Posted on May 23, 2016
Military divorces are slightly higher than the average population. Why do you think this is so?
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All of the above, but I think an issue that isn't listed on here as well. The military does not really provide an opportunity for you to live with your significant other before making the big jump into marriage. It doesn't have to do as much with age, but maybe the quickness in which people get married. They get married because they are joining, PCSing, deploying, want to live together, and they will try to work out the details later. They are not afforded the time necessary to spend with their spouse getting to know them and often change without growing together due to different experiences and time apart.
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MSgt Jeff Bailey
True, but i'd say irrelevant. It's not the military's "job" to give you the opportunity to develop a relationship...that's our OWN jobs. WE choose to join knowing there will be separations. WE choose to marry (or not) as a way to mitigate some of the forced separations. My son has now joined the military and hopefully will not become a statistic himself. He and his longtime sweetheart are about to be married. Hoping that their going together for the better part of 8 yrs will have given them the "time" to get to know if they are right for each other.
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SSG Bethany Viglietta
MSgt Jeff Bailey - Actually it's totally relevant to the question at hand. They asked why we think military has a slightly higher rate of divorce than our civilian counterparts. No one said the military has to "give the opportunity", but I can assure you, that it is one of the reasons the divorce rate is higher among military members over our civilian counterparts.
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MSgt Jeff Bailey
SSG Bethany Viglietta - Seems to me what you describe is called the courting process. How we all chose to engage and "court" prospective spouses is entirely up to us. When we "choose" to enter the military, we know there well be long periods of forced separation. We then "choose" to marry to avoid the separation, or "choose" to deal with a long distance relationship, or "choose" to call it quits temporarily or permanently. This is my point, the choice is always up to us. Joining the service is hard on relationships to be sure, but joining itself is our choice, so we bring this on ourselves.
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MSgt John McGowan
SSG You are correct. I do believe the military cost me one marriage and about cost another. When I returned from a 41 month tour in Hawaii (tough duty) my wife expected sometwhere closer than where we actually ended up. I thought that would be it and I even went so far to tell her to stay home rather than go with me. You can't do a whole lot when you are picked by your job. You go where they send you. Wife do not always understand the systm the military uses to make assignments. Sometimes I don't either.
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LCpl Tad Cunningham
I disagree. I got married young. Still going, grandfather got married at 19 as a Marine. Still married. I think it's a lot of these young Marines and young soldiers marry the first female they can. They marry for their perception of love. Not actual love. You aren't shown love while being lower enlisted, and you're normally pretty far from your family, so you look for love wherever you can. You think you've found it, you get married, then you and your spouse both quickly realize that you don't actually love each other.
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MSG (Join to see)
some times you come home different, and all the understanding, and couselling cant help it, you grow apart until one says no more, my wife was the dream i've always had, young and vibrant, it was love at first sight for me, told a co worker thats the woman i'm going to marry, 1 yr latter we dated, 1 yr latter married 2004 , it was up and down but we made it work 2008 depolyed to iraq, was ambushed iraq may 2009, started my downward spiral, then end of july 2009 my eldest daughter killed in mva, i was 49 she was 35, pstsd, anger, and alcohol, she couldnt do it 2013 letf, good for her, i'm better now and we are frinds
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I definitely say all of it. Not being in a combat MOS I have never seen Combat but I can attest to Lack of Family Support and how hard Deployments are on a marriage. I know for a fact that if I were deployed half as much as some of the infantry guys I know, there is a good chance my wife would have left me. It is hard on her and our kids me being gone. If its not school, its the field, if its not the field, its deployment. I know some people are going to say that I have no room to talk and being that I am currently on my first deployment, I have not been out of country much, but my sons are already asking for me to get a new job. My wife is struggling to maintain a home with 4 boys there. I think it would have been easier if we had time to acclamate to the area and had time for us to make friends and get to know people. However, when you move 20 hours away from family and your spouse leaves 2 weeks after moving into your house, that can't be easy on any relationship let alone the kids that just had to move away from their friends, school, and family.
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All of the above. The OPTEMPO of many units keep troops either deployed or in the field preparing for a deployment. Without a strong marriage, that stress can tear families apart.
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I knew quite a few folks that simply got married for the extra money and to get out of the barracks. Sad fact is, those in the barracks were a "captive audience" when the last minute shit details came up.
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All of these can be a contributing factor, the one for me was not being able to confide in my wife due to security reasons, she couldn't get it through her head that I could not tell her everything I was doing or involved in.
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In my case, my first wife was adulterous SP5 Mark Kuzinski. I went into the hospital in May 1995 for a cardiac-catheterization and was served with a no-contact order for my wife and sons [aged 4 to 9 at that point]. I think she expected me to die. My father died in October of that year from a heart attack three years after a heart transplant. That wife divorced me in September 1996 and remained and divorced twice after that.
Thankfully after grieving properly after three years I was introduced to my current wife at church as a surprise which had been coordinated months before at a church conference in New Orleans. That another story. My wife stayed with me throughout my mitral valve surgery with complications at Walter Reed Army medical center throughout most of March 2003.
Thankfully after grieving properly after three years I was introduced to my current wife at church as a surprise which had been coordinated months before at a church conference in New Orleans. That another story. My wife stayed with me throughout my mitral valve surgery with complications at Walter Reed Army medical center throughout most of March 2003.
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SP5 Mark Kuzinski For some it can be a combination of all of the above in your survey. Deployments can put a strain in a marriage - my second wife turned to alcohol and that caused our divorce; lack of family support (depending the age of the military member and just being married - this can be a strain when trying to connect with lifer military members and their families - especially true for National Guard and Reserve units where family members can be states away from the home unit during a deployment; PTSD/TBI and severely disabled veteran's family can be virtually torn apart by the effects of PTSD/TBI/MST and severe debilitating injuries; and definitely the age of the marriage (the first I was married was 19 years ol and our first assignment was in Europe for three years) real eye opener for both. Then there are all the traditional reasons on top of these: Infidelity, abuse, bad temper, jealously, drug abuse, gambling problems, and the list goes on. Therefore, on top of the normal reasons for divorce we in the military have a those SP5 Mark Kuzinski mentioned in his survey on top if it! Just my opinion based on two failed marriages while serving 37 years in the military.
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SP5 Mark Kuzinski
Thank you COL Mikel J. Burroughs and I agree to all the comments that have been put out on this post. Yes there are so many reasons and I wanted to see what the RP members had to say and share with all of us. Thanks again.
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"all of the above" should be an option. I blame Jody..... ;)
I got married at 21, had 2 kids by 24. was TDY 6-7 months every year. No one bothered to tell us about any of the programs available to help young families. That said, we are going on year #32, so it is possible
I got married at 21, had 2 kids by 24. was TDY 6-7 months every year. No one bothered to tell us about any of the programs available to help young families. That said, we are going on year #32, so it is possible
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There are a number of things - maturity, supersymmetry via a disciplined individual and a anarchist individual (strippers and other wild child's looking for structure - military order looking to cut lose), deployment (mate isn't in love just infatuation), the illusion that military men and women are a good catch (career, money, benefits void of any negative behaviors like excessive drinking). However one could argue since the civilian population has 50% sucess rate - the military does better despite all the negative aspects associated with military service.
http://www.alternet.org/story/140007/ex-stripper_army_wife_talks_military_marriages,_war,_ptsd,_and_secret_shoe_phones
http://www.alternet.org/story/140007/ex-stripper_army_wife_talks_military_marriages,_war,_ptsd,_and_secret_shoe_phones
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