Deployment
Humor
PFC Dydasco,
Here is by FAR the funniest deployment conversation I've ever been apart of, let me paint the picture!
Iraq, September 2010
My buddy (LITERALLY A DAY OLD SGT) and I (A DAY OLD SPC) are sitting in our shop playing WWE on X-Box. We were apart of a 4 man commo team that supported our BDE CDR at our COB, but also had an Infantry BN with us, and with that, come hardcore, tough as nails CSMs and 1SGs.
While Im kicking his a** in WWE, he goes "I've got to take a sh*t so bad, but were all out of TP!" So I say, just go hit up the porta-johns outside the compound, its right there. He says f&ck it, and grabs a stack of brown paper towels we use in the latrines and jets out the door.
About 15 minutes later, he comes back and says "Oh sh*t, I think Im in trouble!" He goes "I went to the latrine inside the TOC (Latrines had stalls with NO DOORS and NO TOILET SEATS, so all you could do was piss)..So I respond with..soooooo how did you...ya know ? He goes "I hovered over the shitter!!" Im laughing my ass off...then he says, right when I dropped a shit, a MAJ (BN XO) walked in, looks right at me while Im hovering and goes "Who the f&ck are you?!" My buddy tells him who he is, and the MAJ walks off. So Im like "Well, if he walked off your good, cause a MAJ would've done SOMETHING by now!" No shit, the second I get done saying that, the biggest, meanest 1SG I've ever seen in my life kicks the door in and bellows "WHO THE F&&K IS SGT WHITTEN?!?!" My buddy goes "I am, 1SG!" 1SG yells as if his feelings were hurt, "You took a shit in my latrine!!!! GO PICK THAT SHIT UP WITH YOUR F&CKING HANDS DIRTBAG AND GET THAT SHIT OUT OF MY TOILET! YOU DIDNT EVEN FLUSH ASSHOLE!!!!" As soon as 1SG left, I about died laughing my ass off as I watched my buddy literally pick up his own shit with his bare hands and take it to a dumpster!
http://the-military-guide.com/2011/04/07/sea-story-hang-on/
"The juice just ain't worth the squeeze!"
"I've got a Brain! (and it works like a squirrel)"
"Hay, Serge, is the moon still out?", me.
"Yes, and?", Serge.
"I see the moon in my scope.", me.
"What'a @#$% you are talking about? You are looking in the south.", Serge, "Let me see...".
...
"You, dumba**, that's S@#$%^@. put that sh*% on low mag.", Serge.
"Oh..." .... "Damn! That's some hot sh** he is dropping.", me.
LOL from all (driver, gunner (me), Serge, assault team leader - on crew helmet inside the Bradley).
"Shut'a !@#$ up get back on the target and finish bore sighting.", Serge.
3 hours later...
"All unit moving out...", over the comm.
...
"Ok, let's go driver.", Serge.
"... as a we are imparted into the valley, shadow of dearth, we shall fear no evil...", me.
"Shut'a !@#$ up. This is not Desert Storm!.", Serge cut in, "Besides, you are Buddhist."
"Yeah, you are right.", me, "While you were having fun playing video game with the Iraqi, I was waiting for my plane in Germany."
"It ain't video game, A558013.", Serge. "Before 93 East'ing my drinking buddy got Maverick by the Apache. Sh** ain't fun as you think. ... You'll see."
A many years later, I'll be damn, he was right. Your friends don't die in a video game. You don't have to console their survivors.
Dedicated to our fallen comrades. RIP.
Portashitter story: Had one guy in my unit who spent $900 on a combat knife. Long story short, he dropped into the portashitter hole. He went in after it. Yuck!
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