Posted on Jun 13, 2016
Take needs of the Army assignment or keep my daughter? What to choose.
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I am faced with going Needs of the Army, or get out. If I go NoA, I lose my daughter. If I get out, I may not be able to support her. The judge presiding over my custody case told me that the only way I will get custody of my daughter is to get stationed at Bragg. But in order to do that, I need Airborne School. I can only get it if I reenlist for it, but HRC Retention is not wanting to play ball. What would you do, RP? Because I don't want to lose my kid, but I also don't want to get out, only to risk not being able to get back in.
Family
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Children
Edited >1 y ago
Posted >1 y ago
Responses: 50
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The Army is temporary, your daughter is permanent. Take what you will from that.
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Cpl Mark Crabtree
This, being a father my kids have made more career choices for me than anything else. While I had careers I enjoyed time away from home made it hard to stay at those careers. The military career requires lots of times away from loved ones. It's hard to be the father you may want to be and the professional demanded on you.
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Seek out the Post Chaplain. They can possibly help or send you in the right direction. They are a wealth of information. I hope this helps SPC (Join to see)
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SPC (Join to see)
I asked. They said it's up to Retention, because they have to approve my Airborne School slot in order for me to get qualified for a position at Bragg.
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SPC Adam Avinger
SPC Italino - dont disregard NG status either. It may give you the time you need to fix what you need to fix and then get back at it... Still in is still in, if ya get me. Always AGR positions too, brohito.
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SFC (Join to see)
I agree with SPC Adam Avinger. The NG is a great place & you can keep your daughter. If they have slot, you can do AGR. NG recruiting is full time too.
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Have you requested and been denied a compassionate reassignment?
Hard to believe 18th Airborne Corps, or 82nd Div is not in need of an 11B
Hard to believe 18th Airborne Corps, or 82nd Div is not in need of an 11B
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SSG Roger Ayscue
Having spent most of my adult life as an 11B in the 82d Airborne, Specialist, this will be tough to pull off. Child care, if it is not live in or very very understanding might as well have her the entire time you are on DRF 1 or 9 and them again large package week and Intensified Training Cycle. Division is my home and will be till I die, but it will require a whole lot to make it as a single parent in the 82D Airborne Division.
I would ask God Squad 6 at Fort Jackson what he thinks.
I would ask God Squad 6 at Fort Jackson what he thinks.
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LTC Yinon Weiss
SPC (Join to see) - Since you want to go SF, have you applied for SFAS yet? That would take you to Bragg.
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SPC (Join to see)
LTC Yinon Weiss, I am looking into that currently. If I have to, that will be the path I take. I'm just concerned that I am not ready yet
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You need a better lawyer.
If the worst comes, I would rather be poor together with my child, than be rich without her.
Family first.
If the worst comes, I would rather be poor together with my child, than be rich without her.
Family first.
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SGM Erik Marquez
Great point, but only to a ...ahh..point..
Not rich and with daughter is fine....Rich is not needed, but enough $$$ to maintain a safe quality of life is essential.
That means a job..... without knowing a whole lot more... all I can say is... getting out means it's questionable if you can support your daughter in a safe quality of life, and staying in means less contact but the ability to provide for her..that has to be a consideration aS WELL...OR SHOULD BE.
Not rich and with daughter is fine....Rich is not needed, but enough $$$ to maintain a safe quality of life is essential.
That means a job..... without knowing a whole lot more... all I can say is... getting out means it's questionable if you can support your daughter in a safe quality of life, and staying in means less contact but the ability to provide for her..that has to be a consideration aS WELL...OR SHOULD BE.
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Service members civil relief act, I believe it is federally mandated that you will not loose custody of your child. If you move out of state you will need to set up a temporary custody arrangement for the duration that will allow for summer visitation etc. as the non primary and because you'd be going out of state. If you are currently primary it could possibly work out that you take the child and the other parent take summers etc. See your local JAG and put in a temporary stay in order to allow you time to move it to higher courts if need be.
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PO2 (Join to see)
That's exactly what to do. Once your considered a single parent you would need a family care plan.
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As an 11B you could look into NC National Guard positions. If your willing to changw MOS thew Reserves might allow you to serve in an AGR tour(Active Guard and Reserve) The first AGR tour can last up tp 5 years at your first posting. Like the advice of checking with the chaplain I'd look into that further as well.
