What's the craziest thing you've seen in the barracks?

Had a crazy PFC drunk when I was on CQ one night. He was attempting to get candy from a machine and got ripped off. He proceeded to throw the candy machine down a flight of stairs. Walked down and retrieved his single candy bar. As the ACQ was detaining him while I called the MPs he broke free and grabbed two fire extinguishers. He held us at bay with them until the MPs arrived. He then discharged one of them on the MPs until they subdued him.

In basic, We staged a fight with blanks from the range. Miller pretended to shoot another guy with catchup for blood. Only we three knew about the prank. Everyone else was freaking out. It was beautifully pulled off and was worth the 10 days of extra duty, PT KP GREASE PIT etc. I still laugh about it. That was 1970 at Fort Dix, new Jersey

So, at basic we had a sleep walker that nobody wanted to blue falcon because he's actually a decent guy. Well one night he gets up in the middle of the night and walks over to someone else's bunk and just stands over it staring at him like he was pissed. So my buddy's allan and allen were on fire guard and said "Bradley, what are you doing?"and shined their flashlight in his face. He looks at them slowly likein a horror movie and his eyes were rolled in the back of his head so we freaked out. Later that night after I'd fallen asleep because this wasn't my fire guard shift after all, they told one drill sergeant. He looked at them and said "that's creepy" and walked right back out

We had an AGI coming the Next day and inspecting the barracks... Back in the days when they used white gloves ... July 1973
We were up all night washing, cleaning, and buffing the Floors Arranging footlockers and Wall Lockers... with a corner of the wool Blanket...
Some one showed up about midnight with a 1/2 gal of Rum and we raided the coke machine in the in the Day room by 0200... (2 AM for the guard and reserve... )

The four of US were buffing the floor in 1 Red... 1 White ... 1 Blue and 1 Kelly Green Under-ware... and cleaning the room a 3rd time to make sure every thing was spotless... and drunk as a skunk and none of us were paying attention the what was going out side the Room at 0200 ...
... About 0345 we stood back at the door to admire our work only to realize the WACS barracks ( with 150 ladies) behind us had emptied out and we got a standing ovation for the Job we did ... and were rated By color coded cards as to our performance... to include ridding the Buffer ...

I was stationed at Twentynine Palms, CA (AKA The Stumps) and had a PFC that seemed to always be in trouble. One Friday night I get a call around 0230 and it is my PFC, apparently he had been drinking at a Corporal's house with one of my LCpl's and my Cpl's roommate, which happened to be a female. The roommate brings out a large dildo and proceeds to start slapping people in the face with it. My LCpl wanted no part of it and decided to leave the PFC to fend for himself. The PFC decides to leave (after being beaten with the 18 in dildo) and starts walking down the highway. San Bernadino County Sheriff's Dept. stops him for walking down the center of the Highway, He calls me right before the officers stop him and forgets I am on the phone. The officers start questioning him about his black eye. He tells the officers what has happened and the officers feel so bad for him, they take him back to the barracks and no charges are filed. The interesting part of this story is I had to tell my Capt, which is female, about the incident without busting out laughing.

So in 2011, I was senior Lance pretty much on charge of the shop screw up. Said screw up shows up an hour late to work one day gets sent to buff and wax the stairwell. 30 mind after he gets to work, our sncoic gets a call from his room mates sncoic. The guy was late to work cause he was down in the parking lot catching a cat and had locked it in his closest. Needless to say our sncoic took him to the barracks, grabbed the cat and took him to the pound to drop it off. He got a formal counseling and continued to be a screw up.

First night in the barracks me and one guy from basic went to the cool down room cause our original rooms door didn't work. There were two guys staying there already as well. My buddy and I walk in and there's stacks of pizza boxes, beer bottles all over the place clothes strung all over the place. And a hanger in the bathroom, so happens one of the guys would take such big shits he had to break it up with the hanger to flush the toilet.

A fort made out of empty domino's pizza boxes in the company fatass' room.

One of my battles on the top floor had left his locker un-secure during a inspection and then it started to rain skittles from an open window because he had kept one of those large bags that hold like 10 regular size packs of skittles in his locker where the plt Sgt could easily find it

sm came into bas wanting psych eval, over the weekend went to country bar in north Carolina, met up with a woman and eventually took this woman to a hotel, well when things got hot and heavey he discovered this woman had a penis, so he thought he might be gay for not detecting this