Posted on Feb 16, 2015
Is is appropriate for the Military to interfere with personnel's personal life and marraige, or should they mind their business?
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All too often a Military spouse can give a call to a Chain of Command no matter how ridiculous the complaint the Chain of Command reacts. A text message deemed inappropriate by a spouse call 1SG, stayed out too late calls 1SG, got upset about something call 1SG. On the otherside of the equation, you can catch your spouse with a line of people outside to have sex with, who can you call, or what can you do. Your wife leaves home and doesn't come back for a week who can you call? My problem is if the Military is going to empower a spouse than there needs to be something in place for soldiers. The Army's fix all is to move the soldier into the barracks while he still pays the bills of where his/her spouse is residing. Is that fair? Could this be the reason so many Military couples divorce?
Posted in these groups: 
Relationships
Divorce
Relationships Divorce
Edited 11 y ago
Posted 11 y ago
Responses: 9
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Unfortunately the spouses do not fall under UCCMJ like those wearing the uniform do, and the benefit of the doubt will almost always go to the spouse until such time as evidence is found supporting the servicemember's claim, and even then their is nothing that can be done outside of possibly barring the spouse from coming on post or removing the family from post housing and even then it will be held against the servicemember. It's one of those things one deals with for the sake of serving this country, is it right, not at all, but unfortunately that's the way it is.....
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In my first two commands I would tell spouses and parents who would call to complain about my Soldiers that 'I train and develop good Soldiers, not husbands and fathers.' If a Soldier's professional work was being affected by his personal issues, we would intervene, but other than that, we left his husbandly and fatherly duties to his upbringing.
If the spouse is cheating or bat-shit crazy, we wouldn't be marriage counselors, but we would recommend and assist setting them up with marriage counseling through Military OneSource or ACS.
Don't get me wrong, if the Soldier was neglecting his wife/children where he was withholding money, food, etc, then we would intervene, but for the most part, we try to leave personal lives alone.
If the spouse is cheating or bat-shit crazy, we wouldn't be marriage counselors, but we would recommend and assist setting them up with marriage counseling through Military OneSource or ACS.
Don't get me wrong, if the Soldier was neglecting his wife/children where he was withholding money, food, etc, then we would intervene, but for the most part, we try to leave personal lives alone.
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Unfortunately military members get the short stick in some cases.
It is the military member that is in contract with the government/military, not the spouse. The spouse is under not obligation to remain faithful or not do drugs.
As a leader, you have the power to advise the service member in what actions to take.
We (as a nation) have not gotten to know who we marry before 'jumping in'. We have also lost the mindset of commitment being forever. Courtship has been lost to speed dating and online match making. Divorce is a signature on a piece of paper - easy way out, no real commitment. As leaders and military members, we need to get to know a person before marriage. Not every person can handle the stress of military life.
It is the military member that is in contract with the government/military, not the spouse. The spouse is under not obligation to remain faithful or not do drugs.
As a leader, you have the power to advise the service member in what actions to take.
We (as a nation) have not gotten to know who we marry before 'jumping in'. We have also lost the mindset of commitment being forever. Courtship has been lost to speed dating and online match making. Divorce is a signature on a piece of paper - easy way out, no real commitment. As leaders and military members, we need to get to know a person before marriage. Not every person can handle the stress of military life.
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SFC (Join to see) A USAF NCO got into trouble because his wife falsely accused him for hitting her. The wife cheated on him (multiple occasions with multiple guys). She took off halfway across the country for some guy with his kids. The CoC basically stood on the spouse's side. Basically, he couldn't divorce her fast enough. He lost half of his retirement PLUS child support and alimony. This problem doesn't only happen in the Army.
Yes, we should provide resources to make a military family healthy and happy. Should the CoC intervene and inject its 2 cents? In my opinion, no.
Yes, we should provide resources to make a military family healthy and happy. Should the CoC intervene and inject its 2 cents? In my opinion, no.
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Exactly right on all accounts. But you know what? The Army will always interfere. You can't legislate or mandate common sense and maturity. Either someone has this or they don't, no amount of stripes or officer's bars will change that. And neither will time in grade.
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Not sure how to answer that but I can understand your frustration. However, I think the 1SG needs to take each call on case by case basis and if it is the same spouse maybe have the FRG leader intervene. A spouse should not be that big of an impact on a unit.
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SFC (Join to see)
Very frustrating. No matter what the 1SG or FRG leader does, there is nothing they can do to a spouse. If your wife beats your a$$, YOU get moved to the Barracks for a cool down. Your spouse cheats on you, YOU get moved into the barrakcs. Basically your spouse has more power due to the military. When I personally think they should stay out of people's marriages.
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People who argue that the COC should "stay out of their subordinates' lives completely" can't turn around and scream "why didn't the COC do something?!" when a terrible incident occurs. It's a case by case basis. You only truly understand when you are in that leadership role.
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SFC (Join to see)
In certain cases of abuse and neglect I can understand the CoC intervening, that's very understandable. But things like the spouse leaving the soldier and calls the CoC because he/she isn't sending BAH. Had a female soldier who was married with a child. The hubby wasn't with her, he called the CoC demanding BAH. They made her send it to him then were pissed when she couldn't afford child care. It's cases like that and cases of a spouse calling with menial complaints, all of a sudden you are Joe Dirtbag.
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I think the CoC should stay out of personnel's personal lives.
Here in the civilian world if an angry girlfriend called my boss then my boss would tell her he doesn't care and to keep drama outside of work.
I think the army should be the same way. Keep your drama out of work.
If you catch your significant other sleeping around, you know what you can do? Get a divorce. It's that simple. Gather whatever evidence you can and go see a lawyer.
Here in the civilian world if an angry girlfriend called my boss then my boss would tell her he doesn't care and to keep drama outside of work.
I think the army should be the same way. Keep your drama out of work.
If you catch your significant other sleeping around, you know what you can do? Get a divorce. It's that simple. Gather whatever evidence you can and go see a lawyer.
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SFC (Join to see)
Briefs well, but have you heard of the Uniformed Service Former Spouse Protection act? Basically an unfaithful spouse can get a percentage of your retirement, it allows division of personal property, if you have TSP they get half of that. Again another little way of the military giving service members the high hard one. On top of all that in some states she is entitled to alimony until she gets remarried.
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