Posted on Sep 29, 2025
How do you handle the sensitivity of others, especially when discussing military-related topics like weapons and self-defense?
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Consider an average discussion about self-defense, something civilians and vets can and should talk about. Then, consider how that discussion quickly leads to different types of defense. You might mention knives, and talk about the way knives are gripped, hanlded, and used and explain quickly that some pierce and some slice, but the point is to do damage and make an escape. People must be careful with knives because they can hit a bone or different parts of the flesh and end up hurting themselves in the process. Knives demand skilled use in terms of self-defense. Or, somebody mentions handguns, as they should. You quickly mention the difference in calibers and what their effect is, how some bullets enact enough force to put people down on the ground, some don't, some go through the body and some don't. All of this is part of an intelligent and responsible discussion about self-defense.
However, some consider this grotesque and unecessary. We don't need to be talking about the tearing and ripping of flesh, or hitting bones with knives, or putting people down. Fair enough. Yet, isn't that the age-old discussion around us military folk anyway? Violent things happen all around the world and we're often involved in them. We should talk about them. Yet, people's sensitivities to violence can often make this discussion hard to have.
How do you handle this? Do you tone it down, give a disclaimer, lean into it?
However, some consider this grotesque and unecessary. We don't need to be talking about the tearing and ripping of flesh, or hitting bones with knives, or putting people down. Fair enough. Yet, isn't that the age-old discussion around us military folk anyway? Violent things happen all around the world and we're often involved in them. We should talk about them. Yet, people's sensitivities to violence can often make this discussion hard to have.
How do you handle this? Do you tone it down, give a disclaimer, lean into it?
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Edited 3 mo ago
Posted 3 mo ago
Responses: 7
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You're right, it's a very difficult discussion. I preface with, "this is just my point of view" and I don't get into specifics about handling weapons except to say, it is important to be comfortable and well trained on whatever method/weapon you choose. And if you choose "none" then make sure you are very alert and conscious of your surroundings at all times.
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I really don’t talk to anyone about it. I only worry about the safety of my family. What I have or what I know is nobody’s business. I say this only because of the world we live in today and the drastically different points of view. I will say I do carry a knife daily but I consider it only a tool. Must times I don’t even know it’s there.
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Unfortunately, I work with an 'ultra-liberal' individual. We tend to avoid such topics as they are a devout "we could live in Utopia if everyone would just give up guns" type person. We avoid those topics because they always end up offended and I end up in HR.
For the more reasonably minded, I usually tailor my comments to the audience at hand. Even then, it boils down to a version of "pick whatever device for defense you prefer and train until you are comfortable and proficient".
For the more reasonably minded, I usually tailor my comments to the audience at hand. Even then, it boils down to a version of "pick whatever device for defense you prefer and train until you are comfortable and proficient".
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1LT (Join to see), I am not sure I have ever had a conversation about "self-defense" in the Army or the civilian world quite like what you have framed.
In military self-defense, even in combatives, the goal is to eliminate the threat. Not to be incapacitated and run away. Even after numerous less-than-lethal trainings, I don't think I am a great resource for someone to understand self-defense in a civilian sense that doesn't involve extreme violence of action designed to obliterate the threat, especially for those in a "duty to retreat" state.
If I talk about any form of defense, my pivot is almost always without fail, "go get trained". In the context of training, they enter with the assumption that they may have conversations about the efficacy of fighting methods or implements.
I am pretty sure when someone asks me if a certain knife is good for self-defense, knowing nothing else, my response will be, "is at least one end pointy?"
In military self-defense, even in combatives, the goal is to eliminate the threat. Not to be incapacitated and run away. Even after numerous less-than-lethal trainings, I don't think I am a great resource for someone to understand self-defense in a civilian sense that doesn't involve extreme violence of action designed to obliterate the threat, especially for those in a "duty to retreat" state.
If I talk about any form of defense, my pivot is almost always without fail, "go get trained". In the context of training, they enter with the assumption that they may have conversations about the efficacy of fighting methods or implements.
I am pretty sure when someone asks me if a certain knife is good for self-defense, knowing nothing else, my response will be, "is at least one end pointy?"
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1LT (Join to see)
You're right, I have a different end result in mind. Self-defense as I present here is inflict harm or disruption in order to escape. That's the first option, eliminating the threat is more a military/law-enforcement mindset.
I think I tend to take the long way to get there, i.e. "go get trained". My conclusion is the same, training matters. But in my experience, most people are oblivious to that. They need a little coaching as to why the training matters. People often think they will simply put their bullets where they want them, or place that knife where it needs to go, and they will take care of threats easily if they have to.
I think I tend to take the long way to get there, i.e. "go get trained". My conclusion is the same, training matters. But in my experience, most people are oblivious to that. They need a little coaching as to why the training matters. People often think they will simply put their bullets where they want them, or place that knife where it needs to go, and they will take care of threats easily if they have to.
