Posted on Feb 13, 2014
What is the most awkward or funny moment you have had in the service?
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What is the most awkward or funny thing that happened to you while you have been in the service?
Well, I have had a few. Three of which were being bitten by Aircraft. I hit a drain tube on the bottom of B-52, took an F-16 panel to the temple. But the one that knocked me out was hitting the gun door panel on an F-15C. That laid me out. A bunch of Crew Chiefs were witnesses.
But one that can be funny but also get mad at (those that know about clearing a room), was when I was working on an EF-111 over in Saudi Arabia at PSAB (Jail) AB.
I was working in the Wheel Well of an EF-111, putting back together the Water Tank which is used for Air Conditioning. Behind me working on the main gear was a Crew Chief, who was nicknamed "Hydrazine Jim." Here I am minding my own business when all of a sudden a strong, Very Strong stench hits my nose. I was out of that wheel well so fast, missing the Kidney panels, it must have been a new world record. "Hydrazine Jim" Was laughing his A** off looking at me. To say I was pissed is an understatement. It took several mins for the area to air out.
Suffice it to say, I now knew why he was nicknamed "Hydrazine Jim."
Now what are some of your funny or awkward stories?
Well, I have had a few. Three of which were being bitten by Aircraft. I hit a drain tube on the bottom of B-52, took an F-16 panel to the temple. But the one that knocked me out was hitting the gun door panel on an F-15C. That laid me out. A bunch of Crew Chiefs were witnesses.
But one that can be funny but also get mad at (those that know about clearing a room), was when I was working on an EF-111 over in Saudi Arabia at PSAB (Jail) AB.
I was working in the Wheel Well of an EF-111, putting back together the Water Tank which is used for Air Conditioning. Behind me working on the main gear was a Crew Chief, who was nicknamed "Hydrazine Jim." Here I am minding my own business when all of a sudden a strong, Very Strong stench hits my nose. I was out of that wheel well so fast, missing the Kidney panels, it must have been a new world record. "Hydrazine Jim" Was laughing his A** off looking at me. To say I was pissed is an understatement. It took several mins for the area to air out.
Suffice it to say, I now knew why he was nicknamed "Hydrazine Jim."
Now what are some of your funny or awkward stories?
Humor
Service
Posted 12 y ago
Responses: 18
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I think the most awkward event I took part in was after AIT in the summer of '98. (While the overall ordeal actually lasted close to a month, I'll just give a highlight.)
Before Basic, I was delayed a month, and had to change MOS, basic training station, and maybe some other things I no longer recall. In any case, BCT and AIT go off pretty smooth and quiet, but out processing AIT I get a curve ball. Six or eight of us had to clear dental before we could finish processing, and upon return I found an amendment to my orders: Dhahran, SA. For those unfamiliar, that's Saudi Arabia, straight from AIT...
Well, skip over a couple weeks of leave and other detours and delays, I get in country and find out that Dhahran is closing, so off to Escan (sp?) Village outside Riyadh. Pretty much as I arrive we went to ThreatCON D, as it was approaching Anniversary 2 of the Khobar Towers bombing, and there'd apparently been some chatter. Great, I've got DCU's and an SRK (see Cold Steel's site).
Mid way through my 13 days in town, then-V-Vorps commander, LTG Hendrix (memory fails at the moment, but I believe it was him) stopped in, and the unit I was assigned to was having breakfast with him. Lowliest of personnel, I was plucked out of the serving line by the unit CSM and volun-told to sit at the horseshoe of tables - with only a SPC between the LTG and myself. Now, all would be generally well and good, however, due to my out-of-nowhere appearance, I was not allowed to have any uniform adornments attached to my DCU's, save for my E-2 rank.
Partway through breakfast, the LTG turns his attention to me, and asks (to the affect of), "And what about you, Private... ... ..?" "Eastling, Sir." And at the far end of the tables, unit leadership takes over the conversation... Yeah... LTG meets Mr. Mosquito-wings... The rest of breakfast I think I tuned out (or blacked out...?) completely, as I no longer recall any details.
July 4 I left country to continue what would become something of a quest to find my first duty station; but that's another story...
Before Basic, I was delayed a month, and had to change MOS, basic training station, and maybe some other things I no longer recall. In any case, BCT and AIT go off pretty smooth and quiet, but out processing AIT I get a curve ball. Six or eight of us had to clear dental before we could finish processing, and upon return I found an amendment to my orders: Dhahran, SA. For those unfamiliar, that's Saudi Arabia, straight from AIT...
Well, skip over a couple weeks of leave and other detours and delays, I get in country and find out that Dhahran is closing, so off to Escan (sp?) Village outside Riyadh. Pretty much as I arrive we went to ThreatCON D, as it was approaching Anniversary 2 of the Khobar Towers bombing, and there'd apparently been some chatter. Great, I've got DCU's and an SRK (see Cold Steel's site).
