Posted on Oct 8, 2016
SN Kevin Neff
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I'm a newlywed. My wife has never been away from me for a period of time, but I'm used to being away from loved ones. She's clingy, but she grasping the idea of that I may be away for a while. How did you deal with it when you are your spouse went away for a while? I don't want her to succumb to separation anxiety because she couldn't handle being apart.
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Responses: 19
Col Rebecca Lorraine
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Hey Kevin, I'm sorry you are experiencing difficulty in this, but I would encourage her to work, build her own life and not be emotionally so dependent on you. If she has a close friend or family, that can help her with loneliness. I also took on hobbies and projects that got me thinking of other things. Stay in touch and tell her your proud of whatever she decides. Maturity and being young newlyweds can make this worse, but your relationship can grow if you work on the separation piece.
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SN Kevin Neff
SN Kevin Neff
>1 y
Hopefully that's something I can get her to work on. I hopefully want to be somewhere where she'll have support close by so she wouldn't have to deal with it by herself.
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Col Rebecca Lorraine
Col Rebecca Lorraine
>1 y
SN Kevin Neff - Having a support system is helpful, but she has to step out and look for things that she can create, meet people and build her confidence. Best wishes, and maybe others will have some advice for you.
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Sgt Wayne Wood
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Tread carefully... i was four months late for my WEDDING.... cutoff... that was not a good start.
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SPC Ross Temple
SPC Ross Temple
>1 y
LOL life is funny
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Sgt Wayne Wood
Sgt Wayne Wood
>1 y
Yeah... my future first wife was not amused... in the subsequent 3years of the marriage we were only together an aggregate total of 13 months... 50% absent. If the Marines wanted you to have a wife, they'd issue one. If you are subject ti frequent or long deployments think about this... God/church community will help.
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GySgt Legal Services Specialist
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You said you are newly weds and you both are probably still new to the military. Has she ever lived independently or lived by herself for any real amount of time? Does she work? Do you have kids? Has she gone to college or does she have a skill? If she isn't working, why not? What does she do when you are at work? What happens if you don't answer her calls when you are at work?

These are questions I would ask my Marines when they had a clingy wife. The answers to the questions helped push the direction of the help required.

She definitely should go see a counselor...that probably means you will go with her to a session or two, as well.
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SN Kevin Neff
SN Kevin Neff
>1 y
I'm prior service and am re-enlisting. Went to college. Works from home. I have a kid, we don't. She normally sleeps(3rd shift work). I agree, I think a session or two would help.
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GySgt Legal Services Specialist
GySgt (Join to see)
>1 y
I would recommend marriage counseling. Not that your marriage is in trouble but eventually all that will start to weigh you down and start detracting from what you can give to with your career. Like others have stated, if she has a life that doesn't necessarily revolve around you, it will give you things to talk about and help her get a sense of independence which will enhance your relationship.SN Kevin Neff -
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GySgt Legal Services Specialist
GySgt (Join to see)
>1 y
I forgot to mention that it is admirable that you are trying to make this work. Hopefully you can get the guidance that will make this work out and allow you to do what you want in the Navy. SN Kevin Neff -
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How did you deal with separation for the first time?
PO1 Cryptologic Technician (Technical)
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Have her understand that there are spouses out there who are dealing with the same thing she is. Have her get involved with other families within the community where you are living, introduce her to shipmates in your shop that have spouses that are going through or have been through the same thing (have get-togethers, cookouts, etc.). Get family involved with it, let her know that she isn't alone (schedule visits). Help her with getting finances set up, medical stuff, etc. so when you are gone, it will be easier on her to facilitate things. Have your spouse get a group hobby that all share.
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Lt Col John (Jack) Christensen
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It will be easy for you, you'll be too busy to dwell on separation. You wife needs to rely on the support groups available at your home station. Don't know what you living situation is (on or off base) but if she is on base there will be lots of support from wives who are in the same boat. On base there will be lots of stopping by to see how you're doing etc., living off base this still will happen but perhaps not as often. She needs to become active in wives clubs, hobbies, etc. and if she works it's a good chance to work on refining her job skills. In today's world of internet and cell phones you will still be able to communicate regularly, not like when I was deployed, so it's not like you'll never be able to talk with each other.
Its really a great chance for her to learn that she can be self sufficient. You should encourage her to start working on some project that the two of you may have been planning. My wife actually planned and completed finishing of a basement while I was on a remote assignment. Biggest thing is your attitudes, you both need to think of the separation as a challenge, not some awful thing that you must endure.
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Veronika Holmberg-Kicakova
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Hello! My husband is gone a lot. A lot a lotm he is gone every week and comming home for weekends. I came here to the US in June from Europe. We met there and got married here, after just 2 weeks being rogerher he was gone for the first week. Everything here was new for me, I have never been here before. But I found out that the easiest way how to not go crazy when he is gone is stay busy. I planned stuffs to do when he is at home and then I just go and do my list. I do some crafts, clean the house, go out to the city or for a hike woth the dog. I haven't made lots friends yet and I hope it will change with living on post and when I start to attend some sport classes. But if you will be gone it will be good for her to plan as much things as possible to do. It will keep her from thinking about being alone and separate and also you should be in touch at least once a day. It will help a lot too. I will hold my fingers crossed !
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SPC Brian Mason
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Never say never. She did just fine before you two met. Both of you are going to have to, yes HAVE to prepare and deal with it. Those that won't/don't will succumb to doing things to fill the void. Unfortunately, I was affected by this. My ex-wife cheated during a deployment. It's quite common in the military.
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MSG Floyd Williams
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Congratulations on your marriage may God bless and prosper you and your wife! Do your wife understands your obligation to the military? You and your spouse take time to plan everything that needs to be done while you are awhile. It is hard being away from your spouse and family, but use the means of fast communication by cellphone and/or computer by e-mail, instant messaging and video chat. It work for my wife and I it gave us comfort, but let your wife know if she doesn't hear from you in awhile you probably away from Base Camp and you will contact her asap. Let the words "I love you" always be in your conversation by the means of communication I mentioned, find out how was her day and if there any challenges she need advice to handle, and before you leave get your wife connected to a Family Group Organization on Post, also establish one with family and friends the more support the better. I wish you well and be safe!
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SGT Military Police
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My wife and I went through the same thing. We tried discussions, therapy, medication, and various social outings. Finally, she got a job and started a new social network, independent of my own, and things improved immensely.
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SGT Matthew Schenkenfelder
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Ho to the DAV (don't file directly through the VA they'll just jerk you around), file a disability claim, get a job, and welcome to the real world where nobody cares about your military service except for a few that use your recent discharge as a tax break for their company if they hire you on.
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