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The value of an Officer VS a NCO
A 2LT was walking home from work one day, when he noticed a little boy sitting on the sidewalk.
The little boy was playing with a pile of shit. Curious, the 2LT walked over to the little boy and asked him "Why are you playing with a pile of shit?" The little boy replied "I'm building an NCO". The 2LT, amused by this, ran back to the company to get his captain. Upon returning to the little boy, who was still playing with the pile of shit, the Captain asked "Son, what are you doing?" The little boy looked up at him and said " I'm building an NCO". The captain being equally amused insisted that they return and get the 1SG. When the three returned the little boy, still playing with his pile of shit, was asked by the 1SG "Son, what are you doing?" The little boy again replied "I'm building and NCO". "Why are you building an NCO?" asked the 1SG. The little boy paused and responded "Because I don't have enough shit to build an officer"
A 2LT was walking home from work one day, when he noticed a little boy sitting on the sidewalk.
The little boy was playing with a pile of shit. Curious, the 2LT walked over to the little boy and asked him "Why are you playing with a pile of shit?" The little boy replied "I'm building an NCO". The 2LT, amused by this, ran back to the company to get his captain. Upon returning to the little boy, who was still playing with the pile of shit, the Captain asked "Son, what are you doing?" The little boy looked up at him and said " I'm building an NCO". The captain being equally amused insisted that they return and get the 1SG. When the three returned the little boy, still playing with his pile of shit, was asked by the 1SG "Son, what are you doing?" The little boy again replied "I'm building and NCO". "Why are you building an NCO?" asked the 1SG. The little boy paused and responded "Because I don't have enough shit to build an officer"
Posted in these groups: 
Humor
Humor
Posted >1 y ago
Responses: 112
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Japanese sex
A Japanese couple is having an argument over ways of
performing highly erotic sex:
Husband: Sukitaki.
Wife replies: Kowanini!
Husband says: Toka a anji rodi roumi yakoo!
Wife on her knees literally begging: Mimi nakoundinda tinkouji!
Husband replies angrily: Na miaou kina tim kouji!
I can't believe your ass just sat there and tried to read this. As if
you understand Japanese!
Unbelievable!
I knew you would read anything as long as it is about sex.
You need help!!
A Japanese couple is having an argument over ways of
performing highly erotic sex:
Husband: Sukitaki.
Wife replies: Kowanini!
Husband says: Toka a anji rodi roumi yakoo!
Wife on her knees literally begging: Mimi nakoundinda tinkouji!
Husband replies angrily: Na miaou kina tim kouji!
I can't believe your ass just sat there and tried to read this. As if
you understand Japanese!
Unbelievable!
I knew you would read anything as long as it is about sex.
You need help!!
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SSG (Join to see)
Is it bad if I had my son read it? He looked at the first 2 words and said "I'm not reading that, it's gross!" So I told him that I wanted to see if he could pronounce the words any better than I could. Listening to him pronounce them= hilarious! His response to me at the end, "you're a butthole!" And then we laughed!
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A newly commissioned 2LT was made aid to a GEN. The GEN was excited to mentor his new 2LT and began to tell about the new 2LT's exciting career growth possibilities.
"What you are now is a fresh 2LT with a shiny golden bar. This shows that you are bright and shiny, but still malleable and willing to improve."
"Once you get promoted your bar will tarnish and become silver which increases your worth and your durability."
"From there you will eventually gain a second bar to show that you have doubled your value."
"As your career grows you will eventually put on the soaring eagle, symbol of our freedom, and then eventually start with your starts to show your lofty assent."
The 2LT is confused for a second and asks the GEN: "Sir, I think you forgot a few ranks in there, what about MAJs and LTCs?"
The GEN replied: "Well, I didn't forget them, we here in the military just do what artists have done for thousands of years. We use leaves to cover up our dicks and assholes."
"What you are now is a fresh 2LT with a shiny golden bar. This shows that you are bright and shiny, but still malleable and willing to improve."
"Once you get promoted your bar will tarnish and become silver which increases your worth and your durability."
"From there you will eventually gain a second bar to show that you have doubled your value."
"As your career grows you will eventually put on the soaring eagle, symbol of our freedom, and then eventually start with your starts to show your lofty assent."
The 2LT is confused for a second and asks the GEN: "Sir, I think you forgot a few ranks in there, what about MAJs and LTCs?"
The GEN replied: "Well, I didn't forget them, we here in the military just do what artists have done for thousands of years. We use leaves to cover up our dicks and assholes."
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Here's one of my favorites.
When Bill and Hillary first got married Bill said, "I put a box under the bed.
Promise me you will never to look in it."
In all their 30 years of marriage, Hillary never looked.
On the afternoon of their 30th anniversary, curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside.
In it were 3 empty beer cans and $81,874.25 in cash. She closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew what was in the box, she was doubly curious as to why there was such a box and with those contents.
That evening, they were out for a special anniversary dinner.
After dinner, Hillary could no longer contain her curiosity and she confessed, saying, I'm so sorry, Bill. For all these years, I kept my promise and never looked into the box under our bed. However, today the temptation was too much and I gave in. But now I need to know, why do you keep the 3 beer cans in the box?
Bill thought for a while and said, "I guess after all these years you deserve to know the truth.
Whenever I was unfaithful to you, I put an empty beer can in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again.
