Anybody know where I can find a bucket of steam and bottle of bulkhead remover?

I had a team sergeant who pulled one of these on what he thought was a fresh-faced private. I forget exactly what he asked for, I think it was maybe canopy lights or something. Long story short, the private knew exactly what was up, but played dumb. He went back to his room and took off for a few hours.

Toward the end of the day he came rolling back up for formation, walks up to the sergeant and snaps to parade rest, and says something to the effect of "Sarnt, I couldn't find your [insert whatever the thing was], so I went and asked Sarnt Stone, who told me to go see the Sarnt Major. Anyway, Sarnt Major asked me to have you report to him ASAP."

The sergeant got a red face and that "oh shiiiiii...!" look, and hauled it over to battalion HQ. He came back about ten minutes later, face still red from having reported to the Sergeant Major for no reason, and put the entire squad's junior enlisted in the front leaning rest for laughing.

My first ship (USS Coronado AGF-11) was an amphibious landing ship. Our hull techs made a four foot long "skeleton key" that weighed about 60 lbs. They kept it in after steering. Our Ops boss was infamous for sending the younguns out for the stern gate key. He was always in Combat Information Center when he sent them out. They would run down to after steering (about 10 decks down IIRC) to bring the Ops boss his stern gate key. When they were done lugging this key up the 10 decks, he would invariably tell them that was the starboard key, and he needed the port key. He would send them back down to return it.

looks like all the classics are here. The cruelest one i heard of was from a CWO3 who when enlisted used to send new Marine Tankers scurrying to the maintenance office to ask the first Marine they found there for a Mechanic's Punch.

We told a kid to go change the tread on his tires around, that his tires were on backwards. Even had the Motor Sergeant in on it. Got him good. 2 weeks later, we were doing maintenance on our trucks, and told him to go get a set of glow plugs. "Eff that, you're not getting me again." :) Good times.

This is a Navy twidget one: Saw an FC2 actually get an ensign take an ink-and-paper requisition to their department head for a repair part: a "fallopian tube."

In the LAV community we had a LOT of gear on board that was often used to determin if the New crewmen had been paying attention in School of Infantry, Mechanic, or Communications.

1. Roll of Shoreline (to tie down the Antennas)
2. Tube of Frequency Grease (to lubricate the outbound transmissions)
3. A Box of Gridsquares ( for the sandtable briefs)
4. Check the 10, 30 and the 90 wt oil and check the "Spark plugs" (Engine is Diesel)
5. Digital Bull Prick (for the Ground modem) leading them to believe we will have cable internet in the field just by driving a spike in the ground. Then keep asking them why we don't have internet

It's all very believable if you sell it right. And its a great way to have them find the places aroud camp so when they really need something they don't waste time wandering around looking for where to go.

Go to Supply and get a roll of flight line.
Armory needs Tracer Paint and Back Blast Bags.
S-3 needs a Map Board Stretcher.
Lt the Maj left his Jeep Keys on your desk. Where did they go ?

PO3 (Join to see) It disturbs me on so many levels, personally, professionall, sailorly...that I'm stunned. Your previous chain of command were remiss in not educating you in the esoterics of all things NAVY! I am ashamed .... so ashamed......

However, there is a silver lining to this cloud....I will be pleased to offer you the opportunities to gain personal experience and knowlege regarding these oh-so-important moments in your life.

E-tool qualification

The game is to get 5 or so boots together, in line. Have them kneel on the dirt, place a quarter on the ground in front of them, remove their covers, get blind folded, and hand them an E-tool (shovel).

You tell them that they have 60 seconds to attack the quarter with the E-tool (while blindfolded), whoever has the most nicks in the quarter gets out of firewatch.

The fun begins when the quarters are removed prior to the start and their covers are placed in front of them instead. 60 seconds of hacking away with a shovel at a cover does a lot of damage.

Sit back and enjoy as the 5 boots run around trying to find a servicable cover before someone "squares them away"

"Go talk to the 1SG about the PRC-E8 he has. It's the only one that still works."
"Go to S1 and turn in your ID10T form."
"Go to the hangar basement and grab some rotor wash for me."
"The greeting of the day for the commander is 'Sniper check.' He thinks it's hilarious."