How would you critique my essay entitled "Why I want to be an officer"?

Any critiques for my essay as to "why I want to be an officer" would be greatly appreciated. I am currently working on my packet for OCS. I am prior enlisted Army SGT (13B), with a degree in Homeland Security and Emergency Management.


I have always had a desire to serve and be a part of something bigger than myself. This was true when I first enlisted in the Army, with my current civilian job working for the Department of Energy on a Special Response Team, and my desire to become an officer now. An officer in the Army must not only be able to command and lead those below him/her, but develop policies and procedures that would make it easier for others to command those below them.
As an enlisted soldier I made the rank of SGT in under 2 and a half years. I have no doubt that I would have had a successful career as an enlisted soldier, if I continued down that path. The biggest thing that was holding me back is that I knew that I could do so much more for the Army as an officer versus enlisted. I will always cherish my time as an NCO though, and would not change that experience for anything. After graduating summa cum laude with a bachelor’s degree in Homeland Security and Emergency Management, the path to an officer commission started to form.
I know as an Army officer I will be an exemplary model for the NCOs, junior enlisted, and peer officers that I work with. I will show them that they can always strive to do more and be better than they were yesterday. There is no such thing as perfection, but with the right motivation I will show my fellow soldiers that they can achieve even more than they imagined. There will be different opportunities and challenges along the way, but I have never shied away from difficult situations. With the example I set as an officer, and the leadership that I bring to the unit, I will ensure mission readiness and troop welfare are at the forefront. In doing so, I will also help the overall mission of the Army.
With my prior enlisted experience, degree in emergency management, and over 11 years with a special response team, I know I will excel as an Army officer. No matter what branch that I may end up in I will bring with me, a strong work ethic, a strive to make those around me and myself better, honor and integrity. In the end, I am not looking to become an officer for what it can do for me, but what I can do for the Army. When the unit and people under my command succeed at their mission and raise the bar for the next soldiers that come along, that will be my reward.