Posted on Apr 7, 2014
How have new policies changed men in the military from being gentlemen?
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Over the past 15 years, I've seen an attitude change from men in the military. I will never call myself "old school", but I don't see men being the gentlemen we once were. I know we've progressed our thinking women in the military and we are still striving to make changes for the better. Has that thought process turned young men away from being those gentlemen that our fathers and grandfathers were? When I say the term gentlemen, I don't mean what you see on the the TV show Mad Men. What I mean is I rarely see men holding doors, opening car doors, taking their hat off when introducing themselves, getting up from their chair when a lady enters the room, and many other curiosities that seem to have disappeared in our society.
I'm posing this question because of an incident yesterday that really made me think. I was walking with another Captain, who was female. I was always taught that as a service member, you have an obligation to be a gentlemen whenever you can. So, I would always address the lady first, as long as someone else's rank didn't proceed hers. A Soldier passed by and addressed me first, then her. I stopped him, and as nothing but a friendly comment, I told him that it is polite to address the women first, then me. He told me, "Sir that's dumb. We're all Soldiers right?" I couldn't really argue that point. Are we now in an age where it's not "PC" to be a gentlemen?
Are we so afraid of EO complaints that these small gestures are no longer welcome? I would love to hear some female Service Member's perspective on this matter as well.
Customs and Courtesies
EO
Women in the Military
Posted >1 y ago
Responses: 13
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Look at the upbringing most kids now get - the idea of chivalry and 'ladies first' is all but gone. I know I teach my children that everyone is equal, regardless of gender, race, etc., and all should be treated well. Hold doors open for *people* not just girls, and so on. I wouldn't say that chivalry is dead, per se, but rather it is an archaic notion that has given way to modern ideals of equality. Treat everyone the same.
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LTC Paul Labrador
Agreed. IMHO, one of the side effects of the feminist movments was the removal some of the "gentlemanly" behavior men of older generations were taught.
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SFC Michael Hasbun
Theres a reason though. If we are all equal, why is one gender obliged to treat the other defferentially? A lot of those "gentlemanly" behaviors were rooted in the belief of an inferior sex that required extra assistance.
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I believe you are addressing society as a whole. Chivalry is all but dead because as SSG Brad Porter we aren't teaching enough of our children to carry it on. The military is a different beast all together. Treating females as the fairer sex could have unwarranted implications even if you are simply trying to be polite or a gentleman. I got a talking to for simply opening a door for a senior ranking female - same as I would do for a senior ranking male out of respect. This officer thought that the gesture was inappropriate - go figure.
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Sir,
I agree with those who stated that it's a matter of how one was raised. I've noticed that the more mature male service members tend to be gentlemen, while those who are in their 20s tend to be less so.
When in uniform, I hold the door for those who outrank me unless someone else is already doing it. Out of uniform, it feels more natural to let gentlemen be gentlemen by allowing them time to open the door, pull out my chair, and help with my jacket.
I agree with those who stated that it's a matter of how one was raised. I've noticed that the more mature male service members tend to be gentlemen, while those who are in their 20s tend to be less so.
When in uniform, I hold the door for those who outrank me unless someone else is already doing it. Out of uniform, it feels more natural to let gentlemen be gentlemen by allowing them time to open the door, pull out my chair, and help with my jacket.
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