Posted on Jul 13, 2014
I respect all members of all branches, but where is the good humored trash talk amongst the branches?
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Just for fun. Call them out. Everyone thinks their branch is the best. (Unless your Navy that's not true) funny stories about why you witnessed the other branches do.
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Posted >1 y ago
Responses: 116
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Military Rules by Service
Marine Corps Rules:
1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.
2. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough.
3. Have a plan.
4. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won't work.
5. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet even your friends…
6. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with a "4."
7. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.
8. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral & diagonal preferred.)
9. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.
10. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.
11. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.
12. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived.
13. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating your intention to shoot.
Navy SEAL's Rules:
1. Look very cool in sunglasses.
2. Kill every living thing within view.
3. Adjust speedo.
4. Check hair in mirror.
US Army Rangers Rules:
1. Walk in 50 miles wearing 75 pound rucksack while starving.
2. Locate individuals requiring killing.
3. Request permission via radio from "Higher" to perform killing.
4. Curse bitterly when mission is aborted.
5. Walk out 50 miles wearing a 75 pound rucksack while starving.
US Army Rules:
1. Curse bitterly when receiving operational order.
2. Make sure there is extra ammo and extra coffee.
3. Curse bitterly.
4. Curse bitterly.
5. Do not listen to 2nd LT's; it can get you killed.
6. Curse bitterly.
US Air Force Rules:
1. Have a cocktail.
2. Adjust temperature on air-conditioner.
3. See what's on HBO.
4. Ask "what is a gunfight?"
5. Request more funding from Congress with a "killer" Power Point presentation.
6. Wine & dine 'key' Congressmen, invite DOD & defense industry executives.
7. Receive funding, set up new command and assemble assets.
8. Declare the assets "strategic" and never deploy them operationally.
9. Hurry to make 13:45 tee-time.
10. Make sure the base is as far as possible from the conflict but close enough to have tax exemption.
US Navy Rules:
1. Go to Sea.
2. Drink Coffee.
3. Deploy Marines
Marine Corps Rules:
1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.
2. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough.
3. Have a plan.
4. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won't work.
5. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet even your friends…
6. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with a "4."
7. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.
8. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral & diagonal preferred.)
9. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.
10. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.
11. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.
12. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived.
13. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating your intention to shoot.
Navy SEAL's Rules:
1. Look very cool in sunglasses.
2. Kill every living thing within view.
3. Adjust speedo.
4. Check hair in mirror.
US Army Rangers Rules:
1. Walk in 50 miles wearing 75 pound rucksack while starving.
2. Locate individuals requiring killing.
3. Request permission via radio from "Higher" to perform killing.
4. Curse bitterly when mission is aborted.
5. Walk out 50 miles wearing a 75 pound rucksack while starving.
US Army Rules:
1. Curse bitterly when receiving operational order.
2. Make sure there is extra ammo and extra coffee.
3. Curse bitterly.
4. Curse bitterly.
5. Do not listen to 2nd LT's; it can get you killed.
6. Curse bitterly.
US Air Force Rules:
1. Have a cocktail.
2. Adjust temperature on air-conditioner.
3. See what's on HBO.
4. Ask "what is a gunfight?"
5. Request more funding from Congress with a "killer" Power Point presentation.
6. Wine & dine 'key' Congressmen, invite DOD & defense industry executives.
7. Receive funding, set up new command and assemble assets.
8. Declare the assets "strategic" and never deploy them operationally.
9. Hurry to make 13:45 tee-time.
10. Make sure the base is as far as possible from the conflict but close enough to have tax exemption.
US Navy Rules:
1. Go to Sea.
2. Drink Coffee.
3. Deploy Marines
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SCPO (Join to see)
SN Elgin Beck It is because the Coast Guard is like the ids the parents (Navy) leave at home when they go on vacation. We trust you enough to watch the country, but if you let someone in you aren't supposed to, we will kick your ass.
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PO1 (Join to see)
Don't worry about it SN Beck, someone's got to take care of the "real military's" wives while they are gone.
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I could tell you all my Air Force jokes but it seems like you want jokes about the military.
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SPC Charles Brown
Where is the I never wanted to come home medal for those of us who loved serving overseas?
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MAJ (Join to see)
SPC Foltz, good one. If any ribbon is the "My Recruiter Lied" Ribbon, it's the one the entire Army qualifies for...
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A soldier, sailor, marine, airman and coast guardsman all walk into a bar together. Who walks out first?
All the civilians...
All the civilians...
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PFC Zanie Young
Reminds me of a joke I heard about an officer commanding his soldiers to take the hill only to get shot off... Still good!
