Posted on Jan 3, 2015
Scenario: You have a friend who's always lying about his/her deployment to look like a badass?
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Alright so heres the scenario: you have a friend who you've known for the past few years that you deployed with and you spend a lot of this time with this person since you both left the military. Everytime you both go somewhere, he/she brags to store employees, waitresses, anyone who will listen, about how they killed people, got blown up, etc when in reality, their deployment was QUITE the opposite and have no badges, medals as proof to show for it!? And then also blames PTSD for everything? Would you call your friend out and risk losing the friendship? Or would you let them continue to fabricate their story to let them feel like a badass and ignore it? I feel like this is offensive because you have soldiers who experienced things like this and now they have to live with things like PTSD for the rest of their lives. You have those who are truly affected by things like this, and then those that fake it and in this case, the friend who is faking it to feel like a badass overseas.
Deployment
PTSD
Fraud
Soldiers
What Would You Do
Posted >1 y ago
Responses: 25
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A few thoughts:
- BLUF: I would correct the friend in private the first time. If it happens again I would correct the friend in public. If the friendship is lost then so be it.
- Generally those who brag about deployments such as the original question either never deployed or saw nothing on their deployment. Those who did see/do things as the above generally do not brag about it in my experience.
- Reason why the above is important is that the fakers take away from those who actually did the things and using PTSD falsely takes away from those who actually have it.
- Lying about deployments can only be fixed one incident at a time unless/until Congress passes some sort of Stolen Valor law. Due to 1st Amendment issues I do not see this happening anytime soon.
- BLUF: I would correct the friend in private the first time. If it happens again I would correct the friend in public. If the friendship is lost then so be it.
- Generally those who brag about deployments such as the original question either never deployed or saw nothing on their deployment. Those who did see/do things as the above generally do not brag about it in my experience.
- Reason why the above is important is that the fakers take away from those who actually did the things and using PTSD falsely takes away from those who actually have it.
- Lying about deployments can only be fixed one incident at a time unless/until Congress passes some sort of Stolen Valor law. Due to 1st Amendment issues I do not see this happening anytime soon.
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CPT (Join to see)
It really reflects negatively on all of us. You never know when the person listening knows that it's all lies and if you stand there silently, it makes you a party to it. In another thread, I wrote about how a guy tried to pick me up in a bar with his phony Gulf War tale. Don't go along with that crap. There are also several threads here about PTSD and how civilians seem to believe every vet is a whack job. Your "friend" is a whack job, do not let him/her put that crap on all of us. It will be tough to confront him/her, but we are rooting for you!
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SGM Mikel Dawson
Same thing. Talk in private, then public if needed. If it's not you, sooner or later someone is going to hear him/her and call'em out in public. With so many deployed to so many places, it will happen. If we don't police ourselves, then we all pay the price.
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SGM Gregory Tarancon IV
Colonel Smallfield and others on this post provided some great advice. I agree with the passive aggressive approach initially. As a friend and peer your candid concern that your friends embellishment of combat experiences goes against all moral and ethical values should be enough to correct this unacceptable behavior.
If not, then at least you’re done your part by bringing it the attention of the individual. The next step would be to seek guidance from your first line supervisor. The final step would to report this behavior to your chain of command. This behavior is repulsive, inexcusable, unconscionable and must not be tolerated.
We are all duty bound to protect the integrity and values of the Army we serve. Sometimes doing the right thing means dealing with unpleasant situations like this. But, remember you’re not the person that decided to compromise there principles. Your friend made the poor choice though (his/her) actions to demonstrate disregard and disrespect for Army Values.
If not, then at least you’re done your part by bringing it the attention of the individual. The next step would be to seek guidance from your first line supervisor. The final step would to report this behavior to your chain of command. This behavior is repulsive, inexcusable, unconscionable and must not be tolerated.
We are all duty bound to protect the integrity and values of the Army we serve. Sometimes doing the right thing means dealing with unpleasant situations like this. But, remember you’re not the person that decided to compromise there principles. Your friend made the poor choice though (his/her) actions to demonstrate disregard and disrespect for Army Values.
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SFC William "Bill" Moore
COL Smallfield is correct. And realize, it is probably known within your circle of friends that you were deployed with this individual. If you do nothing and someone else calls them out, busting them as a fraud, you will be automatically implicated in the act since you were there, "in the shit", with them.
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I love the stories that are so full of crap that you can't stand the smell. "No sh!@! There I was.....being awarded the Legion of Honor as a Colonel 1st Class for ripping off Saddam's mustache in 2010 and bin Ladin's mustache in 2014"...........ummmm, what??!!
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MSG (Join to see)
This is me in a nutshell when I hear these "war stories". Like kindergarten story time.
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SPC Stephanie Oanes Before you call your friend out, suggest you bring it up conversationally, not sarcastically or in an accusing manner "why do you do this everywhere we go?" The intent is to get him/her to open up. If the conversation does get going, ask the open end questions that drives the conversation. After (hopefully) you heard it all, then would be the appropriate time for you to let him/her know that it does bother you and that you don't recall the events happening the way (or at all) as they tell it.
Their embellishing and reasoning may be a sign that they do need some help in dealing with what what they really delt with during the deployments you both were on together. Different things affect different people in different ways. Some can handle a lot and some can't handle much at all.
I had a Branch Chief (DA Civilian) (LTC retired) who when he walked into a room and heard someone talking about a past experience, he immediately tried to take it over with a version of how he had done it, something just like it, only better either as an MP and/or Civil Affairs Officer and/or as the night shift Ops Officer at CFIC Hqs or when he was a civilian before entering the Army. I finally went online and purchased a "Bullshit" Button that we placed on the conference table sitting in the middle of our office (3 of us worked in the office). Whenever one or all of us had heard enough, one of us would get up, press the button and it would loudly say "Bullshit". He finally caught on and cut it back a good bit, though he never completely stopped.
In your case, if their deployment tales bother you to the point of it adversely affecting the friendship and cause you to consider to end it, then you should let them know. They will be the one to decide if their grandstanding and desire to "impress" everyone with their embellished tales is more important then the relationship. Hopefully that's not the case.
If I were in your shoes and it was a friend as you state, then I would defintely call them out on it regardless of how they took it. Good luck!
Their embellishing and reasoning may be a sign that they do need some help in dealing with what what they really delt with during the deployments you both were on together. Different things affect different people in different ways. Some can handle a lot and some can't handle much at all.
I had a Branch Chief (DA Civilian) (LTC retired) who when he walked into a room and heard someone talking about a past experience, he immediately tried to take it over with a version of how he had done it, something just like it, only better either as an MP and/or Civil Affairs Officer and/or as the night shift Ops Officer at CFIC Hqs or when he was a civilian before entering the Army. I finally went online and purchased a "Bullshit" Button that we placed on the conference table sitting in the middle of our office (3 of us worked in the office). Whenever one or all of us had heard enough, one of us would get up, press the button and it would loudly say "Bullshit". He finally caught on and cut it back a good bit, though he never completely stopped.
In your case, if their deployment tales bother you to the point of it adversely affecting the friendship and cause you to consider to end it, then you should let them know. They will be the one to decide if their grandstanding and desire to "impress" everyone with their embellished tales is more important then the relationship. Hopefully that's not the case.
If I were in your shoes and it was a friend as you state, then I would defintely call them out on it regardless of how they took it. Good luck!
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