Posted on Dec 23, 2018
Is it hard for anyone else when coming home for good?
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Is it safe to upload a copy of you’re DD214 copy one on this website to verify you’re military affiliation? Also is anyone else having trouble making friends? I got home on Dec 6th, since then other then contact with my family I have zero contact with anyone other then hi, how are you passing by people in my small town. I don’t want to sound like I am weak for asking this. It is just starting to get to me a little, eating alone and or going to get coffee after a morning run and just sitting at the table people watching. Does anyone else have this issue and then feel different or broken?
Posted 6 y ago
Responses: 8
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You are different, but not broken. Without knowing anything about your time in service, whether you deployed or not, I know that you have been places, seen and done things; and been exposed to concepts that are not common among those who have not served. That is a good thing. It doesn't make you better or worse than civilians, but it gives you a more worldly perspective. Even your high school buddies will find it difficult to relate. I found it hard to relate to them because what they thought was super important, nobody would remember in three months.
Now here's some advice. Relationships, good ones, are built around common activities. Do stuff, good stuff.
-Serve your community. In small towns I personally recommend the volunteer fire and rescue department. Most of them will put you in probationary status and after six months or a year, they will pay for you to go to school to get your certification. You'll make friends every bit as close as you did in service, and the community will really appreciate what you do. People will seek you out and want to get to know you.
-Play sports. Go to the park and watch. Sooner or later someone' going to need an extra guy. If you are any good at sports, go to the local public school and see if the coach is looking for volunteers to help coach. DO NOT volunteer to be a ref/ump until you are well established in the community. Small town grudges may never go away if people don't know you.
-If you see someone who needs a hand, lend it... without any expectation of reward. My best buddy is a guy who I met because his elderly mother couldn't reach groceries on the top shelf. I helped.
-I met another friend because a wind storm knocked down trees all around town. I grabbed my chainsaw and firewood kit, then went door to door helping to clean up the windfalls.
-Don't make your friends in places or situations that aren't bad by themselves, but can easily lead to bad places/habits. Stay away from bars, until you are going their with new friends. Drinking alone when you think you feel different or broken is never a good thing.
-Go fishing. Sooner or later you'll run into the same guys often enough that you start talking to each other.
-Get a pet, and take the pet for walks. Everyone worth knowing likes dogs. If they don't, that tells you something.
You got out during the holidays, people tend to be family centric, give it a few months. I don't know where you live but in northern Michigan, where I am, people aren't outside much. Once it warms up just be outside doing stuff.
Now here's some advice. Relationships, good ones, are built around common activities. Do stuff, good stuff.
-Serve your community. In small towns I personally recommend the volunteer fire and rescue department. Most of them will put you in probationary status and after six months or a year, they will pay for you to go to school to get your certification. You'll make friends every bit as close as you did in service, and the community will really appreciate what you do. People will seek you out and want to get to know you.
-Play sports. Go to the park and watch. Sooner or later someone' going to need an extra guy. If you are any good at sports, go to the local public school and see if the coach is looking for volunteers to help coach. DO NOT volunteer to be a ref/ump until you are well established in the community. Small town grudges may never go away if people don't know you.
-If you see someone who needs a hand, lend it... without any expectation of reward. My best buddy is a guy who I met because his elderly mother couldn't reach groceries on the top shelf. I helped.
-I met another friend because a wind storm knocked down trees all around town. I grabbed my chainsaw and firewood kit, then went door to door helping to clean up the windfalls.
-Don't make your friends in places or situations that aren't bad by themselves, but can easily lead to bad places/habits. Stay away from bars, until you are going their with new friends. Drinking alone when you think you feel different or broken is never a good thing.
-Go fishing. Sooner or later you'll run into the same guys often enough that you start talking to each other.
-Get a pet, and take the pet for walks. Everyone worth knowing likes dogs. If they don't, that tells you something.
You got out during the holidays, people tend to be family centric, give it a few months. I don't know where you live but in northern Michigan, where I am, people aren't outside much. Once it warms up just be outside doing stuff.
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SPC Tyler Bryant
Thank you, that’s sorta what I am doing now. I figure ounce school starts up and the holidays are over things will pick up and I will meet new people.
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SPC Tyler Bryant Tyler, I verified my account with no problems. Contact [login to see] with questions you have about verifying your account.
When you joined the military, I am sure that was a culture shock and included an adjustment period. Now that you have left the military, you will also have an adjustment period. Have a plan and set goals. Stay busy and you will have less time to dwell on the negative.
When I was discharged, I started work and school which kept me busy. What are your plans? Do you have a job lined up, are you starting college? If you have the time, do some volunteer work. Do not sit at the table watching people. Go interact with those people. Join organizations where you meet people.
You are different from those that have not served, but you are not broken, You are on RallyPoint, which has many veterans who have also experienced the difficulties of reentering the civilian world. Welcome to RallyPoint Tyler.
http://support.rallypoint.com/customer/en/portal/articles/1342956-how-do-i-verify-my-account-
When you joined the military, I am sure that was a culture shock and included an adjustment period. Now that you have left the military, you will also have an adjustment period. Have a plan and set goals. Stay busy and you will have less time to dwell on the negative.
When I was discharged, I started work and school which kept me busy. What are your plans? Do you have a job lined up, are you starting college? If you have the time, do some volunteer work. Do not sit at the table watching people. Go interact with those people. Join organizations where you meet people.
You are different from those that have not served, but you are not broken, You are on RallyPoint, which has many veterans who have also experienced the difficulties of reentering the civilian world. Welcome to RallyPoint Tyler.
http://support.rallypoint.com/customer/en/portal/articles/1342956-how-do-i-verify-my-account-
Verifying your account is an essential part of your user experience, as more of the network becomes opened up to you aft...
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SPC Tyler Bryant
Thank you, right now I am spending time with family and waiting in school to start so I can go to my community college full time.
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CPL James S.
SPC Tyler Bryant - Also, Maj John Bell had a great suggestion: Join the local volunteer fire department!
Regardless of the size of the community they tend to do outreach into the community exposing you to new ideas and people, you will be there to help others, you serve the community, you meet people on the job, barbecuing and training, and, speaking from experience as a retired professional Truck Captain, everybody loves the fire department. I still have to beat away the throngs of groupies seeking just to be near my awesome magnificence... LMFAO
Something else occurred to me that I thought I should pass on to you: you have been able to do things that civilians won't understand and will likely think you're lying about. Don't let that bother you. Or, just don't comment on it.
Regardless of the size of the community they tend to do outreach into the community exposing you to new ideas and people, you will be there to help others, you serve the community, you meet people on the job, barbecuing and training, and, speaking from experience as a retired professional Truck Captain, everybody loves the fire department. I still have to beat away the throngs of groupies seeking just to be near my awesome magnificence... LMFAO
Something else occurred to me that I thought I should pass on to you: you have been able to do things that civilians won't understand and will likely think you're lying about. Don't let that bother you. Or, just don't comment on it.
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Maj John Bell
CPL James S. - We joke with the cops. Let a guy off with a warning for no seat belt and doing 90 in a 50 mph hour zone a cop is still a jerk. A fireman can save 2/3 of a fuzzy photo that is 25 years old and hasn't been looked at in 24 years... he's a gol durned HERO.
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It will take a while to make friends after getting out. Unless you find that civilians just won't understand you. It's like going to a different country. I would recommend finding your local American Legion or VFW and making a friend or two there, then broaden your horizons. Transitioning back to civilian life is not easy.
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