Can you describe how you felt coming home from a deployment or combat?

Back in 1965 returning from SE Asia, stopped in the Philippines, then took a plane to the USA, when I arrived at Travis Air Force Base it was the same time and day I left SE Asia (this was due to time zones), then needed to take a commercial plane to St.Louis, Mo. where my wife and my daughter (that I did not meet yet) were and was told that all interstates commercial airlines were on strike, luckily and knowing that the USAF would find a way, I was asked where I was going then they told me that they can put me on a plane going to and Air Force Base in Kansas City Kansas and from the I could take an intrastate commercial plane, long trip but finally arrived in Sr.Louis and was able to meet my daughter that was 9 months old, kissed her a thousand times. Never forgot this journey.

Returning from a combat tour in Iraq 2004, I felt numb and disconnected. I was the Course Supervisor for a Navy Class A School, and was disgusted with students coming to me with small issues that were truly of no consequence. I took to posting the daily US Forces death count on my door and instructing students to report back when their issue measured up to those losses. Although I earned Instructor of the Year for my role abroad and on station, I still weep for the totality of that year and what it cost us all. RIP my Brothers and Sisters.

It wasn't a deployment, but when I got back from Korea, I came back to an empty barracks room. It was too late to order pizza or anything, but there was a basket of things like a mini bag of Lays, a bottle of water, and some other snacks. I sat alone in my barracks room, munching on chips before I went to sleep. I didn't have the words to describe it, but the best words for it would be lonely and thankful.

For the first few weeks after I returned from Afghanistan in NOV 2009, I was happy to be home and relieved to be out of the war zone, but after that things became a little strained. There were times when leaving the house to go to work was awkward because I would often check for my weapon (which was not there) and a couple of times go back in the house to look for it. And don't start about sudden loud sharp noises making me jump and sometimes look for a bunker to go in. But when that started to ease up (with help). I began realizing that my wife and 3 yr old son had formed a super tight bond on several levels and I was not allowed in on some. I was just the guy on the computer screen called Daddy. I left 1 week before his 2nd Birthday and returned 1 week before his 3rd Birthday. I missed a lot of formative moments with him that I can never get back. I know for sure that is one sacrifice a Soldier makes when they go to war. He knew That I had gone to fight the bad people but he really did not know what that meant. Now that my son is approaching 16 yoa, that unique bond is still there and I still aint allowed in. No inside jokes and no unspoken messages either.

I didn’t….. feel that is. I didn’t care, nothing mattered to me period. I felt like a failure for not completing the mission of completely liberating Iraq. We did a lot seriously but when I got home I didn’t recognize all that we did. I applauded my officers and my soldiers but inside I was empty. The people we post, injuries to myself and those close to me, nothing mattered and therefore I didn’t feel. I actually took off in my car for about three weeks and just drove to “be away”. Married with a young daughter I couldn’t face them. It was a strange feeling to not feel. Even today if issues don’t involve a serious threat of death to myself or others then what’s the worth? I’m better but still face a lot of ptsd. I do care more, new marriage, reconciling with many people but it’s a long road.

When I returned no yellow ribbons, no crowds of people, no bands just people calling us baby killers. I Rember getting something to eat in the airport and watching a man in a business suit eat, we kept staring at him, because it seemed so strange to see something like that. When I got home none of my friends wanted to hear about where I’d been. That’s why I talk very little about my experience.
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I came home from Vietnam, knowing that we had no business there. I had expressed this opinion and the reasons why to a high-level cabinet Washington official, in the Johnson administration. When my thirty days' leave was up I reported to my final duty station, Fort Lewis, Washington. In the last five months of my enlistment, I tried to prepare those 4th Infantry Division MPs for some of the things they would encounter, when the division shipped over some months later. Today, I still tell people my opinions when asked.

Like I did not do enough and failed.

I had 24 months in Alaska during a very real Cold War and three deployments.

The last one was the one I remembered the most. We were told what to wear and pack. We had to have someone bring us to the base because we weren't allowed to drive there -- you know the old Russian spy satellite thing. Weren't told what we were doing but were issued an "A" bag and I was issued my third set of dog tags.

We were loaded into the C-130 and watched as the last thing loaded were M-16s, M-60s and all of the live ammunition to go with them.

Thirteen hours in a C-130 jump seat is not for the weak at heart. Arrival in-country was when we found out why we were there. I was an E-6 at the time and learned at the destination that I was the ranking member of a team that had a mix of A/D Air Force, Reserve, and National Guard. There was a lot of tension just waiting and knowing very little.

At Bug Out, we flew out of country and returned to a base where I just crashed on a bed at a TAQ and slept for eight hours. Returning to home base, I friend snapped a photo of me about 20 minutes after I disembarked from the C-130, and I just looked exhausted.

When I finally got home, it was a feeling that I still find hard to describe because I wasn't allowed to say where I had been and what I had done. Then the big joke was a hometown news release in the local paper that said I had been sent to a country I never set foot on.

I felt on top of the world on all three tours to Viet Nam. I felt like I could do anything. Confidence!!!!!!!