What's your best military-related story?

The funniest thing I remember from my time in service was one guy from my first unit.  This guy (will remain anonymous) would be spotted going on a 5 mile run through DC at 3am when the rest of us were coming back from the bars.  Anyway, one day he was caught scaling the outside of the barracks building on the second floor with a baking sheet of cookies in the middle of the night.  Our rooms had a common "kitchen area" but we had a full kitchen with an oven for each floor separate from the rooms.  We were kind of confused about this, but when asked about it he said that he said that he had a craving for cookies and didn't want to look bad in front of the other Soldiers because he recently put on a few pounds.  This was hilarious, because he was in very good shape, scored well above 300 on the APFT, and he had 6-pack abs.  He just decided it would be more discreet if he scaled the side of the building from his barracks room window to the kitchen window to make his cookies.  And, yes, he was completely sober.

So one day in sunny California flying around in a phrog and getting some training, my SGT was in the middle of telling me NEVER under any circumstances lean more than 1/4 out over the number one hatch even with a belt on the hatch catches were weak and WOULD open with out the MA deuce mounts,, undoubtedly he needed to show me as well as he leaned on the hatch it popped open and out he fell dangling by his belt we hovered over the tarmac for about 35 minutes so someone could get a mattress that he could land on so the bird could put down.... the second funniest thing was in MCAS yuma where a young officer got flustered ejected from his lawn dart (harrier) and then the harrier corrected it self and hovered for a little over an hour with no pilot...and yet I still have a few more. 

During the second rotation to Afghanistan in '02-'03, I was a CH-47 Phase Team leader.  We were on Kandahar before it is what it is today, most of it was still a minefield.  We even worked out of a hangar that a Specter gunship had gotten a hold of early in the invasion phase of OEF.  Regardless, I would stick around after I had sent all the other mechanics off to chow to do the hand off with the morning shift.  On my way out of the hangar and walking toward the mess tents, I was about taken out by a John Deere Gator that was way overloaded with people: both seats, occupied; front rack, two butts seated on it; cargo bed, two lawn chairs with a person in each holding another person in their lap each.  Eight people in all hauling up the road at all of about 15 mph.  5 seconds later about get taken out again by another Gator, this one with a blue whoopee light on it.  Could not believe I was witnessing a "high-speed" Gator chase on the main road on Kandahar during a deployment.  My only hope was that it wasn't my unit involved, to which I was about to be disappointed as the first Gator stopped near our living area and 7 of the 8 people proceeded to make themselves scarce while the 8th surrendered to the MPs declaring as loud as he could, "Who am I?  I'm CW4 (withheld) F'ing (withheld)!  What you gonna do about it?"  We were 1 aviation company of the 101st attached to two BCTs of the 82nd.  Needless to say the rest of our deployment was not pretty.

Not sure if this funny but back in basic when drill sergeants could " inadvertently put hands on you" this individual was so frustrated that he apparently tried to hang himself. The only problem was that he tried to do it from the drop ceiling in the barracks tearing the whole paneling down.

Let's go to BCT in Fort Sill in November of 2006 prior to the gas&nbsp;chamber the next day.<br><br>We are all gathered on some hardtop to listen to the pre-gas chamber brief. &nbsp;The NCOIC (female in a then all male BCT) states that we should all pull our knees up, lower our heads between said knees, hug aforementioned knees while closing our eyes and listen well.<br>She continues "CS gas has been known to cause sudden cardiac arrest, heart attack for you 13Bs, in individuals who have experienced an orgasm within the last 48 hours prior to exposure. &nbsp;At this time, I need everyone to remain in the previously directed position and people who, through partner assisted or self-inflicted means, have achieved an orgasm/ejaculated in the last 48 hours to raise their hands for safety identification."<br>She then pauses as the hands go up. &nbsp;Finally, she belts out "Everyone! Look around!"<br>A lot of good laughter is had at the expense of the self-abusers who admitted to it.<br><br>The best part was one of our DSs. &nbsp;He was a Sergeant E-5 on his first tour on the trail. &nbsp;He gathered us 'round, the 1st PLT of D 1-40 and said "You privates are nasty! &nbsp;You live, breathe, and crap in an open bay with a bunch of guys! &nbsp;If any of you can jerk off here, you are nasty as hell! &nbsp;... If you jerk off on the floor, don't clean it up, and someone slips &amp; injures themselves, I will find you! &nbsp;And when I find you I'm going to knock you out ... and then I'll jerk off on your face!" &nbsp;We laughed so very hard.<br><br>This is still one of my favorite memories of how specific situations shared among men at arms that are socially completely unacceptable become favorite fireside stories of hilarity.

The 6987th Security Sq was a very small Tri-Service base on top of a mountain in Taiwan.

The new 1st Shirt and the New Admin butter bar posted a directive that as we were so small and everyone knew all the officers, salutes would be rendered to officers regardless of either of us being in or out of uniform. I know...not kosher, but as they both were not allowed in the highly classified ops area, they did not have much to do.

