How do you mentor your Soldier who is outstanding in his profession, but has poor decision making skills off duty?

What do you do when you have a soldier who is outstanding in his profession, but is beginning to really make you question his off duty decision making?

A little background on the question, I've been in the Army for six years now, and made my share of mistakes. My personality isn't the norm for a lot of NCO's in my experience, and honestly many people questioned my ability to lead soldiers because I'm not the Type A, fire and brimstone type. I'm slow to anger, and most in my unit have never seen my temper flare up. That self control was learned though through A LOT of consequences from not having self control. It was a process, and likewise, my leadership reflects that process. During the same time, as some of you may know, I was blessed two little boys that taught me more than I can imagine in making me a man that they deserved to be their father. My oldest son, Elisha, is somewhere on the autistic spectrum, and he has taught me how to manage stress and nurture his development. Together the two different perspectives, personal and professional, have led me to view my responsibilities to my soldiers in much the same way I try to be a father.

Most of you, if you're still reading this, are probably wondering what this has to do with the question I posed. Recently, one of my soldiers has begun to make me question how best to approach certain situations. I believe entirely in tough love and making consequences, good or bad, for behavior, but some days lately I've wondered if those doubts have been correct after all. It's not completely dissimilar to when my boys first randomly bit another kid while they were playing as toddlers and just started laughing. I remember then questioning whether I had completely failed in my assessment of how to be a parent (extreme, but seriously what makes every kid think this is hilarious at two years old?). Likewise, my soldier did something equally as...embarrassing I guess, but definitely unbelievable why... and by some miracle was given a slap on the wrist by those much higher than me.

I believe in counseling soldiers, for good, bad, mentoring, everything really, and try to take the opportunity to teach and improve them and my own leadership. I think it fosters effective communication that, frankly speaking, many of my peers are underdeveloped in. Communication is a two way street, and like with my boys, I think I would be failing my soldiers if I didn't teach them how to effectively communicate and critically assess their actions and situations. It's long term and it's riskier, but the payoff is much more immense in my opinion. I say all of this, because I don't know what to do.

My soldier is literally one of those people who makes soldiering look easy. He is naturally skilled at performing his job, 300 APFT, expert shooter, proficient in law enforcement and combat training, and extremely receptive to training. He's a very intelligent soldier, both technically and tactically. Basically he makes it look easy.

But the downside is, he's a 19 year old kid... a 19 year old kid who's single in Germany as a duty station. I know how I was at 19, so honestly I don't think it is a reflection of who he is for making mistakes in his personal life. I think he's doing what every 19 year old does, FIGURING WHO THE **** HE IS. He's learning what it means to be an adult, and with that means learning how to survey his surroundings and his decision making and adjust fire where needed.

When I first picked him up in my team, I had to immediately address fraternization with an NCO, not sexual in nature, going to clubs and bars together, perceived favoritism at work. I addressed it, and counseled him and my other soldier on what fraternization and the policy is and what their responsibilities are in those situations. Problem was solved, and they both learned something. Now he and a few of his peers started frequenting a specific club off post. Long story short, he misjudged the club's intentions, and last week made one of those "2 year bites a friend, hilarious, wtf" decisions, agreeing to sign them into the installation to solicit fliers. Making matters worse, he had worked overnight, and thought for some unknown reason it was okay to leave them unaccompanied because they were his friends and a girl he was interested in. Just completely out of left field.

He was counseled, and given a plan of action that restricted his sign on privileges for six months, required a post police call of the materials, and anytime he left the Kaserne, he was to contact me prior to and after returning only with another Soldier in the platoon (on work days) and submit a 1594 with his plan of action prior to every day off for two months. Leadership outside of his immediate chain decided he would not be charged for it. All went well for a few days, but twice now in the last week, he failed to notify me prior to leaving (although the first time, he did notify me shortly thereafter), and even more troubling both times went to the same club.

Many of my peers think that he needs to just have his off post privileges revoked entirely, but no matter how I try to buy into that, I just don't agree with it. I think that there is absolutely nothing constructive to be learned from that solution, despite it being an obvious punishment. It, to me, is the easy, short term solution. The second incident occurred this evening. I chose an entirely different route, and most of my peers think "I don't get it". I'm fine with that, I genuinely care about my soldiers, and I think I am failing them if I don't allow them to grow themselves. I'm willing to risk my reputation if in the long term I can look back and see that I made an impact in helping my soldiers become better people, not just soldiers.

So instead I'm writing a memorandum notating the deviance from the PoA, and informed my squad leader so he was informed. In addition, he's now required to document his plans for every day on a 1594 for two weeks, and anything not annotated be called to me PRIOR to. Further I instructed him that for the remainder of the two months, he is to call me prior to departing for any establishment where alcohol is primarily served with a complete PoA for any and all possible scenarios of the evening. The club is now blacklisted for the unit per the commander which I agree with. And my squad leader is requiring him to complete an essay on integrity that is not just copy and paste. Any deviance from this new PoA will lead me to recommend NJP for him as he is aware.

Despite all that though, many still think he should 1. be recommended now, and 2. be restricted to post for a set amount of time. I think back to my own experiences with self control, and that still does not change my stance. I want him to go out during this time, I want him to be in those situations, and I want to continue to mentor him on how to do the right thing when no one is looking. The only way, in my opinion, for him to learn how to critically assess this and grow in this area is by continuing to guide him while allowing him to learn from his mistakes.

He has grown in these areas besides the major incident, and even called earlier today before this to ask me to counsel him on the changes to the tattoo policy so he could better understand the expected changes to the regulation. That might not sound like much, but to me, it shows that he wants to grow in his decision making and he feels comfortable coming to me as his leader when he needs guidance. I honestly don't remember more than a handful of NCOs that tried to establish that two way communication that made me feel comfortable reaching out to them for guidance without fearing I'd be treated like a moron or like I was interrupting their time. To me, it showed me that maybe I'm not so off in my approach.

I could push to crush this kid, and completely devastate his personal life, but at the end of the day, I feel like part of being a good leader is knowing when someone has to learn from their experience instead of a book or what I say. Far too often I see people break down young soldiers for mistakes, while neglecting to rehabilitate or mentor that soldier.

Anyway I apologize for rambling, I doubt most, if any will get this far in the post, but if so thank you. I just want to know, do you think this is effective leadership? How would you improve upon it? What do you disagree with? How would you proceed in the situation? I'm a young sergeant, and I'm not too proud to admit sometimes I'm wrong. Basically, I could really use some guidance, because besides my squad leader, everyone thinks I'm really failing here in this situation. I owe it to my soldiers to correct that if it is the case.