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Hello, my people! I was recently asked to provide input on an NCOER we're writing for an E-6 who recently transferred to our shop. His losing unit did not write him an outgoing NCOER, so of course it falls on us to pick up the pieces.
The losing unit sang his praises, offering gushing adoration for this guy. But when we pressed them for bullets, they were unable to come up with anything concrete. Their failure to point to specific accomplishments more or less matches our observation of him.
He's a guy that would probably do well if we still had SP6 as a rank. So when my counterpart (his new rater) asked for bullets, this was my tongue-in-cheek reply:
* Can successfully inhale and exhale in sequence without supervision
* Routinely laces boots without causing loss of circulation to feet
* Surfs social media on his cellphone better than any other E-6 I've observed
* Maintains steady temperature in whatever chair he is occupying
So I thought I'd throw this topic out to all of you. Any humorous evaluation comments you've seen, or wish you could've included in writing one? Please share!
The losing unit sang his praises, offering gushing adoration for this guy. But when we pressed them for bullets, they were unable to come up with anything concrete. Their failure to point to specific accomplishments more or less matches our observation of him.
He's a guy that would probably do well if we still had SP6 as a rank. So when my counterpart (his new rater) asked for bullets, this was my tongue-in-cheek reply:
* Can successfully inhale and exhale in sequence without supervision
* Routinely laces boots without causing loss of circulation to feet
* Surfs social media on his cellphone better than any other E-6 I've observed
* Maintains steady temperature in whatever chair he is occupying
So I thought I'd throw this topic out to all of you. Any humorous evaluation comments you've seen, or wish you could've included in writing one? Please share!
Humor
Evaluations
NCOER
OER
Posted 11 y ago
Responses: 396
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"Easily my number 5 out of all 3 members in his rank"
"A Capt that almost exceeds most expectations of an Airman Basic"
"A Capt that almost exceeds most expectations of an Airman Basic"
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Someone in my shop wrote their own eval (they're the only one in their department, so he wrote his own eval.) and as a joke for their LPO, who they thought would review the email, he wrote "HN *redacted* has mastered the art of jerking off with his office door open." LPO didn't review the evaluation, and sent it all the way up.
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"The lights are flashing, the gates are down... But the train just ain't coming!"
"Is depriving a village somewhere of their idiot"
"Has reached rock bottom and started digging"
"Should have the mothership beam him back up"
"Sets low standards and consistently fails to achieve them... Under supervision"
"Is depriving a village somewhere of their idiot"
"Has reached rock bottom and started digging"
"Should have the mothership beam him back up"
"Sets low standards and consistently fails to achieve them... Under supervision"
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I knew a CW3 Kiowa Warrior Maintenance Test Pilot who wasn't in favor with his commander. On his OER, the "positions best suited for" were Key Control Officer, Fire Marshall, and FOD Officer. Boy was he mad about that.
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* Can be depended upon to be the first Soldier in the platoon to complain
* Was the only Soldier in a 900 Soldier Task Force to loose positive control of his equipment before leaving the departure airfield.
* Sets low goals for himself and continually fails to achieve them
* Demonstrates the professionalism and military bearing expected of an Initial Entry Training Soldier.
* Set the Battalion Record for most trials by Courts Martial in a single rating period.
* Was the only Soldier in a 900 Soldier Task Force to loose positive control of his equipment before leaving the departure airfield.
* Sets low goals for himself and continually fails to achieve them
* Demonstrates the professionalism and military bearing expected of an Initial Entry Training Soldier.
* Set the Battalion Record for most trials by Courts Martial in a single rating period.
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The British Military writes OFR's (officer fitness reports). The form used for Royal Navy and Marines fitness reports is the S206. The following are actual excerpts taken from people's "206's"....
- His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.
- I would not breed from this Officer.
- This Officer is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't-be.
- When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.
- He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction.
- He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.
- Technically sound, but socially impossible.
- This Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope - always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere.
- This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
- When he joined my ship, this Officer was something of a granny; since then he has aged considerably.
- This Medical Officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar.
- Since my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig.
- She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
- He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age.
- This Officer should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better.
- In my opinion this pilot should not be authorized to fly below 250 feet.
- The only ship I would recommend this man for is citizenship.
- Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap
- This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
- Only occasionally wets himself under pressure
- His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.
- I would not breed from this Officer.
- This Officer is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't-be.
- When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.
- He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction.
- He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.
- Technically sound, but socially impossible.
- This Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope - always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere.
- This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
- When he joined my ship, this Officer was something of a granny; since then he has aged considerably.
- This Medical Officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar.
- Since my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig.
- She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
- He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age.
- This Officer should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better.
- In my opinion this pilot should not be authorized to fly below 250 feet.
- The only ship I would recommend this man for is citizenship.
- Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap
- This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
- Only occasionally wets himself under pressure
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MAJ Stephen Barnard
There is also a whole genre of positive ones as well, such as "This Officer thinks he walks on water. I tend to agree with him." (!!)
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In a civilian job, one guy I worked with had an evaluation which included: "if any dumber, would need to be watered twice a week". Needless to say, he didn't stay long.
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One of the favorites I wrote was "Consistently strives to be mediocre & occasionally meets that goal". I put it in as a joke thinking supervision would yank it. It stayed.
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Actually this was one of mine, so I'm calling myself out:
"Successfully installed filter between brain and mouth."
Many of my current colleagues would disagree, but I seriously did have an issue when I first came in for being, erm, a bit too honest with my opinions. Took me a bit to finally realize that I shouldn't be telling a full-bird stuff during a CC call that I should have told my supervisor in his office first.
"Successfully installed filter between brain and mouth."
Many of my current colleagues would disagree, but I seriously did have an issue when I first came in for being, erm, a bit too honest with my opinions. Took me a bit to finally realize that I shouldn't be telling a full-bird stuff during a CC call that I should have told my supervisor in his office first.
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