these kinds of reactions from kids whose moms and dads are in the Marines. And the very first words out of the social worker's mouth when she interviewed my wife and Sam was "How long has Dad been gone?"

For about 2-3 months after I got back, Sam was pretty cool and distant with me. Then a switch was flipped and he couldn't get enough of me. He took a lot of things apart, especially clocks and small appliances. He'd bring me a box full of parts, apologize for breaking my stuff and then tell me he'd fix it himself, but he needed my help. So fixing things became our thing. I quickly learned to take him to flea markets every week so we could find things to disassemble and re-assemble.

I'm not going to lie to you, Sam's reaction to my deployment was a big factor in my decision to leave the service. I talked with a child psychologist who said that what happened with Sam was text book. The stars lined up and my 2nd deployment was just at a time when little boys don't do well with Dad being gone. He told me that girls typically did much better, but that 7th-10th grade was the worst time for young girls to have Dad deploy. He said most of the disruption would come in Jenn's relationship with her mother. The Psychologist said how quickly things got back to normal was dependent on how involved you and your wife were in your kids life when you weren't deployed, pre and post deployment.

With me knowing nothing else, the fact that you're asking, tells me that you are more self-aware than most. The separation will suck, but you and she will come out of it just fine.

There are many tools at the Garrison Family Readiness that can assist with this conversation based on the child’s age. You said you are close, so no one knows better than you what type of conversation and or depictions would assist with this. Our children and that of my Soldiers over the years reacted differently, and sometimes deployment to deployment. Remember each time you go circumstances are different for you and your unit as they will be for your family. Be honest and speak their language. Thank you for your service.

SPC (Join to see) my son was a toddler when I had to separate from him, although I sent him home with my family. I have no experience with older children and how they process this separation. But you placed your question in a good forum for the right person to see it.