Posted on Jul 12, 2023
Is it standard or even typical as a form of disciplinary action for an NCO to call a soldier's parents to complain about the service member?
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Hello Rallypoint Members!
I have a question regarding disciplinary actions that I have received from my detachment SFC. So I got myself into some trouble with an MP (argued with an MP after having a few beers), not gonna go into great detail (I own the mistakes that I made) but I am confused about one thing that my detachment sergeant has done regarding my disciplinary actions. The day after my altercation with the MP’s, my detachment SFC called me into her office, she informed me about what reprimands I could be facing (which I expected) but she also made me write down my mother and father’s phone numbers and she actually called them to tell them how much of a dirt bag I had been (which I did not expect). I am a grown man and can face the legal and moral repercussions of my own actions but was taken aback to find out that my NCO had called my family to inform them of the mistakes that I had made. Is this standard procedure in the military or even a typical form of disciplinary action for an NCO to make?
Any and all input is appreciated!
Thanks!
I have a question regarding disciplinary actions that I have received from my detachment SFC. So I got myself into some trouble with an MP (argued with an MP after having a few beers), not gonna go into great detail (I own the mistakes that I made) but I am confused about one thing that my detachment sergeant has done regarding my disciplinary actions. The day after my altercation with the MP’s, my detachment SFC called me into her office, she informed me about what reprimands I could be facing (which I expected) but she also made me write down my mother and father’s phone numbers and she actually called them to tell them how much of a dirt bag I had been (which I did not expect). I am a grown man and can face the legal and moral repercussions of my own actions but was taken aback to find out that my NCO had called my family to inform them of the mistakes that I had made. Is this standard procedure in the military or even a typical form of disciplinary action for an NCO to make?
Any and all input is appreciated!
Thanks!
UCMJ
Paralegal NCO
1SG
SFC
JAG
Posted >1 y ago
Responses: 217
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What in the TOXIC command BS is that?? That NCO is Way out of line. Standard for BS NCO's or commands to do, but no, its not right, its not standard, and its not something anyone should do. That is unbecoming of an NCO for sure. Had a crap command before, and while she drove me close to the edge of needing suicide watch (along with several others in the platoon), she didnt drag my parents into it. Gloves would have been off of she called up my dying mom to tell my mom how much of a deplorable she thought I was. Hell no. Not OK.
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This never should be done. Way out of line. I would strongly consider a a formal complaint. You are an adult. Schedule a Judge Advocate meeting through your platoon sgt, if questioned tell him it is a private matter. Get advice from the JAG, then you will have and know your options.
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I would suggest speaking with the IG. I don’t know for sure if this is any sort of policy, regulation, or legal violation, but IMO, without your expressed consent, without being obtained under duress, this is grossly unprofessional.
I think the best test for what is appropriate, is always to flip the scenario. Would it be appropriate for you to call her parents if she were a toxic leader? If that isn’t appropriate, they why would it be appropriate for her to call yours about something negative? You’re a grown adult
I think the best test for what is appropriate, is always to flip the scenario. Would it be appropriate for you to call her parents if she were a toxic leader? If that isn’t appropriate, they why would it be appropriate for her to call yours about something negative? You’re a grown adult
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No. You’re a grown adult responsible for your own actions. SFC can kick rocks. You should have exchanged yours for hers, so you could call her parents and tell them what a horrible leader she is..
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No, it is not.! The Army is not a kindergarten, grade school or high school. You have owned up to your misconduct. Your lesson will be with you for many years to come. It is all part of your growth as a human and as a soldier. Stay the course. Keep growing!
Your detachment SFC has lost your trust. She went outside the Army. She is in for a reprimand at the least. Do report this to the inspector general or, better yet, report it up your chain of command. And if all else fails, your congressional representative.
Your detachment SFC has lost your trust. She went outside the Army. She is in for a reprimand at the least. Do report this to the inspector general or, better yet, report it up your chain of command. And if all else fails, your congressional representative.
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This was absolutely inappropriate. You are an adult, and I don't care whether you were in training or at a permanent assignment. After over 30 years of service and in every rank structure, (enlist/NCO (drill instructor), commissioned officer to include as a company commander and warrant officer (retired as CW4)), I have not only never heard of anything like that but have never done it. You are an adult in the military and you need to take personal responsibility for your own actions. If you want to talk with your parents over it, that is your decision. Personally, I feel that this should have been brought up with the chain of command and she should have been counselled/disciplined for her actions, still, just my opinion. Good luck.
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Certainly sounds like some piss poor leadership, or the lack thereof, in my opinion. She could not figure out how to handle your discipline issues so she calls mommy and daddy to do her job…
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You can make of it what you will.
On one hand, she really wanted to get you on the straight and narrow. You really don't want to start your career developing a bad reputation.
On the other hand, I wonder about her abilities as a leader IF she couldn't get you to see the light of day.
Is it possible that you really are a dirt bag? Are you too immature to act like a man and keep yourself out of trouble?
During my 9 years of service, I only had to write up 3 people. Two of them got the book thrown at them, one of which ended up with the Big Chicken Dinner. The third one was granted leniency.
The difference?
Two of them lied and I had no tolerance for liars. If I can't trust you to speak to me truthfully, I can't trust you to have my back in the heat of battle.
The third on saw his screw up, manned up, and corrected himself. He was a good marine. He just made a mistake.
Hopefully, you just made a mistake. If you were the dirtbag, I suspect you would be getting more attention than you wanted from your command.
As for calling your parents, I, most likely, would never have done that. Once you graduated from basic, you became responsible for your actions. If you couldn't make the adjustment, you would reap what you sowed. My wish, and goal, would be to see you become a good soldier/marine/sailor/airman who matures and grows out of childhood.
On one hand, she really wanted to get you on the straight and narrow. You really don't want to start your career developing a bad reputation.
On the other hand, I wonder about her abilities as a leader IF she couldn't get you to see the light of day.
Is it possible that you really are a dirt bag? Are you too immature to act like a man and keep yourself out of trouble?
During my 9 years of service, I only had to write up 3 people. Two of them got the book thrown at them, one of which ended up with the Big Chicken Dinner. The third one was granted leniency.
The difference?
Two of them lied and I had no tolerance for liars. If I can't trust you to speak to me truthfully, I can't trust you to have my back in the heat of battle.
The third on saw his screw up, manned up, and corrected himself. He was a good marine. He just made a mistake.
Hopefully, you just made a mistake. If you were the dirtbag, I suspect you would be getting more attention than you wanted from your command.
As for calling your parents, I, most likely, would never have done that. Once you graduated from basic, you became responsible for your actions. If you couldn't make the adjustment, you would reap what you sowed. My wish, and goal, would be to see you become a good soldier/marine/sailor/airman who matures and grows out of childhood.
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WOW, your basic is WAY different than mine. Back in Jan 68 they'd have just shipped your ass off to Nam. Call your parents. Awwwwww are you a big boy now. And I'm laughing my a$$ off over a DI calling parents. Thanks for a major belly laugh.
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