Posted on Jan 31, 2018
How should I help my lost son assess any military options as a potential pathway for what to do in life?
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Possibly age old question. Super bright 21 year old stuck. Cant figure out what to do in life. Working hard on the concept to teach him that MOST people in this world ended up in a job or career by accident, or at least not by clear planning. That you have to open doors, see where they go, then open more. That there may be no magical epiphany idea or dream job. But at least if you have a job or trade you kind of like at least you will have a path, a foundation, hopefully a little money in the bank. Try stuff, learn stuff, inch forward.
He has a few friends/acquaintances that did National Guard. One still kind of floundering the guard did him no good, but two did better with respect to career paths. One was super smart and got into business logistics I think with Toyota from it. The other did pretty good at mechanics and has some career options there.
Although its a very vague and complex question, can you share some learned experiences that might apply to this type of youth? Most likely routes for success (with hard work!). Most likely to have any kind of choice in experiences? Anything at all to start processing all the military options available and thier pros and cons?
His grandfather was Lt. Colonel and Chaplain in Vietnam. So he has some background. But he is overwhelmed with all the choices. So Im trying to help him research options. But I dont want a recruiter be his main source of info (sorry if that is off base and offensive to someone - am I perpetuating an old stereotype about recruiters?.)
All input welcome.
He has a few friends/acquaintances that did National Guard. One still kind of floundering the guard did him no good, but two did better with respect to career paths. One was super smart and got into business logistics I think with Toyota from it. The other did pretty good at mechanics and has some career options there.
Although its a very vague and complex question, can you share some learned experiences that might apply to this type of youth? Most likely routes for success (with hard work!). Most likely to have any kind of choice in experiences? Anything at all to start processing all the military options available and thier pros and cons?
His grandfather was Lt. Colonel and Chaplain in Vietnam. So he has some background. But he is overwhelmed with all the choices. So Im trying to help him research options. But I dont want a recruiter be his main source of info (sorry if that is off base and offensive to someone - am I perpetuating an old stereotype about recruiters?.)
All input welcome.
Posted in these groups: 
Career Advice
Youth
Career Advice Youth
Edited 7 y ago
Posted 7 y ago
Responses: 14
Sir, i applaud you for helping your son find a path that will make him happy and successful..
My suggestion is, Stop.
The first step is for him to take charge of his life, be it with a goal to manage the local Walmart or be a NASA engineer after a career in the air force and the space program.
So, if I may... Suggest he come sign up here, and take the first step...when he does introduce him in this thread and let him ask, listen, question, discover for himself.
It cuts out the filter, it gives him a sense of taking charge of his life, it puts the onus on him to not sit back and let others do for you, but for you to reach out and do for yourself.
And with that said, to be frank....... Id say, the Service does not need another Solider, Airmen, Marine or Sailer that wont step up and be in charge of at least their own life, so they can learn and grow as a leader and one day be put in charge of others lives. What we do need if he is willing.. is an open mind, a drive, an interest in being better tomorrow then he is today. To be ready to fail, but never quit.
Ask him to come look us up... ask, listen, process, take nothing to heart on words alone, trust but verify.
Respectfully
Erik Marquez
Sergeant Major
Infantry, Retired
My suggestion is, Stop.
The first step is for him to take charge of his life, be it with a goal to manage the local Walmart or be a NASA engineer after a career in the air force and the space program.
So, if I may... Suggest he come sign up here, and take the first step...when he does introduce him in this thread and let him ask, listen, question, discover for himself.
It cuts out the filter, it gives him a sense of taking charge of his life, it puts the onus on him to not sit back and let others do for you, but for you to reach out and do for yourself.
And with that said, to be frank....... Id say, the Service does not need another Solider, Airmen, Marine or Sailer that wont step up and be in charge of at least their own life, so they can learn and grow as a leader and one day be put in charge of others lives. What we do need if he is willing.. is an open mind, a drive, an interest in being better tomorrow then he is today. To be ready to fail, but never quit.
Ask him to come look us up... ask, listen, process, take nothing to heart on words alone, trust but verify.
