What's the craziest thing you've seen in the barracks?

1. A full bar - I'm talking 30+ bottles of different liquor.
2. More trash than you'd find in a dumpster, roaches, and a moldy unmade bed.
3. Two dudes "doing it" - *This was one of the most awkward things I've experienced in my career.*

Fire resulting from a Soldier's DIY meth lab explosion, and of course it had to happen while I was on Company CQ.

Pvt put icyhot gel on all the latrine toilets in the company area.

While stationed at Camp Pendleton went back to barracks after the Marine Corps Ball. I was going to my room and noticed a line forming outside a room. I walked past and looked in to see a female Marine getting a train ran on her. I later heard the 50 + guys stopped by her room that night.

HM2 had to take that girl to his room (Det in PI from Japan Deployment). We told him to stop drinking and making out. When he slipped his hand under her skirt....? The look on his face.... {Insert voice of Gabriel Iglesias here}... OH, PRICELESS!

04:00 AM I was CQ runner, mopping the mail room floor in Germany. AN old tyme NCO came it drunk, threw his guts up on the fresh mopped and waxed floor. I just rolled a mop and bucket over to him and told him to mop that shit up when he was sober as I was not his mother. A few hours later waiting for the 1St Sgt. we were BSing around. THe new guys walks up and calls the company to attention. Yes you guess it the drunk old NCO was out new 1st. He told the company I had brass telling him to clean his shit up. We became good friends later.

To many to choose from. IN Thailand we were all sleeping in an open barracks on cots. DRUNK guy gets up to piss but can't find the bathroom so he grabs a sock off a clothesline. He proceed to piss in said sock and whip the guy sleeping next to him in the face with the piss sock.

There was a lot, but here are two of the funniest ones: I was on Charge of Quarters in Ansbach Germany making my rounds when I came across our medic's barracks room door wide open and what sounded like a porn on full blast. There were several guys standing around in the hallway listening in and walking by to look in. I went to the door and announced myself, went in, and there was Doc in full congress with a German Porn actress. They were watching and re-enacting one of her movies. All I could do was say, good job doc and closed the door on my way out.

About a year later I was S.O.G. on Friday night at out Near I.R.P. when one of the NCOs came up to the main gate around 10 P.M. with one of his female PFCs. They were supposedly going up to the Ready Building to get the Privates LBE and Kevlar. about 30 Minutes later the same medic from my first story came back in from roaming patrol and said he had something to show me. He took me up to the ready building and I saw the light in the Commanders office was on. Went up to the window and saw the NCO and his PFC banging away on the Captains bunk. We went back to the guard shack and about 30 minutes later they came back to the guard shack to be let out. The PFC had a Protective mask in her hand. (At least she tried to make it look official).

I was on duty for my BN on a friday, needless to say nothing good ever happens on friday night duty. So i am about to write in the log book, when all of a sudden I hear a noise. So i get up to go look, and the loudest bang went off down the corridor. Now my barracks were a open building style so the quad was visible from all angles. A test grenade was flung from one room to another. I went down to investigate. Nope never happened because as soon as I left my duty room a war started. The biggest god damn nerf war you ever seen. However most of the ammunition was on fire. See they setup the projectile weapons like the move Aliens with Ripley mounting the flame thrower onto the pulse rifle. They mounted small butane lighters onto the end of their weapons and soaked all the darts in 120 proof vodka. It was a firefight for the ages. I was so pissed that I didnt have my phone on me. It was freaking glorious. Three people were lit on fire and they ran away like a damn stunt gone wrong. But they put most of them out with a bucket of water that someone said might be a good idea. Thank god someone did an ORM before this.

In tech training I was a bay chief for our section of the dorms and we had one of our door guards playing on his phone in our hallway on the third floor. I noticed it when I went to check accountability on all my guys and told him he best put that shit up. Apparently he'd taken a phone call about 5 minutes previously right next to the window and an MTL saw him with his phone. The MTL walked up to our floor took his shoes off and stuck up behind him and said "Hey." The poor idiot jumped and turned around right as the MTL shot him in the face with a nerf gun and screamed in his face "You're dead Airman, Hit the floor dead Airman." Guy did as he was told and the MTL called me over and said "Bay Chief, did you just see a ghost?" I replied that I did and the MTL asked me to go get a sheet for him. From that point on the guy had doorguard every Friday night and had to wear a sheet with holes cut out for eyes when on door guard duty. He also appropriately got nick'd as Casper the poor Airman.