Mid way through my 13 days in town, then-V-Vorps commander, LTG Hendrix (memory fails at the moment, but I believe it was him) stopped in, and the unit I was assigned to was having breakfast with him. Lowliest of personnel, I was plucked out of the serving line by the unit CSM and volun-told to sit at the horseshoe of tables - with only a SPC between the LTG and myself. Now, all would be generally well and good, however, due to my out-of-nowhere appearance, I was not allowed to have any uniform adornments attached to my DCU's, save for my E-2 rank.
Partway through breakfast, the LTG turns his attention to me, and asks (to the affect of), "And what about you, Private... ... ..?" "Eastling, Sir." And at the far end of the tables, unit leadership takes over the conversation... Yeah... LTG meets Mr. Mosquito-wings... The rest of breakfast I think I tuned out (or blacked out...?) completely, as I no longer recall any details.
July 4 I left country to continue what would become something of a quest to find my first duty station; but that's another story...
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Late in my AMEDD BOLC we were required to do a night maneuver and land nav. My eyesight is not the greatest, I'm not blind but without glasses but things are pretty fuzzy especially in the dark. Anyway - my squad was told to move out, we were trying to get to the next point in the exercise SO I'm running with all my gear, my glasses fall off somehow ... and I run as hard as I can right into a huge oak tree. I'm told I was out cod for about 8 minutes but I'll never live that down.
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Okay, this one just happened today. My unit has been working lately to get many vehicles ready for turn in. The NCO in charge of tracking all the vehicles told the XO this morning that a vehicle from our sister BN keeps getting placed in our line, and he keeps having Soldiers place it back on their line. Apparently, this has been going on for the last couple weeks. The bumper number on the vehicle states it belong to the other BN. I told the NCO to get the serial and registration number to the vehicle and we'll double check in LOGSA as to whom the vehicle really belongs to. He said "It'll really suck if it's ours."
He comes to me at 1400 hours with the SN/RN. When I look it up, I discover it DOES in fact belong to one of our companies. The NCO was like "Damn!!!" and we both laughed.
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As a MP in the 90’s we used to play fuck fuck games to pass the time when manning the gates. One game in particular was who could score the highest DOD decal. Back then you were required to have them permanently affixed to your vehicle so the highest anyone scored was a full COL. insert PVT Dumbass(me), and I’m on shift and playing the game. Had a female come in the gate at Ft. McNair. I stopped her, looked at her Id and asked where was her decal, so she popped it up and it had FOUR stars....PVT Dumbass saw this as him taking the crown with the highest decal EVER. Soo I politely use my impressive interpersonal skills to inform this female that she was in violation of reg whatever and she had to surrender her placard. WHY did I do that? She slapped that car in park, proceeded to get on a cellphone and I’m standing there not flexing one bit. I was gonna be King!! Well what I didn’t know was this wasn’t the average spouse. Her last name was Borda. Didn’t mean shit to me then. She was wrong I was right, and within 30 minutes my life was about to suck. Her husband if memory serves was the CNO, his staff called the MDW Commander who made some calls of his own...to the provost marshals office on Mc Nair. Those calls ended with the Ops SGT, my team leader, my PSG, the 1SG and my company commander having a talk with me about how to ‘overlook’ certain things. A GO does not have to permanently mount their decal like everyone else (PVT Dumbass didn’t know that. It wasn’t in the regs). If the weight of the world could’ve come down ANY harder I wouldn’t have noticed. ADM Boordas wife lit my ass up royally, his SNCOs lit my ass up precisely, and everyone just laughed at me that was working the shift. To make it worse, I had to give it back and apologize. After that
ADM Boorda killed him self over folks questioning a ribbon. A ribbon he was actually entitled to. This incident showed how ‘high’ one could get just to come down crashing hard, and to read about his death later on makes it even more shitty. You never know who is going to chew your ass, and from experience the spouses are the worst.
ADM Boorda killed him self over folks questioning a ribbon. A ribbon he was actually entitled to. This incident showed how ‘high’ one could get just to come down crashing hard, and to read about his death later on makes it even more shitty. You never know who is going to chew your ass, and from experience the spouses are the worst.
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I have had a lot... more crazy than the moment I am going to mention but since this one was with my now wife it wins by default because it could have gone the WRONG way very fast as we hadn't been dating that long and it relates with me serving.
My wife's maternal grandmother is a holocaust survivor and my wife invited me to listen to her grandma speak about her experiences at their synagogue for an event. I'm Catholic (lapsed) and my wife is Jewish, and I have a German last name and my wife later took it when we got married. At the time this happened we had been dating for a little while, less than six months maybe? This is the second time I met her grandmother. Well I go, and she asks me about serving in the military and I briefly tell her. I tell her my father served and so did my grandfather, and that he fought in World War II. Well, she asks if he served in the German Army. I tell her no he served in the American Army. I call her later that night and ask: Does your grandma know he was in the American Army, right? She laughs and says yes.