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I am an HRC Branch Chief (CMF68) and would ask that you contact your assignments manager and explain the circumstances. Army Readiness comes first, then professional development, and then needs of the Family. You would be surprised that we (at HRC) are compassionate and oftentimes, can make all three of these happen. Please send me your concern (Matthew Konopa) on the Army Global and I will assist you if possible.
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SPC (Join to see) - Tough spot to be in, brother. But, I have to suggest considering your family first... and I am referring to your daughter. Please keep us posted. Hopefully, SGM Erik Marquez is onto a solution in his suggestion.
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I would not recommend reenlisting simply out of necessity. You should stay in the Army because you want to. I personally got out because it started conflicting with the time I got to spend with my little girls growing up. God, family and then job. There are a million services out there to help veterans find jobs, so I would not sweat being able to find employment on the outside. Why would you lose your daughter, if you don't mind me asking?
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PO1 (Join to see)
CW4 (Join to see) - True...I'm not trying to get too personal , just trying to get him to think outside the box. Not saying his ex-wife is like that or not like that. With the helping of thinking of a way that can help his situation and be presentable in court.
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CW4 (Join to see)
PO1 (Join to see) - Roger, I understand. I know we are all commenting to assist and maybe help this Soldier out. I was just commenting on your comment to help him think further, as we all are. No aggression intended. Sorry if it sounded that way.
I''m just sharing experience on my behalf, as I have been in charge of many many Soldiers throughout my career, and have seen many cases come up like this, situations like this, with my own troops. I don't want to get into all the details of the cases and situations I have dealt with, but I have sat in with many of my troops when going through custody battles, domestic issues, etc. etc. with the courts (primarily as a character reference and such)...and have seen this exact example used before.
My Soldier was concerned that the wife would "take off" as soon as all the divorce stuff settled. The court wouldn't even take that into consideration because there was no pattern of behavior there to back my Soldier's statement.
Just sharing a similar case is all...all GTG...hehe.
I''m just sharing experience on my behalf, as I have been in charge of many many Soldiers throughout my career, and have seen many cases come up like this, situations like this, with my own troops. I don't want to get into all the details of the cases and situations I have dealt with, but I have sat in with many of my troops when going through custody battles, domestic issues, etc. etc. with the courts (primarily as a character reference and such)...and have seen this exact example used before.
My Soldier was concerned that the wife would "take off" as soon as all the divorce stuff settled. The court wouldn't even take that into consideration because there was no pattern of behavior there to back my Soldier's statement.
Just sharing a similar case is all...all GTG...hehe.
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PO1 (Join to see)
CW4 (Join to see) - Wow.....I didn't know that. No, there wasn't any aggression at all, Sir; it's all good. I just needed to re-iterate to make my comment a bit clearer.
While it's a bit different, my nephew is currently going through a divorce. He's signed papers but the wife is sitting on them, trying to suck the money out of him and benefits. She now has a time frame to sign the papers before going to court which at that time, the court, I assume, would side with my nephew. I'm glad that they do not have any children or it may have turned out like this unfortunate soldier.
I just hope there's a light at the end of the tunnel.
While it's a bit different, my nephew is currently going through a divorce. He's signed papers but the wife is sitting on them, trying to suck the money out of him and benefits. She now has a time frame to sign the papers before going to court which at that time, the court, I assume, would side with my nephew. I'm glad that they do not have any children or it may have turned out like this unfortunate soldier.
I just hope there's a light at the end of the tunnel.
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SFC (Join to see)
Wow, you are in a tough spot, I've been through something similar. You will have to make a decision that will impact the present and future. If you have an opportunity to be awarded custody of your child, I would jump on that in a heart beat. As someone stated earlier, there are employers out there that are military friendly. Talk to a chaplain, explore all options to remain in the military if that is what you decide on, at the same token I would go to ACS start building a resume and explore Civilan Career options. Always have a plan A and B. Good luck brother, hope everything works out for you. It takes a lot of courage and maturity to have posted this.
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Non Airborne personnel go to Ft Bragg all the time and receive Airborne School after they arrive. Is your CSM involved and your Battalion Commander? Seems like an easy fix. A call to the 82nd G1 SGM could fix this as well. Your CSM and/or your 1SG can fix this if they are aware of the problem.
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COL (Join to see)
Getting airborne school in route to Ft Bragg or in conjunction with a PCS, HRC pays for it. Once on Ft Bragg the unit pays for it. Also remember the greatest need for Airborne trained personnel is Ft Bragg.
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