When the were taking their rounds on base, they passed another "troop" in civilian clothes who did not salute.

The 1st Sgt proceeded to lecture him for a few minutes in a very loud command voice about his "violation" of not saluting. Quite a number of us were close enough to observe this spectacle, and awaited the poor troops demise.

The 1st Sgt, after finishing his dressing down, asked the troop what his name and rank was, to which he replied:

"I am John Doe, and I am a Lt in the United States Navy".

Silence.

The 1st Sgt took two steps back, saluted, and THAT was the end of that policy.

There I was... Ft. Lee, VA in the Spring of 1997, 92G AIT. &nbsp;The Quartermaster School CSM was conducting a Class A uniform inspection. &nbsp;She asked every Soldier in the Platoon a military question. &nbsp;She gets to the guy before me and asks him "Who is the SMA?" &nbsp;The guy answers "I don't know." &nbsp;She then asks him "Who is the Quartermaster School CSM?" &nbsp;He replies&nbsp;<font color="#4d4d4d"><span style="font-size: 14px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"I don't know." &nbsp;At this point she gets kind of irritated and asks "Soldier, who is you PSG?" Once again he replies&nbsp;"I don't know." &nbsp;She looses it at this point and asks "Soldier, what is your middle name." &nbsp;He replies "I don't have one." &nbsp;At this point everyone in the formation starts smiling and snickering. &nbsp;The CSM turns and asks me "Soldier, who is the Quartermaster School CSM?" In between snickering I reply "Sergeant Major, I thought it was you but, now I'm not so sure." &nbsp;She replies "You would be right." &nbsp;At this point everyone starts laughing.</span></font>

<p>Probably best described by Bill Murray in "Stripes," when he said "it's not just the uniform, it's the stories..."&nbsp; Classic moment, great scene, and couldn't have said it better myself, you all have some great stories, and we're all looking forward to hearing them... enjoy!&nbsp; Semper, B</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iTwIwfvNJLk</p><p>&nbsp;</p><p>&nbsp;</p><div class="pta-link-card"><div class="pta-link-card-picture"><img src="http://i1.ytimg.com/vi/iTwIwfvNJLk/maxresdefault.jpg"></div><div class="pta-link-card-content"><div class="pta-link-card-title"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iTwIwfvNJLk" target="_blank">Chicks Dig Me - Stripes (4/8) Movie CLIP (1981) HD</a></div><div class="pta-link-card-description">Stripes Movie Clip - watch all clips http://j.mp/T3KDzE click to subscribe http://j.mp/sNDUs5 Ziskey (Harold Ramis) and Winger (Bill Murray) introduce themse...</div></div><div style="clear: both;"></div><div class="pta-box-hide"><i class="icon-remove"></i></div></div>

I got a story that happened a few months back. I was sitting on rear D last year acting as the company 1SG. So here's how it goes. Its morning Formation, private starts running up late and not only is he late, he's running in front of the BN formation. He runs up and he looks like he doesn't know where he's going. He then stops in front of C Co. and turns into the direction of BDE HHC, so that's where he's going to go. But here's the thing, he's about to walk in front of my formation (Alpha) or better yet in between me and my platoon. So here's how it goes...

SGT Eashman: STOP!!! What are you doing?
Private: I'm looking for SFC Hines (his 1SG) formation SGT?
SGT Eashman: This is SFC Hines formation. Why are you about to run in front of my formation private? What company are you in? (Mind you I'm ready to skull drag this kid from Ft. Hood to Ft. Campbell, since he looked right at me and kept going)
Private: Alpha, SGT (at parade rest)
SGT Eashman: This is Alpha, fall in, the flag is about to go off, I'll deal with you after that (I'm saying in my mind, WHO THE F#@K are you?!?!? Never seen this kid in my life). Plus I look at my CW2 who was the acting company commander and he’s looking at me like “who the hell is that kid???”

Flag goes off, PSGs take charge of your platoon and conduct PT

SGT Eashman: Now who are you?
Private: I'm Private Cheetos, SGT
SGT Eashman: Why haven't I've been tracking you then? What's your MOS?
Private: 11B, SGT
SGT Eashman: 11B? And they told you to come over here (Now of course I'm thinking since he's a fuzzy, he's either brand new out of basic or is being chaptered)
Private: I don't know SGT, I woke up late and I was going to try and get over to the company. I've been here for about a week now
SGT Eashman: Well we're headed to the company now, but you've been here for a week?
Private: Roger SGT, I woke up late and I was just trying to get to formation in time, my unit is over there (points in the opposite direction of the company) I'm in Bravo, 1-502 IN
SGT Eashman: WTF!?!?! This BSTB, get out of here before I take your core temperature!!!

Got to love soldiers, but I think I really should of just took his core temperature. My old 1SG taught me that…..ha ha ha

..just watched a bud/s school special where one applicant remarked:<br><br>MRE's - depending upon your digestive system, mean either Meals Ready to Exit, or Meals Refusing to Exit.<br>