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The value of an Officer VS a NCO
A 2LT was walking home from work one day, when he noticed a little boy sitting on the sidewalk.
The little boy was playing with a pile of shit. Curious, the 2LT walked over to the little boy and asked him "Why are you playing with a pile of shit?" The little boy replied "I'm building an NCO". The 2LT, amused by this, ran back to the company to get his captain. Upon returning to the little boy, who was still playing with the pile of shit, the Captain asked "Son, what are you doing?" The little boy looked up at him and said " I'm building an NCO". The captain being equally amused insisted that they return and get the 1SG. When the three returned the little boy, still playing with his pile of shit, was asked by the 1SG "Son, what are you doing?" The little boy again replied "I'm building and NCO". "Why are you building an NCO?" asked the 1SG. The little boy paused and responded "Because I don't have enough shit to build an officer"
A 2LT was walking home from work one day, when he noticed a little boy sitting on the sidewalk.
The little boy was playing with a pile of shit. Curious, the 2LT walked over to the little boy and asked him "Why are you playing with a pile of shit?" The little boy replied "I'm building an NCO". The 2LT, amused by this, ran back to the company to get his captain. Upon returning to the little boy, who was still playing with the pile of shit, the Captain asked "Son, what are you doing?" The little boy looked up at him and said " I'm building an NCO". The captain being equally amused insisted that they return and get the 1SG. When the three returned the little boy, still playing with his pile of shit, was asked by the 1SG "Son, what are you doing?" The little boy again replied "I'm building and NCO". "Why are you building an NCO?" asked the 1SG. The little boy paused and responded "Because I don't have enough shit to build an officer"
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The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some History. Who
said: 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?
She saw a sea of blank faces, except
for Little Akio, a bright foreign exchange student from
Japan, who had his hand up:
"Patrick Henry, 1775," he said.
"Very good!
Who said: 'Government of the People, by the
People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth'?
Again, no response except from Little Akio:
"Abraham Lincoln, 1863."
"Excellent!" said the teacher
continuing. "Let's try one a bit more difficult.
Who said, 'Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your
country?"
Once again, Akio's was the only hand in the air and he
said: "John F. Kennedy, 1961."
The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed of yourselves.
Little Akio isn't from this country and he knows more about our history than you do."
She heard a loud whisper: "F--k the Japs."
"Who said that? I want to know right
now !" ...she angrily demanded.
Little Akio put his hand up, "General MacArthur, 1945."
At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."
The teacher glares around and asks, "All right! Now who said
that?"
Again, Little Akio says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister,
1991." Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!
Little Akio jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher,
"Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"
Now with almost mob hysteria someone said, "You little shit! If you say anything
else, I'll kill you!"
Little Akio frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Michael Jackson to the children testifying
against him, 2004."
The teacher fainted.
As the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone
said, "Oh shit, we're screwed!"
Little Akio said quietly, "Americans if Hillary gets elected."
said: 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?
She saw a sea of blank faces, except
for Little Akio, a bright foreign exchange student from
Japan, who had his hand up:
"Patrick Henry, 1775," he said.
"Very good!
Who said: 'Government of the People, by the
People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth'?
Again, no response except from Little Akio:
"Abraham Lincoln, 1863."
"Excellent!" said the teacher
continuing. "Let's try one a bit more difficult.
Who said, 'Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your
country?"
Once again, Akio's was the only hand in the air and he
said: "John F. Kennedy, 1961."
The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed of yourselves.
Little Akio isn't from this country and he knows more about our history than you do."
She heard a loud whisper: "F--k the Japs."
"Who said that? I want to know right
now !" ...she angrily demanded.
Little Akio put his hand up, "General MacArthur, 1945."
At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."
The teacher glares around and asks, "All right! Now who said
that?"
Again, Little Akio says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister,
1991." Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!
Little Akio jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher,
"Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"
Now with almost mob hysteria someone said, "You little shit! If you say anything
else, I'll kill you!"
Little Akio frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Michael Jackson to the children testifying
against him, 2004."
The teacher fainted.
As the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone
said, "Oh shit, we're screwed!"
Little Akio said quietly, "Americans if Hillary gets elected."
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Tom finally decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning one of his hot rods for an upcoming show. His wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks. "Honey, I've just been thinking, now that we are married maybe it's time you quit spending all your time out here in the garage and you probably should just consider selling all your cars along with your gun collection.”
Tom gets this horrified look on his face. She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"
"There for a minute you were starting to sound like my ex-wife."
"Ex wife!”, she screams, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!!!!"
Tom's reply: "I wasn't."
Tom gets this horrified look on his face. She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"
"There for a minute you were starting to sound like my ex-wife."
"Ex wife!”, she screams, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!!!!"
Tom's reply: "I wasn't."
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When my friend goes to her ATM, she always brings along Smith and Wesson.
She has never had any problems . . .
She has never had any problems . . .
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My civilian friends are always sending me these FB memes with pics of some remote cabin in the woods with the caption "For a million $ would you live here for a year without TV and internet". And I'm like, "Dude, I lived in a freaking tent in Iraq for a year without TV and internet, with mofos shooting at me and trying to blow me up." .....
