Posted on Oct 26, 2015
What are your thoughts on Soldier Suicide and the Military Culture?
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On October 9th 2015, I received a call from what I thought was my 24 year old daughter. Her name was on my cell phone. I answered with a “Hello sweetie how are you?” The reply was “Mr. Walters this is the Jacksonville Sheriff’s office (sudden panic), followed by, “your daughter is OK”, (slight relief). “We are with your daughter now at her boyfriend’s house and he’s committed suicide. Your daughter found his body.” I cannot begin to tell you the incredible range of emotions going through me at this point. The next 14 hours would be a whirlwind of activity. It began with explaining to my wife and my daughters siblings what had happened, putting in a DA 31 for emergency leave (God bless the NCO Corps for taking care of me), then driving from my duty station in Maryland down to Florida to be with my daughter.
During the 12 hour drive (plus two hours at a roadside rest stop to try and sleep) I had ample time to reflect on what had happened and what the probable causes were that had led this man to take his life and what the impact to the living would be. I also reflected on what responsibility, if any, those who knew him and worked with him had. My daughter’s boyfriend was a 34 year old Chief Petty Officer, Navy Rescue Diver, Instructor, and Evaluator with 14 years of Active service.
Joe (not his real name) had been an incredibly smart, dedicated fast mover in the Navy. Joe was in the process of a divorce when he met my daughter at her place of employment at a local retail store. I had met him this past summer when my daughter came up to visit. Being a 22 year active Army Aviation Soldier myself I found we had much in common. As I spoke with him I was impressed with all that he had done, though he did seem a bit unsure about his future. At the time I thought he was unsure about what direction his “military” future would take. Little did I know how turmoil his personal life was in and because of that how badly and how quickly his professional life would fall apart.
My daughter had for her part been smitten by this good looking, smart, dedicated, hunky Navy Rescue Diver who saved people. This guy appeared to be everything a hero should be. I have no doubt that is how everyone saw him and how he saw himself. But more importantly to this discussion I believe this is how the Navy and the squadron he worked with and his command saw him.
During the course of 10 days in Jacksonville I supported/comforted my daughter and began the arduous task of gathering her things from Joe’s house. An extra effort was made to sanitizing the house of his things; the things that he had that would do no one any good and only break hearts (drugs, paraphernalia, and other things no parent wants to see or know about). Every night I sat and listened to my daughter explain everything that had been going on in Joe’s life during the past year. As stated earlier Joe was going through a divorce. He had become a gym rat and that had led to him injecting steroids to bulk up. Shortly after the breakup of his soon to be former wife he also began to take prescription depression medication that wasn’t prescribed for him. Joe began to surround himself with people who believed in better living through pharmacology without the need of licensed medical support. Joe was also finically strapped, flat broke, soon to declare bankruptcy.
Now if you have been in the military for more than a day you already know where this story is going. Somewhere along the way Joe lost sight of what is right. The longer he continued down this path of self-destructive behavior the harder it became to choose the hard right over the easy wrong. One day he got the call…”you have one hour to report for urinalysis testing”. No heads up from anyone in his group, no advance notice (I am sure as an E-7 he often knew when testing was scheduled), just get here now. He reported and submitted his sample. Days later he was called into his commanders’ office. Joe had come up hot for amphetamines.
If you’re still reading this you already know what happened. Two weeks went by and they tested him again. Joe came up hot again, this time for THC (cannabis). Joe was done. On his way out of the Navy. Joe had gone from hero to zero in a matter of weeks. Gone was 14 years of hard work. Gone was the E-7 base pay, flight pay, other special pays, and benefits. The only question left was what kind of discharge he would receive on his way down the gang way off the ship for the last time. Would he receive an Other than Honorable or a Dishonorable discharge? In either case his life as he had known it was over. He would have to start all over again with the weight of dishonor hanging like a millstone around his neck. Joe chose a permanent solution for what would otherwise be a temporary problem. He took one of the two nine mm hand guns he owned, chambered a hollow point round and put an end to his dilemma.