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SPC Ryan Aday
One day four 3 stars (1 Army, 1 Navy, 1 Marine, 1 Air Force) are standing next to a brand new jump at Fort Jackson. The Air Force general says to the others that the Air Force is tougher than any of the other branches. He then calls his driver over "Airman, come here!" The Air walks over and stands at attention. "I want you to climb to the top of that tower and jump off of it." The air slowly climbs the tower, stops and takes his breath then continues to the top. When he gets to the top he kneels down and dangles his legs off of the edge. He then pushes himself off of the tower and lands on his ass, breaking his hip.
The Admiral then says, " Oh Yeah, well my seamen are a hell of a lot tougher than that." He then calls for his driver, Seaman front and center. His driver quickly runs over. "I want you to run up that tower and dive off!!" The sailor quickly runs to the top and without missing a beat he dives off doing a beautiful swan dive, landing face first into the ground, snapping his neck.
The Marine general then says, " There is no way in hell that some squid will ever outdo a Marine!!!!!!!!!!!!" "Devil Dog front and center!!!!!" His snaps to attention in front of him so quickly that you would of thought he was a bolt of lightning. "Aye Sir" " I want you to as fast as godly possible fly up those steps to the top of that tower then do the most incredible, amazing dive ever performed in the history of mankind!!!!! And do it with style!!!!""Aye Sir" The Marine Then runs so fast up the tower that they still swear that he was flying. He then jumps high into the air doing somersaults, flips, spins and even twists. He then straightens out and drives himself 4 feet into the ground.
Just as the Marine general is about to boast to the others, the Army general speaks," Oh you think that's balls, watch this." "Soldier, Fall In!" Yes Sir" The soldier stands at attention. "I want you to fly up that tower, faster than that Marine. I want you to jump higher, stay in the air longer, and bury yourself deeper than that Marine. And I want you to do it with a sense of style!" The soldier looks at the general, looks at the tower, then looks at the other three stars. He then snaps to a sharp salute. Tells the general F$#$ You, performs an about face and walks away.
The three 3 stars just stand there in a state of shock. Totally speechless. The Army general then speaks. " Now that's what I call Balls!"
The Admiral then says, " Oh Yeah, well my seamen are a hell of a lot tougher than that." He then calls for his driver, Seaman front and center. His driver quickly runs over. "I want you to run up that tower and dive off!!" The sailor quickly runs to the top and without missing a beat he dives off doing a beautiful swan dive, landing face first into the ground, snapping his neck.
The Marine general then says, " There is no way in hell that some squid will ever outdo a Marine!!!!!!!!!!!!" "Devil Dog front and center!!!!!" His snaps to attention in front of him so quickly that you would of thought he was a bolt of lightning. "Aye Sir" " I want you to as fast as godly possible fly up those steps to the top of that tower then do the most incredible, amazing dive ever performed in the history of mankind!!!!! And do it with style!!!!""Aye Sir" The Marine Then runs so fast up the tower that they still swear that he was flying. He then jumps high into the air doing somersaults, flips, spins and even twists. He then straightens out and drives himself 4 feet into the ground.
Just as the Marine general is about to boast to the others, the Army general speaks," Oh you think that's balls, watch this." "Soldier, Fall In!" Yes Sir" The soldier stands at attention. "I want you to fly up that tower, faster than that Marine. I want you to jump higher, stay in the air longer, and bury yourself deeper than that Marine. And I want you to do it with a sense of style!" The soldier looks at the general, looks at the tower, then looks at the other three stars. He then snaps to a sharp salute. Tells the general F$#$ You, performs an about face and walks away.
The three 3 stars just stand there in a state of shock. Totally speechless. The Army general then speaks. " Now that's what I call Balls!"
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SPC Charles Brown
Some people who think outside the box should be put back in and mailed to somewhere else. Where is the coldest place on earth?
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You know, just like the Brits and ourselves, we are different organizations divided by a common language.
Just think about what it means to secure a building to the different services.
Now, in the Army, we occupy and then build up defensive structures and add guards.
In the Marines, they blow the hell out of it and make sure nothing is living inside.
The Navy makes sure the windows are closed, lights are off and all doors locked.
Air Force? 10 year lease with an option to buy.
Just think about what it means to secure a building to the different services.
Now, in the Army, we occupy and then build up defensive structures and add guards.
In the Marines, they blow the hell out of it and make sure nothing is living inside.
The Navy makes sure the windows are closed, lights are off and all doors locked.
Air Force? 10 year lease with an option to buy.
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Cpl Michael Strickler
COL Randall C., I would like to point out that the Marines are the only ones that have truly secured the premises.
The Air Force will default on their loan due to the 'great capachino machine crisis of 2014' that occupies everyone's attention.
The Navy will of course be unaware to the squatters that broke in through the basement door (sentries drove by the building without exiting their vehicle... squatters were there for months without interruption.)
And the Army will be required to attend Battalion wide mandatory Suicide Prevention and Weekend Safety Classes leaving the site with only three men to guard from now seven new bastion watches.
The Marines were drug to the same classes, but the smoking crater in the foundation will be secure either way...
The Air Force will default on their loan due to the 'great capachino machine crisis of 2014' that occupies everyone's attention.
