Posted on Jul 25, 2016
12
12
0
This morning I had an unexpected day off. My son did a sneak into the kitchen to grab a soda. In our house we buy a set amount of soda for the children and for us so he was trying to sneak one of our (the parents) sodas. When I said good morning, he was surprised and asked if he could have one. I told him no and reminded him of the rules. Since it was already in his hands I asked if he intended to sneak one. His answer was, "I thought you were at work."
While I admire that honest answer I cannot help but wonder what else he is doing because he thinks he won't get caught. In an age of "We'll build a wall and have Mexico pay for it" "I did not have textual relations with that server" *yes I know that isn't an actual quote, how do we keep our kids on a path of integrity when there are so many examples of the opposite leading to success?
**I hit both sides to minimize political answers and keep it on topic.
While I admire that honest answer I cannot help but wonder what else he is doing because he thinks he won't get caught. In an age of "We'll build a wall and have Mexico pay for it" "I did not have textual relations with that server" *yes I know that isn't an actual quote, how do we keep our kids on a path of integrity when there are so many examples of the opposite leading to success?
**I hit both sides to minimize political answers and keep it on topic.
Children
Parenting
Values
Integrity
Edited >1 y ago
Posted >1 y ago
Responses: 11
6
6
0
My message to my kids (mostly my middle son that has challenges with this) is:
Own what you do and the consequences for it.
Lie and blame others and it will go much worse for you.
I love the critters, but when they lie to my face, I see red.
Own what you do and the consequences for it.
Lie and blame others and it will go much worse for you.
I love the critters, but when they lie to my face, I see red.
(6)
(0)
6
6
0
The ONLY way to do it is to talk about it at home (not formal talks, just BSing), and walking the walk.
I don't want to cast aspersions about your parenting, BUT, a kid that does that has to get the idea from somewhere. I am betting that either you or your spouse "sneak" things from time to time. No matter HOW small, a kid is nothing but a mirror, and will do whatever they see - no matter WHAT is said. If it isn't you or your spouse, I'd blame a grandparent(s), or caregiver (babysitter/daycare/whatever) for setting that example.
It works the same way as military subordinates - no matter what you say, they'll copy what they see you do. If you are smart enough to watch THEM, you'll catch your own failings and hopefully learn from the experience.
I don't want to cast aspersions about your parenting, BUT, a kid that does that has to get the idea from somewhere. I am betting that either you or your spouse "sneak" things from time to time. No matter HOW small, a kid is nothing but a mirror, and will do whatever they see - no matter WHAT is said. If it isn't you or your spouse, I'd blame a grandparent(s), or caregiver (babysitter/daycare/whatever) for setting that example.
It works the same way as military subordinates - no matter what you say, they'll copy what they see you do. If you are smart enough to watch THEM, you'll catch your own failings and hopefully learn from the experience.
(6)
(0)
SSG Trevor S.
MCPO (Join to see) If I said our parenting skills were beyond reproach you could watch my integrity fly out the window with the pigs! It's a very valid point.
(3)
(0)
MCPO (Join to see)
You find out how much you swear at home when you have kids... and which words are your favorites...
Little bastar... I mean - Little angels!!
Little bastar... I mean - Little angels!!
(0)
(0)
4
4
0
By example. As a child I saw my father run (limp quickly) after a guy to give him a dollar that had fallen out of his pocket. He caught up and gave him the dollar. When I caught up with him he said taking that dollar would have been the same as stealing it. Stealing is a sin and it's wrong. I don't remember much of my father as he died shortly thereafter but I've always remember that.
(4)
(0)
4
4
0
Be careful how much credit you give kids! The truth is, their world will ALWAYS revolve around them. At least, until they get older and out in to the real world... and, they will always test your limits (because it's safe to do it). Remember the MOST important thing you can give your son is YOUR example! The fact that the truth came out of his mouth is VERY honorable!! You gave him that so don't dismiss it so easily (you know the saying, don't throw the baby out with the bath water). You've done well and my guess is, you will continue. As my 3 boys graduate college and I hear them thank people and say, "yes, sir" when someone asks them a question, my pride soars but then when my oldest says, "There couldn't possibly be a God, mom, or this world wouldn't be like this"... I cry. But, we have communication and respect, and for that I'm grateful. Thank you for sharing.
(4)
(0)
(2)
(0)
PO2 (Join to see)
SSG Trevor S. - Ahhhhhh, now there's a can of worms that needed opening :)!! I wish I had as easy an answer for that one. Unlike parenting, where we take everything so personally and feel like complete failures, taking full responsibility, when things go wrong; in, society we seem to go the complete opposite direction and take zero responsibility, placing blame on anyone and everyone except ourselves believing others have created this mess and left it to us to fix. It's very sad.
(2)
(0)
3
3
0
2
2
0
I always made the punishment for lying worse than the punishment for the act itself.
(2)
(0)
LCDR (Join to see)
Hmm, double punishments for 2 different events. Hadn't thought of that; will bring that up when I get home (kids are 1 and 3).
(0)
(0)
1
1
0
It is mostly a matter of showing them good examples. And, not providing overwhelming temptations, like leaving a five year old and a box of donuts alone for 10 minutes. Know your kid and know how far some rules are going to fly. I found that some limits on food and drink have to be backed up by limiting access more than expecting self-control.
(1)
(0)
PO3 Sherry Thornburg
Just saw that you are dealing with a 16 year old boy. In my experience, I raised two of those, boys are hungry all the time. If you have a limit or prohibition concerning sodas, you are going to have to keep them out of the house. Just having them around will make him want them.
(1)
(0)
1
1
0
As someone else on here mentioned "By Example." If a child sees you doing something they will usually emulate your action (or inaction). Additionally, they must know there are consequences to certain actions (or inaction). I tell my kids all the time "You are responsible for you. No one cam make you act stupid. Make the right choice when no one is watching so when you have to make it in front of others it is second nature."
(1)
(0)
1
1
0
SSG Trevor S. Your son did well. At least he knew the right answer! The question returns to you: how did you reinforce his statement?
That leads me to when my youngest son was 2 or 3, I threw something out of the car! He was on me in a heartbeat for having done a no-no!
That leads me to when my youngest son was 2 or 3, I threw something out of the car! He was on me in a heartbeat for having done a no-no!
(1)
(0)
SSG Trevor S.
CSM Charles Hayden Passed 7/29/2025 I gave some positive reinforcement by explaining to him that he wasn't in trouble because he told the truth, but also reinforced the rules. Then I had a conversation about doing the right things even when people are not looking.
(1)
(0)
CSM Charles Hayden Passed 7/29/2025
SSG Trevor S. That is what it all about, communicate and reinforce strengths!
(1)
(0)
1
1
0
SSG. I have a 9 year old greatgrandson that is completely beyond me with his behavior. He isn't a good kid by no means. And my granddaughter isn't taking the necessary steps to correct him. He isn't allowed to do certain things in my house but I don't see him enough to teach him any thing. I wonder sometimes how 9 year old can have such bad behavior. The older is 12 and doesn't have that problem.
(1)
(0)
Read This Next
Continue with Facebook 
Continue with Google