Posted on Sep 1, 2014
Lady Valor: Navy SEAL-turned transgender. Fair for his family?
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He was part of SEAL Team 6 (aka: Development Group, or DEVGRU, equivalent to Army Delta Force, or SFOD-D), the elite of the elite. Until he 'came out' and went transgender.
He may have accomplished missions while on teams and his views and preferences seemed irrelevant as long as missions were completed, but is it fair to the family that he hurt and practically 'left behind'? How did he get so caught up in 'American Dream' and wouldn't he 'come out' earlier?
PS: I'm NOT here to bash his decision to cross-gender. I'm here to express my disappointment to the family he let down after so many years. What's your take on this?
Please be objective and respectful. And if you decide to down-vote, your explanation will be appreciated.
The link below points to series that will commence on CNN shortly documenting her (formerly HIS) life:
http://www.cnn.com/SPECIALS/us/cnn-films-lady-valor-the-kristin-beck-story
He may have accomplished missions while on teams and his views and preferences seemed irrelevant as long as missions were completed, but is it fair to the family that he hurt and practically 'left behind'? How did he get so caught up in 'American Dream' and wouldn't he 'come out' earlier?
PS: I'm NOT here to bash his decision to cross-gender. I'm here to express my disappointment to the family he let down after so many years. What's your take on this?
Please be objective and respectful. And if you decide to down-vote, your explanation will be appreciated.
The link below points to series that will commence on CNN shortly documenting her (formerly HIS) life:
http://www.cnn.com/SPECIALS/us/cnn-films-lady-valor-the-kristin-beck-story
Marriage
Transgender
Family
Edited >1 y ago
Posted >1 y ago
Responses: 28
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None of us know the psychological drama that folks like this go through so I don't think anyone can or should judge what the "right" time for people like this is to make their decision to come out is. Its got to be an awful dilemma that people with this issue go through so what we see as right or wrong with their decisions and who they may or may not have hurt is irrelevant, IMHO.
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MAJ Robert (Bob) Petrarca
I always approach these situations thinking, "what if this were my child?" My wife and I will support our children no matter what may come. We are witnessing a situation with some close friends who have children our children's age and based on our observations one will more than likely be faced with this decision. They never address the issue with us but you can see what is going on. I pray they will be given the wisdom to deal with it if and when the time comes.
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I don't see where a consensus from anyone outside the family is called for. With all due respect it's none of our business. You say you're not bashing his gender change but you call it a "disappointment" to his family, that they were "let down" by his actions. As a man, he served with honor and integrity. He stood by his unit and his country. I would say he's earned the right to take his own path. I believe it will take every bit as much courage and fortitude to follow that path as his previous choices did. I would say let her go in peace with our gratitude for past services.
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I'm just shocked, personally. I knew a SS recipient at the VFW in Tacoma, WA who went there in a full length cocktail dress and sat right next to his wife. I will say my standard response whenever I feel like I could be ambushed by others......"I'll let God be the judge of other people's actions" and concentrate on my own life.
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SSG (Join to see)
I never clamed to be an English major. only expressing my opinion and that is also the biblical outlook of homosexual activity
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LTC (Join to see)
As you put it, "the biblical outlook of homosexual activity" is debated: Ever hear of David and Jonathan? Why discuss your nephew in a public forum where he can't defend himself? Do his parents (your sibling and in-law) condone you making comments about their son in public fora? If they are as uncomfortable about his sexuality as you are, do you really think they would want you posting your comments?
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PO1 John Smith
SSG (Join to see) some guy in the 1930's wanted to lock up all of the homosexuals too.
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SSG(P) Matthew Bisbee
I do believe that Jesus said, Judge not, lest ye be judged and let those without sin throw the first stone. I do not agree with her decision to change genders, but I absolutlely respect and honor all of the things she has accomplished during her military career. That should not be deminished one bit. I would not be ashamded to have served in a unit with her.
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Honestly, he/she served their country with honor. They can do whatever they damn well please.
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He was caught up in the American Dream. Grew up pledging allegiance to the flag. gave an oath to protect the Constitution for all threats foreign and domestic. What happened is he was told "Boys don't cry." He was told "Serve GOD and Country proudly and valiantly. He was told "to get married and have kids." He shown courage under fire in the service of his country. with one of the elitist military groups of all time. Leave him alone. He s finally free
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Suspended Profile
PO1 (Join to see). My opinion . . . Oh My Gosh . . . NO!!! . . . It is SO UNFAIR!!!
This is pure political correctness, extremist liberal, pseudoscientific psychology RUN AMOK!!!
There is no mention of any significant attempt to confront his internal psychological demons!!!
This is just a headlong rush to fulfill schizophrenic delusion aided by psych money grubbers!!!
This is a product of pseudoscientific medical / psychological industry profit from poor souls!!!
Something more should have been done to help this combat veteran deal with his issues!!!
