23
23
0
I don't eat many bananas, but if I did, I would never do it in front of anyone.
Posted in these groups: 
Humor
Humor
Posted 11 y ago
Responses: 43
2
2
0
To give it a serious tone.... I call on Rudyard Kipling...
If—
By Rudyard Kipling
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!
If—
By Rudyard Kipling
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!
(2)
(0)
2
2
0
Never slowly suck on your fingers to get the BBQ sauce off from eating ribs.
(2)
(0)
2
2
0
Manrule# - Know how to change a tire. Make sure your kid knows how to change a tire.
(2)
(0)
1
1
0
No sharing entrees. If you want to try something, then frigging order it. Exceptions: survival situations such as a shipwreck or your unit is cut off and you are splitting MREs.
No naked conversations, ie locker room etiquette. Gutteral utterances are acceptable to maintain good order and discipline; save life limb and eyesight; de conflict bench space; and avoid collateral touching.
While in a locker room setting, minimize general nakedness. Maximize coverage. You are either in a towel, shorts, shower, or in direct transition to an acceptable clothed state. No pasty, saggy strolling.
Never surrender your ruck or weapon unless you are being Medevac'ed, no matter how much it sucks or how much it hurts.
As a large mammal, if I am wounded and evacuation will put my comrades at risk, I expect to be left with a frag and a bag of chips. I'll buy as much time for you as I can. Hoist one for me later, name a high school or a sandwich after me.
No naked conversations, ie locker room etiquette. Gutteral utterances are acceptable to maintain good order and discipline; save life limb and eyesight; de conflict bench space; and avoid collateral touching.
While in a locker room setting, minimize general nakedness. Maximize coverage. You are either in a towel, shorts, shower, or in direct transition to an acceptable clothed state. No pasty, saggy strolling.
Never surrender your ruck or weapon unless you are being Medevac'ed, no matter how much it sucks or how much it hurts.
As a large mammal, if I am wounded and evacuation will put my comrades at risk, I expect to be left with a frag and a bag of chips. I'll buy as much time for you as I can. Hoist one for me later, name a high school or a sandwich after me.
(1)
(0)
1
1
0
My guy friends violate these rules for fun. Big fans of the 'snuggle struggle'. Roflmao!
(1)
(0)
1
1
0
1
1
0
...and should never EVER lick their lips while the banana is approaching their mouth.
(1)
(0)
1
1
0
1
1
0
1
1
0
Manrule #78: You must wait at least 24 hours to give a guy a nut check after he gives you one.
(1)
(0)
Read This Next
Continue with Facebook 
Continue with Google