Respectfully
Erik Marquez
Sergeant Major
Infantry, Retired
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Todd W. Roat
Thanks for the honest reply Sgt Marquez. All very sound reasoning. In this case, and in some other cases I suspect, its not always the inability to take charge of life, but I understand the premise. In this case I feel its a little different in one aspect: he's is actively trying to take charge of his life and is a hard worker. In this case its more of literally needing to research and fact find as much information as possible about all his options (military of otherwise) and dig into the details of what he discovers. He isnt really putting the onus on me we are working on it together and sharing results. And in doing so he is learning how to research, how to fact find, how to assess what he learns - something I am good at. I think he is ready to fail but I see nothing wrong with gathering as much information as you can before making the first step. Im not sure the refusing to help him learn and research the options (sink or swim) is necessarily the best option in all cases. He came to me motivated, just asked for some assistance researching. He took a areas to research, I took a couple area, then we meet to share results. He will read this stuff. Your approach is sound, but not necessarily the best option for all young adults. It allows some to slip thru cracks that could easily have been overcome with a little support and teaching.
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SPC David Willis
Todd W. Roat - If that's the case SGM Marquez advice is spot on have him sign up here and ask any questions that he has. There are several 17-18 year olds here that have come on to ask questions to figure out what job they may like and how to best prepare for basic. This site has no shortage of mentors both of the tough love mentality and the brotherly approach.
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Sgt Tee Organ
True, ultimately it's his wings he has to fly out on. Im thankful at least I made my kids life as miserable as necessary for them to not want to be around after 18, they all flew out of the house. used their talents and are living the dream now. And I still got my own sanity intact (somewhat).
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Todd W. Roat From the age of 15, I knew that I wanted to join the Marine Corps and make it a career. I also wanted to serve in Vietnam, because assisting the South Vietnamese people was a just cause. In Vietnam, I heard that Apollo 11 had landed on the Moon, and that we had walked on the surface. As a kid, I had followed the Space Program, and with the Moon landing, I thought that this would be a good career. My last two years were spent at MCB 29 Palms, where there was a serious drug problem. That was enough for me to decide against reenlisting, and pursue my dream of working for the Space Program. Upon discharge I found a good paying job at a chemical plant while I worked on my degree. Five and a half years later, I had my degree, and took a pay cut when I started work on the Space Shuttle Program. I started work three years before the first Space Shuttle Fight, and stayed until one month after the last Space Shuttle mission. In high school, I had no doubt that I would retire from the Marine Corps, but plans change. I have always been a planner, and having plans and goals is always good. The military is a good lifestyle but it is not for everyone. I loved being part of the brotherhood, but not everyone likes the structure and discipline that are called for when serving. I would advise your son to look at Active Duty, Reserve and National Guard options. I would not advise anyone joining just because they do not know what to do in life.
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Todd W. Roat
Thanks Sgt. That is the kind of story that I believe helps a young person understand there are paths. Did your time in the service play a role in your ability to then get the job in the chemical plant either from a skill set, drive or financial support? Like you, he and I are planners, that why we are on these fact finding missions. He would not join arbitrarily, he would want to know he would get something he needed out of it (emotionally, psychologically or educationally).
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Sgt (Join to see)
Todd W. Roat - In June 1972, there were many civilians that did not like the military or veterans. Before I was hired at the chemical plant, I underwent extensive testing and had three interviews and one on the interviewers did not like veterans. He tried to get under my skin by asking if I had adjusted after serving in Vietnam. I stayed calm and answered his questions. I had no problems with the other two interviewers or my fellow plant workers. I obtained the job because I was prepared for the interviews, had good scores on the mechanical aptitude, and other tests, was confident, motivated, and clean cut. Being a veterans may have been a positive for two for two of the interviewers.
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Todd W. Roat , bless you for being interested in your son's future, vs brooding over the choices he makes. Good for you.
For your own mental well being and his, DO NOT push him to join the military. It is a decision that he has to make, with life-altering (and potentially, life endangering) consequences. I would just as soon have zero people in my ranks that felt compelled to be there by someone else; it seldom ends well.