Warmest Regards, Sandy
This is pure political correctness, extremist liberal, pseudoscientific psychology RUN AMOK!!!
There is no mention of any significant attempt to confront his internal psychological demons!!!
This is just a headlong rush to fulfill schizophrenic delusion aided by psych money grubbers!!!
This is a product of pseudoscientific medical / psychological industry profit from poor souls!!!
Something more should have been done to help this combat veteran deal with his issues!!!
Warmest Regards, Sandy
Suspended Profile
LTC (Join to see). When you get right down to it, my own reaction is based on both published medical / psychiatric literature . . . and having seen far too many patients approach the end of their rope . . . due to the superficial politically appropriate "care" and "treatment" rendered to this specific patient population. The current social movement and political atmosphere makes it all but impossible for practitioners seeing these patients to do much in terms of slowing down and more carefully exploring any alternative diagnoses and/or methods of treatment. Patients demand X, Y, and Z procedures . . . or they just go to elsewhere to get what they seek. This is not what these medical procedures were developed to treat . . . and the sequelae in terms of serious harm to the individual patient and their families has been all but totally ignored. There are few extraordinary people with fabulous stories to tell . . . that inspire a great many others who ultimately suffer terribly deep depression and despair.
Warmest Regards, Sandy
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For example, what can anyone do for patients who have lost any capacity for intense deeply felt physical sensations . . . because key nerves were cut or damaged by surgical procedures or extensive subsequent scarring involving key regions of the groin, torso, and face? Do you think anything can be done to remedy these issues?
Take a look at the "gender" clinics . . . are any, much less any significant number, based out of major university hospitals??? Or do they tend to operate with minimal funds in minimal facilities relying on minimally qualified practitioners??? Why don't they worry about malpractice . . . they have nothing to lose . . . because there is nothing to take . . . no one will waste time or money on a lawsuit!!!
Let's get down to brass tacks . . . Do you know of anyone in the world who can build a satisfactory functioning penis out of thin air? This is well beyond any medical technology that is available today.
Warmest Regards, Sandy
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For example, what can anyone do for patients who have lost any capacity for intense deeply felt physical sensations . . . because key nerves were cut or damaged by surgical procedures or extensive subsequent scarring involving key regions of the groin, torso, and face? Do you think anything can be done to remedy these issues?
Take a look at the "gender" clinics . . . are any, much less any significant number, based out of major university hospitals??? Or do they tend to operate with minimal funds in minimal facilities relying on minimally qualified practitioners??? Why don't they worry about malpractice . . . they have nothing to lose . . . because there is nothing to take . . . no one will waste time or money on a lawsuit!!!
Let's get down to brass tacks . . . Do you know of anyone in the world who can build a satisfactory functioning penis out of thin air? This is well beyond any medical technology that is available today.
LTC (Join to see)
How are you managing to bold print my name so it gets highlighted? I've tried doing that for you and others, since you get RP credit for it.
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Suspended Profile
LTC (Join to see). Type the "at sign" followed by the first. last, and/or both names of the person's name you wish to bold. This also notifies the targeted named person they were mentioned. Warmest Regards, Sandy
SSG Stacy Carter
SSG Richard Edwards, I agree with SFC Joseph Weber. Your comments are beyond belief. How can you sit there and judge a human being while claiming to believe in God. Judge not lest you be judged yourself.
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Who are we to judge? No one knows the struggles she had to go through and the pressure and fear she must have felt. At the end of the day she fought for this country and that should be what matter. No one is giving up their happiness for her why should she give her for anyone.
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This is never easy, and there's never a good time to 'come out' as transgender. It's a struggle to deal with it in our society, and pressures to conform to gender-based expectations (marry, have a family) are huge.
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SFC (Join to see)
I completely agree. Our society is based on acceptance and at this point in time this still a little Taboo.
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I have no opinion on when or how he should have came out. I have read many times here, "Touchy Subject"! Yet it should not be a society touchy subject, as it's a personal and family issue. Fact is, it's no one's business but the people involved ( individual, family, immediate family). However, TV/media and not just liberal, publicizes everything that we don't necessary like or agree with and make it an issue.
I do not believe someone chooses to be gay, lesbian, transgender. Do I like it, approve, disaprove....doesn't matter! Now if I had a son or daughter, grandson or granddaughter that came out one way or the other, then I would have to deal with the situation. What do the neighbors, or anyone else think of feel....I could care less as it no one's business but those of us involved.
