What are the best excuses you have heard for people not joining the military?

I think it's ridiculous that they give excuses. If it's not for them, it just isn't. Can they live a good life? Are they productive? If the answer is yes, there's nothing to give them a hard time about. I certainly think no less of them than I would someone who never deployed (or did, but never left the FOB) but won't miss an opportunity to flaunt their 'combat service'.

"I've got a pet ferret and a turtle to take care of, at home" -true story

I'm so tired of the "if I got yelled at I'd Yada Yada Yada" excuse. No you won't, so shut up.

My mother didn't allow me to join, I can't have someone yell in my face.

one I've heard a few times.......I wanted to join and even went to the recruiters once but I never went back

"If someone attacked us I'd join." Or "If we were in a real war I'd join. "

I should have, but I was not ready or family member did not want them to join.

I always get pissed off at the excuse i'm not joining because you can get killed. guess they should stop driving, drinking, drugs, eating junk food, working dangerous jobs and live in a bubble because god knows only military people die.

"I don't want to die." Since when did signing a service contract become a death wish? If it's your time to go, its your time to go. Serving or not.

I couldn't join the military, I couldn't take orders from someone....
Ok really? so...you couldn't work for anyone, at all, like EVER? *facepalm*