I found out around that time my wife's grandmothers brother (uncle) was holocaust survivor also, and later joined the US Army, served in Vietnam and made a career of it and retired after 20+ years. He passed away shortly after that moment. RIP
My wife's maternal grandmother is a holocaust survivor and my wife invited me to listen to her grandma speak about her experiences at their synagogue for an event. I'm Catholic (lapsed) and my wife is Jewish, and I have a German last name and my wife later took it when we got married. At the time this happened we had been dating for a little while, less than six months maybe? This is the second time I met her grandmother. Well I go, and she asks me about serving in the military and I briefly tell her. I tell her my father served and so did my grandfather, and that he fought in World War II. Well, she asks if he served in the German Army. I tell her no he served in the American Army. I call her later that night and ask: Does your grandma know he was in the American Army, right? She laughs and says yes.
I found out around that time my wife's grandmothers brother (uncle) was holocaust survivor also, and later joined the US Army, served in Vietnam and made a career of it and retired after 20+ years. He passed away shortly after that moment. RIP
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On a ship in the yards in Croatia. CO is Catholic. I'm a Reservist. Working on Easter Sunday Divine Services, for the better part of the morning. XO comes by, knocks on my office, and says, "Hey Chaps, there's a CO's Mast at 0930 in the XXX room". That's Captain's Mast, NJP. We don't really do those in the Reserves, at least not the unit I was in. So I'd never heard "CO's Mast", always "Captain's Mast". Working on Divine Service, knowing the CO was Catholic, I heard "Captain's MASS".
Thought it was kinda odd, him having a Mass on board without calling me to set it up, but, whatever. He's the CO, I'm just a reservist. 0930, aye.
I show up about 15 minutes early, with my Bible, ready to go. OPS comes by, "Hey, Chaps, you here for the punishment?"
Me: "Uh, no sir. There's a Mass here in a few minutes."
OPS: "Well...we have an NJP at 0930."
Me: "Huh.....that's when the Mass is."
OPS: "Well, we were expecting you. Go grab your cover anyway, maybe your thing will start afterwards."
So I go run, grab my cover, get back in plenty of time for the Captain's Mast. One of the Chiefs, "Hey, Chaps....what you got your Bible for?"
Me: "Oh, there's a Mass in a little bit. Just getting ready."
Chief: "Did you say 'Mass' or 'Mast'?"
Me: "I said 'Mass'...……..oh. Ohhhhh. Mast, not Mass."
Chief: "Chaps bringing a Bible to Captain's Mast. I was thinking it was gonna get real serious!"
Yeah, that got a few jokes the next day.
Thought it was kinda odd, him having a Mass on board without calling me to set it up, but, whatever. He's the CO, I'm just a reservist. 0930, aye.
I show up about 15 minutes early, with my Bible, ready to go. OPS comes by, "Hey, Chaps, you here for the punishment?"
Me: "Uh, no sir. There's a Mass here in a few minutes."
OPS: "Well...we have an NJP at 0930."
Me: "Huh.....that's when the Mass is."
OPS: "Well, we were expecting you. Go grab your cover anyway, maybe your thing will start afterwards."
So I go run, grab my cover, get back in plenty of time for the Captain's Mast. One of the Chiefs, "Hey, Chaps....what you got your Bible for?"
Me: "Oh, there's a Mass in a little bit. Just getting ready."
Chief: "Did you say 'Mass' or 'Mast'?"
Me: "I said 'Mass'...……..oh. Ohhhhh. Mast, not Mass."
Chief: "Chaps bringing a Bible to Captain's Mast. I was thinking it was gonna get real serious!"
Yeah, that got a few jokes the next day.
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Being intoroduced my brand new Company Commander’s wife at a dining in, one week after she gave a friend of mine a blow job in the front seat of my truck. We had been out clubbing and the two of them hooked up.
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When we invaded Iraq in 2003, I was 1SG of a Free Iraqi Forces detachment. I was in a convoy around the Talil Airfield area and we stopped for a long halt. My bowels started rumbling and I had to take a shit. I told the driver of the Hummer I was in my predicament and not to leave under any circumstances. Next I grabbed my trusty ammunition box so that I could sit somewhat comfortably take my shit. My trousers and chem suit were dropped, rifle across my lap and I was at my happy place. Well, have you ever felt a pair of eyes looking at you? Looking over my shoulder there were four pair of children’s eyes intently staring at me shit. It was then that I noticed the hut. In short order, an Iraqi man came out and started yelling at the children, in an animated fashion. His hands were in the air and he gave me one of those if looks could kill stares. It occurred to me right then and there, not only had we invaded his country, upsetting life as he knew it, but I had just taken a steaming, stinking shit in his front yard.
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