I have known and know people who are ...I'll just say different. They are basically good people, I have been able to depend on them, trust them, visit them (vis versa) and yes, in the family. Some of us have delt with it, accepted it for how it is, not what it is. One of the parents has not been able to do so and the relationship is strained! Other than the mother, her life (and the partner she married) live a happy life, much happier than before they tried to keep it in the closet. Growing up together neither of us were aware. It was after we became adults and on our seperate paths in life, that she told me and of her mother's reaction. I told her, she has to let her mother be responsible for her own actions, no one else and to make the most out of her life by being happy. Stop worrying about those who think she is responsible to make them happy. That's what she's done, and finally her and her partner got married across the border from Niagara Falls a few years ago (after being together for over 20 yrs). Both are accomplished professionals in their field as well, own a home, accepted in their neigbhorhood, on the jobs. Enjoying a totally open life! More power and a big "high 5" to them.
Our society has become a society of judging others instead of "judge not, lest ye shall be judged" or as we were told as youngsters, learn to "mind your own damn business"! Do what makes you happy with your life!
I do not believe someone chooses to be gay, lesbian, transgender. Do I like it, approve, disaprove....doesn't matter! Now if I had a son or daughter, grandson or granddaughter that came out one way or the other, then I would have to deal with the situation. What do the neighbors, or anyone else think of feel....I could care less as it no one's business but those of us involved.
I have known and know people who are ...I'll just say different. They are basically good people, I have been able to depend on them, trust them, visit them (vis versa) and yes, in the family. Some of us have delt with it, accepted it for how it is, not what it is. One of the parents has not been able to do so and the relationship is strained! Other than the mother, her life (and the partner she married) live a happy life, much happier than before they tried to keep it in the closet. Growing up together neither of us were aware. It was after we became adults and on our seperate paths in life, that she told me and of her mother's reaction. I told her, she has to let her mother be responsible for her own actions, no one else and to make the most out of her life by being happy. Stop worrying about those who think she is responsible to make them happy. That's what she's done, and finally her and her partner got married across the border from Niagara Falls a few years ago (after being together for over 20 yrs). Both are accomplished professionals in their field as well, own a home, accepted in their neigbhorhood, on the jobs. Enjoying a totally open life! More power and a big "high 5" to them.
Our society has become a society of judging others instead of "judge not, lest ye shall be judged" or as we were told as youngsters, learn to "mind your own damn business"! Do what makes you happy with your life!
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PO1 (Join to see)
Well said there, 1SG. Just to reiterate, I'm not here to judge the man himself, but the choices he made through his life and where they've led him to this point.
Not to discount, EVERYONE of us has made some kind of decision which backfired on us. Being that HIS story of HIS decision making in life aired on CNN with HIS consent, I believe it's fair to voice our opinions, NOT judgments.
As previously stated, the choices he made cost him family. Bad enough he put them through torment of being constantly deployed while active duty, only to come out after completion of service? I'd probably end up in a psych ward would I've been in his wife's shoes.
Chris should've never gotten married if he knew who he really felt at heart. I still love him as a person and would do my best to act impartial should he ever need my help, but I still believe that getting married and having kids was a great miscalculation on his behalf
Not to discount, EVERYONE of us has made some kind of decision which backfired on us. Being that HIS story of HIS decision making in life aired on CNN with HIS consent, I believe it's fair to voice our opinions, NOT judgments.
As previously stated, the choices he made cost him family. Bad enough he put them through torment of being constantly deployed while active duty, only to come out after completion of service? I'd probably end up in a psych ward would I've been in his wife's shoes.
Chris should've never gotten married if he knew who he really felt at heart. I still love him as a person and would do my best to act impartial should he ever need my help, but I still believe that getting married and having kids was a great miscalculation on his behalf
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SPC (Join to see)
SHE may not have known for YEARS, other than an immense feeling of being off. If you have not walked in HER shoes, then you have no right to judge HER. Please use the correct pronouns when referring to a trans* person; to do otherwise is HIGHLY DISRESPECTFUL to the individual in question, and is behavior I find most unexpected in SENIOR ENLISTED PERSONNEL.
Aside from that: 1SG, your attitude is most refreshing. I wish I had had someone of the same mind as you in my first duty station; it would've saved me years of silent suffering.
Aside from that: 1SG, your attitude is most refreshing. I wish I had had someone of the same mind as you in my first duty station; it would've saved me years of silent suffering.
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1SG (Join to see)
SPC (Join to see); Thank you! I guess I'm so far back in the woods with all this "trans" business, I wouldn't (don't) know what the proper pronouns are or should be used. We're all human in my book of people. No disrespect intended! I hope your years of silent suffering are behind you. No one should have to go thru that, especially due to the ignorance of others!
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Gotta give the guy credit, he went to a place no Average man could even fathom and the elites that tried had failed. One of the toughest units in the armed forces and this person made it! Do I agree with what he is doing to him/herself? No!! He "manned up" ! He tried to live the life of man obviously with success for some time but, like some poster said in here, we all have our Demons. On a Lighter side, if I did not know she had been a man and certainly a Seal from DEVGRU, I dont think i would want to piss her off!!
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PO1 (Join to see)
That last sentence was well said! Think Marcus Luttrell from Lone Survivor when teens shot his dog. Bombs away!
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