What are the best excuses you have heard for people not joining the military?

I hear a lot of health reasons, usually something about flat feet, even though I served with two VERY flat-footed soldiers. People have all sorts of reasons, but I mostly get fed up with the answers to questions I didn't ask. And always from males. They just can't seem to handle the idea that a female did something more badass than they did. I suppose it offends their fragile manhood.

I don't have any excuses for not being in military thanks to a SFC and a Warrant officer my 16.5 yrs and I was hoping to retire and get another job in which I work for the Boeing company in Everett Washington working at issuing out tools for 38.00 per hour.

That's a really interestingly phrased question, honest...seriously...lemme give that some thought, for real...sometimes, questions on here most definitely catch my eye, though I do perceive the humor in why you posed it, certainly...really very well phrased, once again, honest...

I am a civilian and i geuss that puts me in the questionable category of potential candidate, to say the least. . I do want to live for a purpose and if it takes a rude awakening then i geuss its time to rise and shine. Only i can limit my own potential be it via fear or complacency. only we can potentialy go through the stages of life life buck shot with a purpose.

"I have flat feet"

distant cousin on why he never joined: It's too hard and he didn't think he could hack it. 50 y/o and has spent his entire life hanging drywall. smh....

You see, this is the beauty about living in this great country. We have the choice to do or not do something and not have to defend our choice to another person. Why does it matter why they didn't join the military? Why are you all looking down on someone who didn't? They live in a time where they can choose to not join the military if they do not want to. I wouldn't want them serving next to me anyways if they didn't want to be there.

Well, what I've mainly heard is all the arguments folks put forward to stay in i.e. avoid a med board, involuntary separation etc.
I'm not opening up a partisan can here. Please bear with me. There have been and will be many examples cited of folks who never served in the armed forces who nonetheless have done great things for the nation in general or for veterans. [I'm thinking of folks who lease houses near bases or other installations]. Certainly firemen, EMS and electric utility linemen (linepersons?) step forward to do stuff the rest of us would reject doing.
So anywho..where was I. Oh yeah, the partisan thing.
I absolutely cain't stand any politician of any party stripe who wants to "talk tough" and faults this or any president for his decision to NOT intervene in (insert country or crisis here). Some of them are R guys. Example former Veep Dick Cheney, former Senator from my state Gramm, and the former Virginia Gov George Allen.
Now let me qualify this yet again. If someone was in his 20s during the Viet Nam years and he didn't serve then yet he's all gung ho for boots on the ground and bombs in the air TODAY I want his explanation why he didn't serve in the late 60s. Gramm said he had an MBA and knew they'd just stick him in an office somewhere. [Of course you have platoon leaders with advanced math or science degrees who chose/demanded combat arms as their branch]. So Phil could have easily requested a combat infantry job. Or been an aircraft maintenance guy at an air base in Japan like my Uncle.
Dick Cheney--yep former Veep, former SecDef and Wyoming congressman-- has always been up front about how he missed out on the trip to SE Asia. George Allen? His Daddy somehow got Georgie a job at a wild west dude ranch.
I was a translator/interpreter during Desert Storm who wound up tagging along with SF from Campbell's 5th SFgroup. After a good service break I wound up going to Iraq to be a nurse during 2 separate deployments. I will never boast or inflate facts if someone like one of my daughters ever asks "What did you do during the war, Daddy?"

As to the original question. I've heard folks say "I was gonna ship off to boot camp BUT.. (and as they say, it's usually a really big but) "they said I was on a wait list for this or that MOS, AFSC etc" "My recruiter wouldn't return any of my calls" "I had an old sports injury flair up and the MEPS docs rejected me.." "I smoked a doobie a few days before my MEPS physical.." "I got offered a really good job with the city sanitation dept so I took that instead.." "My then girlfriend said she'd dump me if I went off to Paris Island SC"

I won't allow anyone to yell at me and I can't run

I have a problem with authority and don't like to be told what to do. She ended up joining anyway!