My children are a beautiful gift from God and I love them dearly. They are very different, yet each has their own dreams and talents. My wish for them is only that they prosper and find true happiness. Not so much to ask, right?
My kids are 12, 10 and 5, so life decisions are a ways off. What I have tried to do is help them find and refine the talents that they have, and hopefully within the scope of things they enjoy. From there, I have tried to build on that to make that talent better and apply it to something they do. Someday, maybe make that talent and thing they enjoy a career.
For example, my middle son, Robby is a superior runner. He likes to go running with me, and can keep up until I take him beyond a 5k or so. Now I think he enjoys it because it is time with dad and he gets praise for doing well, but I also know that he is good enough to parlay that into track or cross-country in a couple of years. Maybe even a scholarship if he does well enough.
Now I know he won't likely have a career as a track star. Nor has he showed any interest in team sports like football or soccer. But it might just be a Launchpad to get his education, and a hobby that keeps him fit.
Robby has told me that he wants to be a Soldier, like me. That fills me with pride, but I also see where he might have trouble in that regard. Dad casts a long shadow, and I want him to earn everything he has with hard work and merit.
I guess what I am saying is to take an inventory of what your son has and is good at, and see where he has interests that he can parlay into more.
Some think that careers are luck, and to some extent that is true. But in order to get an opportunity, he needs to be in a position to get them, and have the guts to grab them when they come.
Now the tough love part. You can't coddle him, or enable him to be a layabout who shrugs when asked what he is doing with his day. By now, he should have left the nest and made some of his own way. If not, this has a way of turning into a way of life, and will hurt his chances at landing a great career as well as a partner to share that with.
Good luck, Todd. You have a good heart.
For your own mental well being and his, DO NOT push him to join the military. It is a decision that he has to make, with life-altering (and potentially, life endangering) consequences. I would just as soon have zero people in my ranks that felt compelled to be there by someone else; it seldom ends well.
My children are a beautiful gift from God and I love them dearly. They are very different, yet each has their own dreams and talents. My wish for them is only that they prosper and find true happiness. Not so much to ask, right?
My kids are 12, 10 and 5, so life decisions are a ways off. What I have tried to do is help them find and refine the talents that they have, and hopefully within the scope of things they enjoy. From there, I have tried to build on that to make that talent better and apply it to something they do. Someday, maybe make that talent and thing they enjoy a career.
For example, my middle son, Robby is a superior runner. He likes to go running with me, and can keep up until I take him beyond a 5k or so. Now I think he enjoys it because it is time with dad and he gets praise for doing well, but I also know that he is good enough to parlay that into track or cross-country in a couple of years. Maybe even a scholarship if he does well enough.
Now I know he won't likely have a career as a track star. Nor has he showed any interest in team sports like football or soccer. But it might just be a Launchpad to get his education, and a hobby that keeps him fit.
Robby has told me that he wants to be a Soldier, like me. That fills me with pride, but I also see where he might have trouble in that regard. Dad casts a long shadow, and I want him to earn everything he has with hard work and merit.
I guess what I am saying is to take an inventory of what your son has and is good at, and see where he has interests that he can parlay into more.
Some think that careers are luck, and to some extent that is true. But in order to get an opportunity, he needs to be in a position to get them, and have the guts to grab them when they come.
Now the tough love part. You can't coddle him, or enable him to be a layabout who shrugs when asked what he is doing with his day. By now, he should have left the nest and made some of his own way. If not, this has a way of turning into a way of life, and will hurt his chances at landing a great career as well as a partner to share that with.
Good luck, Todd. You have a good heart.
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Todd W. Roat
Thanks for the reply 1SG. I can guarantee I will not push him in any direction. And we dont coddle. But what he needs is just a lot of real world information and feedback about options, careers, etc. I think ALL the kids coming from High School need this. Its sorely lacking. They have these vague notions of a career (doctor, lawyer, architect, military career) but they have no idea what that really means - like "Exactly what will I be doing when I clock in 8-5. What doe a day look like in that field? How did someone there get there? You wouldn't buy a car without researching them, this is no different.
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