How do you deal with managing your own anger?

Pray. I pray each day for patients, strength, and courage. Sometimes several times a day. It works.

Lots of other things you might do in this string. All good. Combine with prayer.

Apologize. And I don't mean just say "Sorry for losing my cool". Genuinely apologize. When done in a genuine manner the underlying trigger loses force. It won't happen with just one apology so be patient. An adage in my life is to be slow to anger and quick to apologize.

Realize that your mind does have a pause button. I use a mental image of me hitting pause on a VHS/DVD/BluRay player and seeing my "anger" stop in that between frames mode - all jittery and in transition. Take a deep breath, then hit resume with the mental mindset of business, not emotion.

As was said in the movie Hook with Robin Williams - find your Happy Thought. With that, find your silly thought, your peaceful thought, your serene thought and keep them on the main shelf in your mind where you can grab them when you hit pause. This mental exercise needs to be done just like your daily physical exercise is done.

I’m a lot older then you served back in 1968 my temper went from 0 to 500 in a heart beat it happen in meetings with coworkers my road rage was off the charts I tried everything nothing worked it seemed I asked god for help even told my self before I left my house I am not going to lose it today I retired in 2010 from the state of Michigan I tried the va the guy I talked to did help however I came up with my own self help method I go to church meet new people I also build model wood ships from blue prints it puts me in my own zone you need to find an outlet something that works for you just keep looking you will find it I also recommend you take to some your wife,chaplain social work at the va your not nuts you need to talk thi is you first step hats off to you brother.

Anger for the sake of anger is a waste. Anger can be a very useful tool. I had inklings of this, and then at E-6 I became a drill sergeant and saw older, more experienced NCOs "flaming" on troops, and getting results (in some cases they scared ME), then walking around the corner, grinning ear to ear, and cracking a joke. Learn to use anger as a tool to get the results you want. In the military, at least in the Army in combat arms, there are just plain times and places where rap sessions, empathy groups, and singing Kum-Ba-Yah don't cut it. Learn to make anger one more tool in your leadership toolbox, nothing more and nothing less.

Well a 6 pack is much cheaper than a therapist ;)

Does it happen often? Was this a one time deal? Have you talked to behavioral health? Have you talked to your units assigned chaplain?

If it is a one time thing don't worry apologize to your guys tell them you have a lot going on its not their fault and press on with pride. Everyone has a bad day and a breaking point.

If it is an ongoing issue see one of the guys above.

If it is ongoing and you are afraid it will hurt your career to talk to to some one think of how much it will be hurt if you don't (or your family) see someone off post if you need to but deal with problems like this head on.

We referred to the ability to control anger, and other emotions, as presence. You must decide what image you want to project, then have the self awareness and discipline to react to situations in accordance with that image. The one piece of advice I have given to my children is that the winner is always the person who keeps his head when those around him are losing theirs.
In the meantime, as you develop the ability, apologize to those who observed your lose of control, but don't go to far back in time or to much into the situation. An immediate "Sorry I lost control" is sufficient.

Offer a heartfelt apology and administer first aid/rescue breathing as necessary

I can't think of one time in my career where I exploded in front of my Sailors. I can say that I have blown up behind closed doors and vented to my fellow officers, especially when I did not understand or disagree with policies. I will say that I still think about situations where I should have reacted, but I didn't. On my first day as a commissioned officer on a Navy ship, I was called a "faggot" by a department head. I didn't do anything. I wish I had stood up for myself.

I have a published article about anger as it relates to combat trauma. We refer to displacing anger onto others who are really not the index targets. Some degree of anger is necessary for survival.
Rich