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DUCT TAPE, Don't leave home without it:
During a private "fly-in" fishing
excursion in the Alaskan wilderness, the chartered pilot and fishermen
left a cooler with bait in the airplane. A bear smelled it. This is what
he did to the plane.
During a private "fly-in" fishing
excursion in the Alaskan wilderness, the chartered pilot and fishermen
left a cooler with bait in the airplane. A bear smelled it. This is what
he did to the plane.
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SGT (Join to see)
The pilot used his radio and had another pilot bring him 2 new tires, 3 cases of duct tape, and a supply of sheet plastic... He patched the plane together, and FLEW IT HOME !
Duct Tape! Never Leave Home Without It !
Duct Tape! Never Leave Home Without It !
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These are a collection of funny quotes from famous people.
And some of these are pretty funny...
John Glenn...
As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind - every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.
Desmond Tutu...
When the white missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we had the land. They said 'Let us pray.' We closed our eyes. When we opened them we had the Bible and they had the land.
David Letterman...
America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.
Howard Hughes...
I'm not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. I'm a billionaire.
Old Italian proverb...
After the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box.
Betsy Salkind...
Men are like linoleum floors. Lay 'em right and you can walk all over them for thirty years.
Jean Kerr...
The only reason they say 'Women and children first' is to test the strength of the lifeboats.
Zsa Zsa Gabor...
I've been married to a communist and a fascist, and neither would take out the garbage.
Jeff Foxworthy...
You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.
Prince Philip...
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.
Emo Philips...
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.
Harrison Ford...
Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself.
Spike Milligan...
The best cure for Sea Sickness, is to sit under a tree.
Robin Hall...
Lawyers believe a person is innocent until proven broke.
Jean Rostand...
Kill one man and you're a murderer, kill a million and you're a conqueror
Arnold Schwarzenegger...
Having more money doesn't make you happier. I have 50 million dollars but I'm just as happy as when I had 48 million.
WH Auden...
We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have no idea.
Jonathan Katz...
In hotel rooms I worry. I can't be the only guy who sits on the furniture naked
Johnny Carson...
If life were fair, Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead.
Warren Tantum... (School photo album).
I don't believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we're very skeptical
Steve Martin...
Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap
Jimmy Durante...
Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is.
Doug Hanwell...
America is so advanced that even the chairs are electric.
George Roberts...
The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone
Jonathan Winters...
If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport.
Robert Benchley...
I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
And some of these are pretty funny...
John Glenn...
As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind - every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder.
Desmond Tutu...
When the white missionaries came to Africa they had the Bible and we had the land. They said 'Let us pray.' We closed our eyes. When we opened them we had the Bible and they had the land.
David Letterman...
America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked.
Howard Hughes...
I'm not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. I'm a billionaire.
Old Italian proverb...
After the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box.
Betsy Salkind...
Men are like linoleum floors. Lay 'em right and you can walk all over them for thirty years.
Jean Kerr...
The only reason they say 'Women and children first' is to test the strength of the lifeboats.
Zsa Zsa Gabor...
I've been married to a communist and a fascist, and neither would take out the garbage.
Jeff Foxworthy...
You know you're a redneck if your home has wheels and your car doesn't.
Prince Philip...
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.
Emo Philips...
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.
Harrison Ford...
Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself.
Spike Milligan...
The best cure for Sea Sickness, is to sit under a tree.
Robin Hall...
Lawyers believe a person is innocent until proven broke.
Jean Rostand...
Kill one man and you're a murderer, kill a million and you're a conqueror
Arnold Schwarzenegger...
Having more money doesn't make you happier. I have 50 million dollars but I'm just as happy as when I had 48 million.
WH Auden...
We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have no idea.
Jonathan Katz...
In hotel rooms I worry. I can't be the only guy who sits on the furniture naked
Johnny Carson...
If life were fair, Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead.
Warren Tantum... (School photo album).
I don't believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we're very skeptical
Steve Martin...
Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap
Jimmy Durante...
Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is.
Doug Hanwell...
America is so advanced that even the chairs are electric.
George Roberts...
The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone
Jonathan Winters...
If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport.
Robert Benchley...
I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
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Have a
deep "belly" laugh! This is absolutely hilarious!
A water Bed in a
German furniture store. Note that the sign
says NOT to
get on the bed, but oh well..the best way to motivate people
to do something is to put up a sign
saying
"Don't........!"
Turn
on speakers and watch people trying out the water
bed.
It's in German, but that
only makes it funnier.
Watch for
the last two ladies !
http://www.youtube.com/embed/9wm-Ge8LL7o?rel=0
deep "belly" laugh! This is absolutely hilarious!
A water Bed in a
German furniture store. Note that the sign
says NOT to
get on the bed, but oh well..the best way to motivate people
to do something is to put up a sign
saying
"Don't........!"
Turn
on speakers and watch people trying out the water
bed.
It's in German, but that
only makes it funnier.
Watch for
the last two ladies !
http://www.youtube.com/embed/9wm-Ge8LL7o?rel=0
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