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As most of you know I'm not really religious, but the chaplain at our unit has become a good friend of mine and I told him this story a few days ago.
Since I was a kid I've always had issues with depression and, you might say, suicidal thoughts. But after A'stan and seeing countless soldiers, Marines, and Afghans come through missing limbs or dead I've never even thought about suicide again. I came out of A'stan with a PTSD that seems to make me cherish life even more. Every person I watched die just made me want to be around my kids.
I know we see a lot of stories about PTSD and suicide, wondering if anyone else had something of the reverse like I did... go in with issues and come out loving life even more.
Since I was a kid I've always had issues with depression and, you might say, suicidal thoughts. But after A'stan and seeing countless soldiers, Marines, and Afghans come through missing limbs or dead I've never even thought about suicide again. I came out of A'stan with a PTSD that seems to make me cherish life even more. Every person I watched die just made me want to be around my kids.
I know we see a lot of stories about PTSD and suicide, wondering if anyone else had something of the reverse like I did... go in with issues and come out loving life even more.
PTSD
Suicide
Edited 11 y ago
Posted 11 y ago
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MAJ (Join to see) thanks for sharing and thank you for the time you served over there. I don't think I've ever heard a perspective like this and I'm truly happy you have been able to hunt the good stuff after your experiences. I hope that everybody who is struggling with things they have seen and experienced never forgets that we are one giant bang-bang family and we always have each other to lean on!
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PO2 Heather Ashby
As to writing that book, great idea! I have a writing colleague, SSgt Shawn Garrett, USMC-ret who healed his PTSD through writing fiction. His first book releases from Jabari & Jaser publishers this month (October 2014). I feel that his words are going to help a lot of troops heal. And I'm sure yours would too. Blessings.
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I npersonally haven't deployed but i have a type of PTSD from my past with what occured between me and my dad. Since joining and being with marines and listening to their stories and talking with them the same has happened to me. it's made me realize that yeah crappy stuff happens you see and have bad things happen to you but it makes you appreciate what you have in life even more.
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MAJ (Join to see)
HN (Join to see) I closed my little brother's eyes right after he died. You never outlive those things. But now I kiss my son every day because you never know what is going to happen. Real life doesn't have a "do-over". My mom said something I always think about, as my brother was dying - "you only get to do this once, so do it right".
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HN (Join to see)
Major, I've had pretty close to the same as you except fro a brother or sister it was my mother. She passed away when i was 6 and it was only me and my sister there in her last moments. She had a brain Tumor (Gleo Blastoma) and was given 4 months to survive and survived for 4 years for me and my sister. Seeing and remembering her strength is what gave me the strength to get through what happened with my dad for myself. Thats the main reason im in the military. I had always thought about joining but was told i would never amount to anything but i followed in my mothers footsteps and never lost my strength and kept fighting for what i wanted. Now i've been in for 3.5 years and plan to make it a career.
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I know the feeling sir, I lost my brother to AIDS in 03. My first tour to Iraq was a rough one, a near miss by a sniper and a rocket attack on the ALOC on top of the everyday killing made it hard to function. I'm currently getting the help I need and I thank you for sharing your story. We often hear of the "Iron Major" but forget that we are all human!
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The background on this gentlemen is that he didn't get the help he needed at first.
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MAJ Ian Dews,
Thank you for this important post and for sharing. I too found myself feeling and wanting to stay more alive after returning from Iraq. However, a series of assignment issues created a sense of self-doubt which remained the rest of my career. It was, as if, the best thing I ever did in my career was deploy and then my career died off. While I agree my deployment to Iraq was the high point of my career, the Command climate when I returned was what exacerbated these feelings and turned them into a seething and self-loathing period in my life.
Again, thank you for your post,
SFC Joseph M. Finck USA (Ret)
Thank you for this important post and for sharing. I too found myself feeling and wanting to stay more alive after returning from Iraq. However, a series of assignment issues created a sense of self-doubt which remained the rest of my career. It was, as if, the best thing I ever did in my career was deploy and then my career died off. While I agree my deployment to Iraq was the high point of my career, the Command climate when I returned was what exacerbated these feelings and turned them into a seething and self-loathing period in my life.
Again, thank you for your post,
SFC Joseph M. Finck USA (Ret)
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MAJ (Join to see) thanks for sharing this. Studies on PTSD indicate that it's not purely psychological, but that subtle chemical changes can take place as a result of highly stressful or traumatic events. Could it be that depending on the chemical make-up PRIOR to these events that these "subtle changes" can actually be beneficial in some people? It does certainly make one wonder.
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MAJ (Join to see) Finding that you cherish loved ones even more than you thought possible after a deployment is always wonderful. Seeing friends, comrades, other SM's dying or dead is mind numbing. Coming home with a renewed appreciation of what you left behind - priceless.
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Your story is an inspiration to all. I am glad that you have tackled your demons and your sharing your story will undoubtedly assist someone else. Please keep doing it. There are many people out there who are facing similar difficulties. Being able to see that they can be overcome may just save their lives. I am very happy for you and your family. Bless you all.
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MAJ, there is an excellent article in NAVY TIMES (June 30, 2014) in the "Kevlar for the Mind" column. The article is "War's trauma may lead to improved quality of life" by Bret A. Moore. It addresses EXACTLY what you are saying! That you developed an appreciation for what you have, your family, etc. God bless you and yours.
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