In the aftermath of this action many questions are asked. Sadly there are seldom any good answers. What we have to ask ourselves is how many Joe’s do we know? Does working closely make it more difficult to see any signs of what is self-destructive behaviors? Is our military culture complicit in how we see those around us and does it form how we treat those who yesterday were our brothers? What do commanders and leaders do with their feelings of betrayal? Do we take it personally when the truth of a person’s life comes out and it is not pretty, not honorable? Does Joe deserve less consideration, empathy and understanding for his situation then a Soldier who suffers from PTSD?
We need our hero’s to be perfect, honorable. It is a long way up on that pedestal, and a long way to fall.
My daughter continues to recover day by day with the help of her mother and I. She has a heart as big as the world, but it will be a long time before she doesn’t see brains and blood scattered across the room in her dreams.
During the 12 hour drive (plus two hours at a roadside rest stop to try and sleep) I had ample time to reflect on what had happened and what the probable causes were that had led this man to take his life and what the impact to the living would be. I also reflected on what responsibility, if any, those who knew him and worked with him had. My daughter’s boyfriend was a 34 year old Chief Petty Officer, Navy Rescue Diver, Instructor, and Evaluator with 14 years of Active service.
Joe (not his real name) had been an incredibly smart, dedicated fast mover in the Navy. Joe was in the process of a divorce when he met my daughter at her place of employment at a local retail store. I had met him this past summer when my daughter came up to visit. Being a 22 year active Army Aviation Soldier myself I found we had much in common. As I spoke with him I was impressed with all that he had done, though he did seem a bit unsure about his future. At the time I thought he was unsure about what direction his “military” future would take. Little did I know how turmoil his personal life was in and because of that how badly and how quickly his professional life would fall apart.
My daughter had for her part been smitten by this good looking, smart, dedicated, hunky Navy Rescue Diver who saved people. This guy appeared to be everything a hero should be. I have no doubt that is how everyone saw him and how he saw himself. But more importantly to this discussion I believe this is how the Navy and the squadron he worked with and his command saw him.
During the course of 10 days in Jacksonville I supported/comforted my daughter and began the arduous task of gathering her things from Joe’s house. An extra effort was made to sanitizing the house of his things; the things that he had that would do no one any good and only break hearts (drugs, paraphernalia, and other things no parent wants to see or know about). Every night I sat and listened to my daughter explain everything that had been going on in Joe’s life during the past year. As stated earlier Joe was going through a divorce. He had become a gym rat and that had led to him injecting steroids to bulk up. Shortly after the breakup of his soon to be former wife he also began to take prescription depression medication that wasn’t prescribed for him. Joe began to surround himself with people who believed in better living through pharmacology without the need of licensed medical support. Joe was also finically strapped, flat broke, soon to declare bankruptcy.
Now if you have been in the military for more than a day you already know where this story is going. Somewhere along the way Joe lost sight of what is right. The longer he continued down this path of self-destructive behavior the harder it became to choose the hard right over the easy wrong. One day he got the call…”you have one hour to report for urinalysis testing”. No heads up from anyone in his group, no advance notice (I am sure as an E-7 he often knew when testing was scheduled), just get here now. He reported and submitted his sample. Days later he was called into his commanders’ office. Joe had come up hot for amphetamines.
If you’re still reading this you already know what happened. Two weeks went by and they tested him again. Joe came up hot again, this time for THC (cannabis). Joe was done. On his way out of the Navy. Joe had gone from hero to zero in a matter of weeks. Gone was 14 years of hard work. Gone was the E-7 base pay, flight pay, other special pays, and benefits. The only question left was what kind of discharge he would receive on his way down the gang way off the ship for the last time. Would he receive an Other than Honorable or a Dishonorable discharge? In either case his life as he had known it was over. He would have to start all over again with the weight of dishonor hanging like a millstone around his neck. Joe chose a permanent solution for what would otherwise be a temporary problem. He took one of the two nine mm hand guns he owned, chambered a hollow point round and put an end to his dilemma.
In the aftermath of this action many questions are asked. Sadly there are seldom any good answers. What we have to ask ourselves is how many Joe’s do we know? Does working closely make it more difficult to see any signs of what is self-destructive behaviors? Is our military culture complicit in how we see those around us and does it form how we treat those who yesterday were our brothers? What do commanders and leaders do with their feelings of betrayal? Do we take it personally when the truth of a person’s life comes out and it is not pretty, not honorable? Does Joe deserve less consideration, empathy and understanding for his situation then a Soldier who suffers from PTSD?