Hillary was shocked, but thought, "Hmmm, Jennifer, Paula and Monica. And since I know he is addicted to sex, three times is not too bad.
She said, OK Bill, I guess I can forgive you. Bill thanked her for being so understanding. They hugged and made their peace.
A little while later Hillary asked Bill, "So why do you have all that money in the box?"
He answered, "Well, whenever the box filled up with empty cans, I took them to the recycling center."
When Bill and Hillary first got married Bill said, "I put a box under the bed.
Promise me you will never to look in it."
In all their 30 years of marriage, Hillary never looked.
On the afternoon of their 30th anniversary, curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside.
In it were 3 empty beer cans and $81,874.25 in cash. She closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew what was in the box, she was doubly curious as to why there was such a box and with those contents.
That evening, they were out for a special anniversary dinner.
After dinner, Hillary could no longer contain her curiosity and she confessed, saying, I'm so sorry, Bill. For all these years, I kept my promise and never looked into the box under our bed. However, today the temptation was too much and I gave in. But now I need to know, why do you keep the 3 beer cans in the box?
Bill thought for a while and said, "I guess after all these years you deserve to know the truth.
Whenever I was unfaithful to you, I put an empty beer can in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again.
Hillary was shocked, but thought, "Hmmm, Jennifer, Paula and Monica. And since I know he is addicted to sex, three times is not too bad.
She said, OK Bill, I guess I can forgive you. Bill thanked her for being so understanding. They hugged and made their peace.
A little while later Hillary asked Bill, "So why do you have all that money in the box?"
He answered, "Well, whenever the box filled up with empty cans, I took them to the recycling center."
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MSgt Marvin Kinderknecht
The wife comes down stairs for breakfast and her husband is sitting at the table crying. Why are you crying, today is our 20th wedding anniversary . He said, I know. Remember when were messing around on the couch and your dad the Chief of Police said: If you don't marry my daughter I will see that you get 20 years in prison. The man then replied. TODAY I WOULD HAVE BEEN FREE!!
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If a picture is worth a thousand words, then that dog's face is worth at least 800 of them!
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The Ocean - ALL you Need to Know!!
Children Writing About the Ocean.
1) - This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles.(Kelly, age 6 )
2) - Oysters' balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6)
3) - If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don't
have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (Mike, age 7)
4) - Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily
Richardson. She's not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6)
5) - A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head.
(Billy, age 8)
6) - My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and
pots and comes back with crabs. (Millie, age 6)
7) - When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross
the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle
to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been
better off eating beans. (William, age 7)
8) - Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful
and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant?
Like, really? (Helen, age 6)
9) - I'm not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is
always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has
just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy, age 6)
10) - Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels
can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think
they have to plug themselves in to chargers. (Christopher, age 7)
11) - When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it
makes my willy small. (Kevin, age 6)
12) - Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can't
go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky, age 8)
13) - On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she
was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired
right up her big fat ass. (Julie, age 7)
14) - The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't
drown I don't know. (Bobby, age 6)
15) - My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the
ocean. What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my
mom. (James, age 7)
If you didn't smile at one of these, you need to find a better sense of hummer
Children Writing About the Ocean.
1) - This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles.(Kelly, age 6 )
2) - Oysters' balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6)
3) - If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don't
have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (Mike, age 7)
4) - Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily
Richardson. She's not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6)
5) - A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head.
(Billy, age 8)
6) - My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and
pots and comes back with crabs. (Millie, age 6)
7) - When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross
the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle
to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been
better off eating beans. (William, age 7)
8) - Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful
and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant?
Like, really? (Helen, age 6)
9) - I'm not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is
always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has
just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy, age 6)
10) - Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels
can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think
they have to plug themselves in to chargers. (Christopher, age 7)
11) - When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it
makes my willy small. (Kevin, age 6)
12) - Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can't
go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky, age 8)
13) - On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she
was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired
right up her big fat ass. (Julie, age 7)
14) - The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't
drown I don't know. (Bobby, age 6)
15) - My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the
ocean. What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my
mom. (James, age 7)
If you didn't smile at one of these, you need to find a better sense of hummer
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TSgt Melissa Post
I love how kiddos think. It's adorable. When I was in third grade we had an art teacher who was talking to us about the Eifel Tower. She had a prior student though who thought it was the "Awful Tower"...
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A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart
and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, 'What is this Father?' The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is.'
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them
into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.
They continued to watch until it reached the last number… and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son..... 'Go get your Mother'
and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, 'What is this Father?' The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is.'
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them
into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.
They continued to watch until it reached the last number… and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son..... 'Go get your Mother'
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After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her.
He looked at her for a while, then said, "You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, and K."
She asks ... "What does that mean?"
He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, and Hot.
"She smiled happily and said ... "Oh, that's so lovely ... What about I, J, and K?"
He said, "I'm Just Kidding!"
The swelling in his eye is going down and the doctor is fairly optimistic He'll be able to see again.
He looked at her for a while, then said, "You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, and K."
She asks ... "What does that mean?"
He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, and Hot.
"She smiled happily and said ... "Oh, that's so lovely ... What about I, J, and K?"
He said, "I'm Just Kidding!"
The swelling in his eye is going down and the doctor is fairly optimistic He'll be able to see again.
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