What are the best excuses you have heard for people not joining the military?

I have been continually confused by the statement, "If Uncle Sam called I would definitely answer it" or "I would join if they needed me". As if "they" would be running out of any given MOS and start going door to door knocking and asking for volunteers.

Usually don't say anything, just grunt and nod.

I don't want to would suffice
But, the way that some of them think that that's not a good enough reason shows kind of a cult mentality. If there are life goals and aspirations you have that wouldn't be compatible or even permitted in the military, then that's a legitimate reason to abstain. You're not less of a person for having other aspirations.

And anything to do with "But, it'll pay for your college," shows that the people who join in those instances aren't actually interested in being in the military - they're interested in milking something and ignoring its core values, which is shameful and disparaging to people who go to the military to be an Armed Serviceman.
And these same people are more likely to have authoritarian personalities which lend themselves to also believing that socialism is bad (only because it deviates from the status quo's idea of what it good for the country . . . as authoritarians tend to simply comply with the status quo).
To break it down: The same people who are more likely to reject socialism are the ones joining the military simply to milk a very socialist system (paying for college in exchange for helping the government).

And not wanting to fight because you're a pacifist in also not a shameful reason. It's completely self-serving to espouse that to be an active member of society you have to fight for it. What if I want to remain here and change things about the country that I think are fucked up? That's being a particpatory citizen from the inside, while others are free to defend my ability to do that in the first place.
It's a two-way street. If everyone is off fighting and no one is addressing and advocating for the changes they want to see as conferred through our representatives in Congress, then it could get to a point where military is simply fighting for a country that's going down the drain and is no longer the country they vowed to serve and protect.

Dismissing any reason and saying "You're just scared, and that's why you're making excuses" is making way too many assumptions. Yeah, I'd be scared, but my other reasons supercede that (pacifism, wanting to educate myself and be a part of the participatory representative democracy that would even make me give a damn about the country in the first place, simply having other aspirations period).
Dismissing someone as scared is cowardly in and of itself - it means you're scared to understand other people's motives, and possibly scared also to examine your own. And yet these people espouse the importance of mental strength.

The worst comment I saw was that people who have reasons for not joining the military are "normals" and "They matter not." Then why the fuck are you fighting for their safety and freedom if you don't give a fuck about them?

I'm from Memphis, TN, so most of the responses I got were generic: "I'm waiting on this scholarship" or "I'm being recruited by this college" and "How much money you got in yo account?" Grammar as is. But the most absurd response which came from a majority of the people in my neighborhood was: "I don't need to join the Army to shoot a choppa! I don't need to go overseas to have a war! I can do that here for my HOOD!" My face------> (-_-) everytime!! Uuuuh ok dude.

This has been said: "Why? We're not at war."

Quit a few times too...

"I'd join if the pay was better than what I make right now." Said by my friend who currently makes over 50k a year, only a high school graduate, no kids, and 20 something yeas old. That was my favorite excuse.

I was having a conversation with a friend who is 21 about this.  She's in college and is an eventer (rides horses eventing and she also trains and breaks to saddle horses)  In talking about how my son Alex whom she knows well had gone into the Army to be an MP, she said she could never do that.  Going into the military.  It was too hard.  This from a 21 year old who gets bucked off a horse and gets right back on.  But its too hard....huh.

I was a recruiter around the 911 attacks. A month or so before I contacted a kid to try and set up an appointment with him. He told me not now. It the country was at war he would join. So, a month or so after the attacks I call him back.  "Mike, Sgt M with the Marines. Our country is at war. We need you. You ready to do this?" He replies "no I don't want this kinda war" Well Mike, what kinda war you waiting for?" At this point I just continued to play with his mind for a while. I have a half dozen other kids like that after the attacks