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We've all been guilty of "shamming" at one time or another, but some of us make it an art. My best strategy was always having two hats and leaving one on my desk in my office, so if anyone came looking for me they'd see it and assume I was still in the building somewhere. Brilliant. What are your best tactics, techniques, and procedures when it comes to shamming?
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Way back in the early 80's a friend of mine had a cardboard figure of himself, professionally made, from the waist up looking really busy with his head down. He planted it in his chair, moved his desk to face the window and would then leave the A.O. Most people figured he was on a deadline and left his cutout figure alone. Come to think of it he was looked at as pretty efficient.
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I spent 24 years in public affairs (13 active; eight year break, 12 years reserve). I learned quickly, that the job of a PA practitioner, is to tell people to "go to hell," but to do it in such a way, so that they couldn't wait to get home and pack for the trip.
I also learned that bullshit is an art; that to become proficient, one must practice. Constantly. I mean, after all, why do you think we are called "artists?"
My co-workers (cohorts) and I could make the biggest disaster look like a resounding success - at least on paper, and in photos.
We had the "gift of gab." One lieutenant I worked for, once talked a two star into taking off his boots, and wearing hospital bedroom slippers, to take a tour of our facilities in Vietnam.
We were very good at what we did. We didn't just sham our superiors. We shammed everybody.
I also learned that bullshit is an art; that to become proficient, one must practice. Constantly. I mean, after all, why do you think we are called "artists?"
My co-workers (cohorts) and I could make the biggest disaster look like a resounding success - at least on paper, and in photos.
We had the "gift of gab." One lieutenant I worked for, once talked a two star into taking off his boots, and wearing hospital bedroom slippers, to take a tour of our facilities in Vietnam.
We were very good at what we did. We didn't just sham our superiors. We shammed everybody.
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My wife and I were both active duty. We called people like this "slugs". One of my big frustrations was with the biggest slugs of all, smokers!! They practically stayed out in the smoke pit, taking numerous smoke breaks each day during with they stayed out there forever while us nonsmokers didn't take many breaks, if any. Now THAT's shamming!
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LCpl Lcpl Harvey
I quit smoking at the beginning of job school, never thought about picking up a cigarette again till I got to the fleet. Took less than a week to notice that smokers got a 5-10 min smoje break every hour on the hour, non-smokers got nothing. Went out to the px instead of the chow hall for lunch and picked up a pack...been smokin like a chimney ever since.
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SGT Michael Root
Yeah, the "mandatory" smoke breaks really annoyed me at times as well. I was on a TOC detail for about a week manning the radios while our unit provided OPFOR for another unit. It wasn't too bad except that I was the only non-smoker in the detail. As you can imagine, I was stuck with the radios every single time they took a smoke break (which was pretty close to every hour on the hour). It was only when they noticed I started taking extra "latrine breaks" about 3-4 days in that the SFC realized that he hadn't been giving me any breaks during the 12-hour shifts. He told me to take breaks as needed after that but it blew my mind that he hadn't even realized it prior to that since "everyone" was getting regular smoke breaks.
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Infantry PSG: where are you going, Doc?
Me: working at the aid station
*calls aid station*
Me: hey I can't come to the aid station. We got some infantry training today
Medic PSG: okay. No problem.
Me: working at the aid station
*calls aid station*
Me: hey I can't come to the aid station. We got some infantry training today
Medic PSG: okay. No problem.
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SPC Norman Merritt
wait until the PSG calls the aid station to get you to answer a question and discovers your sham....
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Navy EMS was like being given the keys to the kingdom. You could go anywhere (on-base and off) in the rig, and bring the jump bag and a walkie-talkie when you got out, people would scatter. No one wants a couple of grumpy looking Corpsmen anywhere near them lest they get sucked into the drama. "Area familiarization" was always good for a couple of hours of driving around listening to the radio, or napping under a tree. Surprisingly, civilian EMS was exactly the same.
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I would take like 15 minutes wonder around the unit and tell a few people that I was going to see this person then stop by for some pointless task, tell them I was going to see the next person about something etc etc. Do this for about 4 or 5 people. Then disappear for an hour or two. If someone came looking for me they would run into a bunch of people that had seen me or knew where I was going or who I was going to see It made it sound like a full morning of meetings and work, and the never caught on that it all happened in only a few minutes.
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When I was at AIT the seconod time, the company was about 200-people - any time before PT when they would start yelling out names for a UA, I would sound off "Here, Sergeant, Moving Sergeant" fall out and go to the UA formation. When I got up there and they didn't have my name "Hmm...Thought you called me" and then go back to bed.
It never ever ever ever ever failed.
It never ever ever ever ever failed.
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