We need our hero’s to be perfect, honorable. It is a long way up on that pedestal, and a long way to fall.
My daughter continues to recover day by day with the help of her mother and I. She has a heart as big as the world, but it will be a long time before she doesn’t see brains and blood scattered across the room in her dreams.
Culture
Leadership
Suicide
Posted 9 y ago
Responses: 16
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Damn, that is terrible and unfortunately CW4 (Join to see), there are many Joe's in our formations. Our challenge is to find them, whether in or out of the service.
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As much as I feel for this man and those he left behind, I don't believe the military is to blame for the way he ended up; quite the contrary in fact, the military was his primary area of accomplishment and respect from those around him.
His problems came from being torn up over his divorce; the drugs he used only made a bad situation worse. This can and does happen to civilians just as easily, and it leads to the same destruction of careers and lives.
Absent the drugs, this situation would have been weathered in time, no matter how difficult it was at the time. He had already begun to pull out of the primary cause of his problems through his relationship with your daughter.
This is a story about the horrific result of turning to drugs to deal with the problems everyone faces in life.
There is a reason it is called dope.
His problems came from being torn up over his divorce; the drugs he used only made a bad situation worse. This can and does happen to civilians just as easily, and it leads to the same destruction of careers and lives.
Absent the drugs, this situation would have been weathered in time, no matter how difficult it was at the time. He had already begun to pull out of the primary cause of his problems through his relationship with your daughter.
This is a story about the horrific result of turning to drugs to deal with the problems everyone faces in life.
There is a reason it is called dope.
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SSG (Join to see)
Sir, I am sure that drug use in America is just as bad today as it has ever been, and as an nco I get frustrated when I see or hear about a good soldier slip into drugs. The first people blamed are the first line leaders like we are with the soldier at all times to include leave holidays and weekends. When I ask about the climate control surveys I do it for a reason, and that is because the people who are the quickest to point fingers at nco a are junior officers. I am not saying all lieutenants ands captains are the cause of the problems either, at some level soldier are ultimately responsible foe their actions. We have to face the fact that whether we like it or not we as leaders need to pmcs ourselves because when a young soldier kills themselves most of the time it is drug pr alcohol related and we as leaders need to be cogniswnt that our actions or inacrions can get twisted into a reason a soldier abuses drugs or alcohol.
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MCPO Roger Collins
Thank you, Capt. Seid Waddell. IMV, it is a selfish act by one that takes this way out and quitting the fight we all fight one way or another during our lifetimes. The families and friends suffer for the bad decisions during your life and get left to mourn when you take this way out. I seriously, doubt that when things get really tense during a combat situation, no one thinks that is the thing to do. Admiral Mike Boorda comes to mind when I read these things. This isn't so much a military thing as a cultural failing by our society. All lives matter, that is what we should be saying. Legal assisted suicide, abortion, looking at ways to limit the medical facilities to the elderly because they have little lives to live, murder in the streets. This is why it is so much more acceptable as a means to an end. All that being said, I do wonder why the rate is so much higher with the female element of the military. There is a bill in Congress looking into that as I understand from the CBO reports.
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Capt Seid Waddell
MCPO Roger Collins, I would imagine that SHARP has a role in high female military suicides. With Admiral Mike Boorda, it appears to be a case of "Death before dishonor".
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Chief, first and foremost my condolences and prayers for you and your daughter. Suicide is the great unspoken and frequently unaddressed issue in military and law enforcement circles. Both are macho careers where feelings are seen as weakness and when one seeks to speak to a peer of something that bothers them they are ridiculed even though the others are bothered by the same thing because to address the issue means one must face the demon. I have had several friends that have "eaten their gun" metaphorically and in reality. We do not stress trauma debriefing enough pretty and post missions. Drug and alcohol abuse run rampant throughout the military and civilian world's in high stress positions as we do not wish to be seen as weak or wimpy. We have made improvement but have a way to go.
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