How do same sex couple get a divorce in the military if it's not recognized by the State?

While not exactly on point, due to gender, the folks at the National Center for Lesbian Rights, http://www.nclrights.org/ , work this issue all the time. What you will likely need to do is establish residency in a state that recognizes same-sex marriage. It is a case of the law not catching up with current events and people rushing to pass laws without thinking of second and third order effects.

If JAG is not a resource for whatever reason, look at these alternatives to try and find an answer. I would imagine, at minimum, you should be able to receive direction.

Many civil legal matters can be handled by a military legal assistance attorney at no cost to servicemembers. Civil matters include landlord-tenant disputes, wills and trust, family law (including divorce, separation, custody, and child support), naturalization, consumer issues (including debt collection, consumer scams, identity theft), powers of attorneys, advanced medical directives (living wills), and asserting your rights under the Servicemembers Civil Relief Act.

http://www.americanbar.org/portals/public_resources/aba_home_front.html

Legal Assistance Resource from the American Bar Association

http://www.americanbar.org/portals/public_resources/aba_home_front/information_center/working_with_lawyer/information_about_lawyers/military_legal_assistance/civil_matters.html

The ABA Military Pro Bono Project accepts case referrals from military attorneys on behalf of junior-enlisted, active-duty military personnel and their families with civil legal problems, and it places these cases with pro bono attorneys where the legal assistance is needed. The Project is also the platform for Operation Stand-By, through which military attorneys may seek attorney-to-attorney advice to further assist their servicemember clients.

http://www.militaryprobono.org/

JAG's will still provide guidance on what you can do. They will not represent you in court but they will help with any questions about the legalities and laws for your area. That being said....if the state you are currently domiciled in recognizes same-sex marriages....you can get divorced there. I hope this helps Shipmate. Let me know fi you have any questions or issues and I will be more than happy to help as best I can.

PO2 (Join to see) , you need to really consult a Civilian Divorce lawyer on this issue. You are really in a Catch 22 as far as the Military goes with help since it sounds as if you are Not residents of NC and may both be residents of different States and married in yet anther State. Since JaG will/can not handle divorce, even between military members, it is time to seek real legal counsel, not just opinions.

You would need to talk to legal. That would be my best answer to you.

Change your residence to a state that meets your legal needs then file.

Though you said that JAG can't help you, this is exactly what I would do: Contact JAG in the state of which you were legally married. There is some JAG lawyer, somewhere, you can legally advise you of what to do. You may not be able to retain him or her, but I can guarantee that they can point you in the right direction. Even if you pose the question as theoretical, it can be answered.
Source: experience

Why would the divorce depend on your home of record vs the state where you were married? I'm a WA resident but was married in MD, so if I wanted to divorce my wife I'd be filing in MD.

I was married in Bethesda MD but got divorced in Camp Legune. My spouse just had to sign the papers that were mailed to them. I used a civilian lawyer. We were not same sex, so not sure how that works. I thought the supreme court made same sex marriage legal in all 50 states now, so shouldnt that make it easier?

you can go to a civilian attorney to draw up an agreement between the both of you to dissolve your relationship. Just do it in a state that has same sex marriages allowed. You can also ask JAG how to go about it as well.