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It's weird that you brought this up today as yesterday I JUST had a civilian friend/neighbor, who somehow heard I carry a knife for self-protection, ask me about what I'd recommend and how I would use it. I told him I have a simple Gerber EVO Mid Folding Tactical Knife, which has finger flip to open it quickly. It's small, easy to carry and easy to produce quickly. As you alluded to, my goal in any confrontation is to get away from the confrontation safely. I don't carry a firearm because in doing my own personal risk assessment, I don't see the need, nor do I have the desire to manage a gun while in public for now. However, there was a period during COVID I did keep my pistol in my vehicle, as things started to make me nervous. My neighbor appears to have a concern currently, which I was not able to discuss, as we both didn't have the time to continue the conversation. I simply told him, when it comes to knives, you don't need anything expensive or fancy, but that, like with any weapon, you should learn to use it properly and competently.
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1LT (Join to see)
I share your mindest. I am creating security drills and policies for the church I work at. I cautioned against the practice of anyone having a firearm, even me, as a firearm introduces risk in and of itself. Training is always the focus, can someone put the bullets where they are supposed to go, under pressure? I stopped carrying as much because as soon I have my pistol on my person, a part of me is always switched on. And this is as it should be; I am responsible for that weapon and what it does. But, I started to learn that de-escalation and avoidance is paramount, lethal force is the last resort. So, better for me to develop those skills which are paramount and encourage such in others.
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1LT (Join to see)
To this discussion, I was talking about screwdrivers as an EDC type of item people can take with them on hikes or keep in cars. It's an interesting option.
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Maj Kevin "Mac" McLaughlin
1LT (Join to see) - Yeah, I keep a couple of similar knives in my Jeep. The firearm option is precisely how you put it. I have to be "switched on" and aware of my surroundings. In a church, I sit in a location in which too many people could end up in my line of fire as I am not an usher. So my thoughts are usually on escape routes, concealment, and actual cover for the family when I ponder what I would do. The church can make me somewhat uncomfortable as my back is to the entrance.
Having lived overseas in 3rd world countries as a kid / adult and served in combat zones, I also find it good practice to carry yourself well. Make sure people around you are aware you see them or that you're aware of them. And of course maintain positive control of the things you carry (regardless of whether they are weapons). My experiences/training may have made me slightly paranoid (in which my family loves to tease me about), but I still contend that the little things can go a long way should something happen. I back in when I park, I sit in public places with my back to the wall (and the entrance) where I can, and I pay attention to vehicles around me when I drive. My job actually carries a level of threat, based on the cyber threat actors I counter (or help capture) as they have been threatening coworkers of mine recently (nothing in person yet). Who knew this would happen AFTER I retired from the AF.
Having lived overseas in 3rd world countries as a kid / adult and served in combat zones, I also find it good practice to carry yourself well. Make sure people around you are aware you see them or that you're aware of them. And of course maintain positive control of the things you carry (regardless of whether they are weapons). My experiences/training may have made me slightly paranoid (in which my family loves to tease me about), but I still contend that the little things can go a long way should something happen. I back in when I park, I sit in public places with my back to the wall (and the entrance) where I can, and I pay attention to vehicles around me when I drive. My job actually carries a level of threat, based on the cyber threat actors I counter (or help capture) as they have been threatening coworkers of mine recently (nothing in person yet). Who knew this would happen AFTER I retired from the AF.
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MAJ Byron Oyler
1LT (Join to see) - Carrying a firearm and responding in any stressful situation is muscle memory. You don't have to worry about hitting your target so much if nothing is behind them that a miss will do harm to. Be more concerned what is behind the person you are shooting at than making a hit. Maybe someone shooting back, even if you miss, will give them reason to stop their activity.
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Not something I generally discuss. I am an ICU RN and to be good at saving lives you must understand what kills them. I can take this discussion to a whole new level of being uncomfortable for others.
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Most people don't talk about knife fighting because 1. it takes skill and practice to get to a point where you are competent with a knife. 2. Fighting with knives involves getting cut and requires that you are very close to your opponent.
I studied martial arts with an instructor and a style that embraced daggers for the upper ranked students. My instructor grew up in Indonesia where fighting with knives was part of the Culture, the only other place I know of that has stylized knife fighting is the Philippines. Want to know how you tell if your instructor is legit? Look for the scars on his arms. I was getting ready to test for 3rd degree Black Belt when life/work/family caused me to drop out, but my opinion of knife fighting hasn't changed. You fight with a knife because that is the only option left, you didn't bring a gun or you are out of Ammo. I still carry a one hand open folder, but if I have to use it, I've fucked up.
I studied martial arts with an instructor and a style that embraced daggers for the upper ranked students. My instructor grew up in Indonesia where fighting with knives was part of the Culture, the only other place I know of that has stylized knife fighting is the Philippines. Want to know how you tell if your instructor is legit? Look for the scars on his arms. I was getting ready to test for 3rd degree Black Belt when life/work/family caused me to drop out, but my opinion of knife fighting hasn't changed. You fight with a knife because that is the only option left, you didn't bring a gun or you are out of Ammo. I still carry a one hand open folder, but if I have to use it, I've fucked up.
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