What's the weirdest thing you've seen while on CQ/Duty?

Pulled CQ at Ft Carson. One of the soldiers took a very very large woman into his room after signing her in. About 30 mins later there was a large crashing noise that came from the room. I used the keys and open up the door as I heard help and saw the wooden military bunk broken with the woman on top of the guy looking on in bewilderment

While on Dockmaster Duty at Norfolk Naval Base, a storm had come up. I was enjoying a really good dinner on one of the tugboats in the small craft basin (some how they always had great chow), we got a call about a loose barge. It was swinging around on its one remaining line and bashing one of the civilian boats into the rock sea wall. So, out we went. I manned the radios while the pilot got into position. The only way to reach the camel was from the water. But it was so rough, thanks to the storm, that we were all bobbing around. One minute we could see the barge, the next we couldn't. Well, one of the tugboat crew grabbed a line and jumped off the bow onto the barge. He just disappeared from sight. Then the next wave brought the barge back up and there he was! Crazy SOB, if you ask me. He was still wearing his civvies since he was supposed to be leaving for a date.

While working the Chief of the Day's desk at Charleston Naval Hospital we received a call from the Air Force base in Myrtle Beach. We were told that one of our ambulances had been involved in a minor accident and that when they investigated they found a lot of fireworks in the back. We had not dispatched any ambulances that day. It seems like a couple of young Corpsmen decided it would be a good idea to borrow an ambulance for the day to go to the beach.

1982, FT Hunter Liggett, Commanders M151 Jeep on edge in the space between the stairwell and the barracks wall. Not a good night, not a good night at all. Gotta love construction units.

I took a CQ shift for someone else in my Company so I could study for the promotion board with my NCO. It was around 9pm and a Soldier walks down to us at the desk and says that the engineers are playing tag with the fire extinguishers. So my NCO calls Bn SD and I go upstairs. Come to find out a 6' man has a 5'5 man pinned up against the wall with a knife to his throat saying he is going to cut him. That's when my NCO called the MPs and BDe SD. BDe SD NCO shows up first, gets everyone out of the barracks and has them take off their shoes and stand in the rocks to tell him the story. One of the boys were crying because this will be his second underage incident. The MPs finally show up and surround the building needing the key to go through all of the rooms. Found a Soldier in the barracks with her 4 year old(Don't remember the exact age, but young) Son living there. It was a pretty great night, I didn't get much studying done after that. However, I did pass the board.

I was On BN Staff Duty and I had a CQ call me to inform me someone was trying to bite someone so I went over there and it was someone who had been drink mad dog wine so I talked to him and brought him back to the BN and put him on a drunk bunk with no mattress and Face down so if got sick he could throw up in a mop Bucket. SSG MARK A FRANZEN

Back in the 90's at Knox I was a corporal pulling CQ for a basic training company they were short drill sergeants. When the last fire guard reported in I thought I was pretty much done for the night, but one of the privates came back and asked me if he could go outside and pat the kitty cat????? I get up and walk out to the door and there was a skunk running around outside, asked the young man if he knew what that was, he said a cat, turns out he was from New York City and this was his first time out of the city. I asked him if he watched cartoons, you know Peppie Lu Pew. Got a blank stare, told him that was definitely not a cat but a skunk and you did not want to mess with that.

Sitting outside the Sub in Jville one day. It's between 2330 and 0000 when one cab pulled up and two sailors came out dragging a 3rd with them. He's being all sailor-like, cursing and whatnot and everyone up top(outside the sub) asked what happened. They said he got too drunk and punched a guy in the face. They take him below and not even 5 minutes later another cab pulls up carrying a few of our officers. One of the officers was holding a makeshift icepack to his jaw and everyone immediately knew who got punched. He was MAD the whole time he was up top he was talking about how he's going to make his life a complete hell until he leaves the command and other stuff. His officer friends were just laughing at him, along with us up top even though we didn't laugh out loud. Guy got NJP'd but he was able to stay in and he cleaned up his act.

A three way fight between drunk Marines over who owed who for the cab. And a motivated Corporal of the Guard flying past me in his Charlies trying to calm them down 'cause I was about to get to his Marines before he did.

This is a long one so bear with me.
I was assigned to a post with about 1500 soldiers. Three of them female. One of those three was a VERY nice looking medic. She had been complaining for months about constantly being hit on by the men.
One night a group of men were drinking in the barracks. After having too much to drink 2 of the soldiers got into an argument. Soldier 1 said "Bite my dick." Soldier 2 said "Stick it out". Soldier 1 stuck it out, and soldier 2 bit too deep.
Soldier 1 came to me at the CQ desk with his dick out, bleeding all over the floor. I took him to the night duty medic; the only female medic on the post.
She was a PFC. This was a problem well beyond her competency. She called the hospital in Grafenwohr to ask how to deal with it. She was told over the phone what type of thread to use and how to suture the wound.
As she was preparing the needle and thread the soldier made a remark something like "I know you have wanted to see this." The medic then changed thread. She "Accidentally" sewed up the wound with the wrong thread and in the wrong way, while she was at it she "Accidentally" sewed up his urinary tract.
The next day a urologist was called in to preform an emergency circumcision so that the man could pee. The urologist said that this man would piss in pain for about 15 days, but he would never again have a normal sex life.
About the same time the urologist was taking care of this soldier the medic was appealing, and explaining her actions to the most powerful person on the post- The BN CSM's wife.
IF THE BN CSM's WIFE AIN'T HAPPY. NO ONE IS HAPPY. The BN CSM's wife informed the CSM that if any negative action was taken against the medic she would make the CSM's life so miserable that he would have to take the entire BN out for field training until she calmed down. She was not going to calm down until after all of the wives in the Battalion worked together to redecorate the barracks in a gay bathhouse motif.She was also going to suggest to the CG's wife that the CG conduct an unannounced barracks inspection just as the battalion was returning from the field.
The medic received an ARCOM for "performing duties well beyond her competency".
The soldier had it marked in his permanent record that this wound was "Self-inflicted", and therefore not eligible for VA compensation. Eventually he had to be given a private room because every time he had a nocturnal erection he would wake up screaming in pain waking everyone in the room.