What options do I have to defer or cancel my PCS orders due to the housing wait at the new duty station?

Your retention NCO did not lie to you, and I don't see how deferring your PCS changes the situation, it's still the same wait time for on post, no matter when you go.
There are E4s at JBLM today, living off post with BAH, you're not the first one to do this.
Houses are renting for around $2000, and less for apts.
Your BAH will be $2034 and your total pay will be around $5120, you'll be fine.

If you requested it through reenlistment, you can cancel it. You can defer it up to 120 days with a valid reason, but waiting on housing is not a valid reason for the Army.

Finding a place to live at JBLM is hard, and buying a house is next to impossible. But, most places only require 1st month rent and a security deposit of one month's rent, and most of those will allow military to spread the security deposit over several months.

When I moved to JBLM I took out a personal loan because I was returning from overseas without a car, phone, or place to live. You will receive a Dislocation Allowance of several thousand dollars to help offset the cost of moving and deposits, you can also take a month of advanced pay and an advance on your DLA. This is all part of the finance portion of your levy brief

With SFC (Join to see), SGM Jeff Mccloud, SSgt Christophe Murphy and CW3 (Join to see) on this issue.

You can't cancel a PCS without just cause and this doesn't qualify. Housing is at a premium DOD wide. This is part of the life.

You might need to consider alternate housing options for your family while you await on-post housing. If you live on-post now, check with the housing office to determine how long your family could remain in post housing after you depart. (If there's an excess of housing at your current assignment, the contract-landlord may be happy to have your family stay and pay for additional months.) Other options include moving family in with relatives.

Also, check in with the housing office at your new installation. Get a list of approved landlords or locations. You may find that the entire housing market isn't as dire as you might have been told. Also, your housing allowance is adjusted for location, so you might be able to handle the rent. Most landlords know exactly how much housing allowance is for each grade. They set their rents so they can get as much of the housing allowance as possible. Talk to your sponsor. See where other unit members live. Be ready to drive for a good distance to get to affordable housing.

A long time ago, we moved into a high-cost area. We lived in the Temporary Living Facility while we looked for off-base housing. We found a duplex for just under our housing allowance + our cost-of-living allowance. We signed a month-to-month lease and then moved on-base 4 months later. It was the nicest base housing we had during my 22 years.

You’re probably not going to get a deferral for this situation, as this is a norm in the Army.

Was a Bliss from 07-10 and 15-18….there are a ton of places to live in El Paso. If you’re light on cash, you can also request a pay advance to cover your rent. I actually did that when I was a Sergeant (E5). It’d probably be better for you to request it from your current command.