The Navy will of course be unaware to the squatters that broke in through the basement door (sentries drove by the building without exiting their vehicle... squatters were there for months without interruption.)
And the Army will be required to attend Battalion wide mandatory Suicide Prevention and Weekend Safety Classes leaving the site with only three men to guard from now seven new bastion watches.
The Marines were drug to the same classes, but the smoking crater in the foundation will be secure either way...
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Sorry if it freezes, it is probably still buffering, just keep pushing play and it will eventually load.
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Sgt Packy Flickinger
So the bus driver got caught and now trying to playing it off. I gave it one token push.
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Lt Col (Join to see)
Bwahahah, my Army friends crack themselves up for days joking about the Air Force, but have admitted on occasion that it is out of jealousy. Carebear is a semi-accurate representation, caring, happy, rainbow, and...P-I-N-K!!!
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Cpl Michael Strickler
SSG (Join to see), That is simply due to the fact that the Army does the occupying.
And you can't keep Marines in any one place for too long because we will start creating havoc outside of mission parameters...
Joking aside though, I wish the Marines had a posting there; I would do that job for a career given the chance. Those guys are so bamf and the fact they have not left that tomb unguarded for like eighty years to me makes it the most revered memorial on the planet... even above the Iwo Gima memorial.
And you can't keep Marines in any one place for too long because we will start creating havoc outside of mission parameters...
Joking aside though, I wish the Marines had a posting there; I would do that job for a career given the chance. Those guys are so bamf and the fact they have not left that tomb unguarded for like eighty years to me makes it the most revered memorial on the planet... even above the Iwo Gima memorial.
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SSG (Join to see)
Cpl Michael Strickler, I hear you, brother. I've never been to the memorial but definitely want to see it some day. They are definitely some very honorable personnel to guard the Tomb.
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PFC Jason Rodrigues
The things that the Army is jealous of the chAir Force in these respects...you have a better standard of living (hence better chow and bigger, nicer quarters) and prettier women on average.
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In my civilian job I have several Marines who I work with, a couple of Army, and one Air Force. Sometimes the banter gets pretty thick and is quite funny. Then one one chimes in that never wore the uniform to make fun of the the Navy guy everyone stops and looks at him, total silence, it was quite funny watching him back stroke to hide under his desk. He knew he crossed the line; you can't make fun of the different branches unless you wore one of the uniforms!
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MSgt (Join to see)
I have a guy at work who never wore a uniform that thinks its funny to tell me I wasn't a real Marine (79-85). Then he had to back down when one of my Army buddies a Captain tore into him. He had to leave the break room with his tail between his legs. I didn't even have to say a thing just laugh.
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SN Elgin Beck
You know it is great that we all can joke about Army, Navy, Marines, and Air Force because let face it we are all one big family and we are all glade to not be the red headed step child in the family that is the Cost Guard.
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SSgt David Norcutt
I have several veterans in my department from all branches and all eras, Vietnam to cold war to Afghanistan, and it's the same thing here. Joke all we want between each other but God help the guy who didn't serve, and says anything out of turn!
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Cpl Michael Strickler
SSG (Join to see), that is because the green weenie is tough to take in a prone position...
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Sgt Packy Flickinger
SSG (Join to see) It does, because our rifle range doesn't require quarters to be inserted first.
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SGT Joseph Smith
I personally would enjoy them 'SSgt Cullen Fair'(images), but the CPL has a nice blunt meme: awesome presentation soldier.
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SGT Joseph Smith
CPT Carrie, ma'am: just an amazing Titanic moment, thank you for this 5-second image moment ma'am.
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Sgt (Join to see)
CPT Carrie P., you got that Titanic theme song stuck in my head ma'am. Now my mission has become to get the song stuck in as many service members heads as I possibly can before the sun sets out here in Afghanistan. See what you've done ma'am?
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I recall a conversation I had during OIF with a good friend of mine who is a Marine.
He hit me with the old joke, "You know what ARMY stands for? Ain't Ready for Marine Yet!"
To which I replied, "and do you know what MARINE stands for? Muscles Are Required, Intelligence Non-Essential!"
We've been jabbing at each other every since.
He hit me with the old joke, "You know what ARMY stands for? Ain't Ready for Marine Yet!"
To which I replied, "and do you know what MARINE stands for? Muscles Are Required, Intelligence Non-Essential!"
We've been jabbing at each other every since.
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PFC Jason Rodrigues
US ARMY if reversed is YMRA SU which stands for Yes My Retarded Ass Signed Up
I always thought MARINE stood for My Ass Rides In Navy Equipment
I always thought MARINE stood for My Ass Rides In Navy Equipment
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Capt Jeff Quinn
Try Uncle Sam's Misguided Children- the Navy is simply the Department of Transportation for the Marine Corps. Or the other way around, the Marine Corps is a department of the Navy- that would be the Men's Department- :)
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