What's your funniest "The Military Just Came Out Of Me" moment in the workplace?

Um I still work with military as a Fleet Weapons Support Rep, but on the civilian side.

This is a little graphic. I hope it doesn't offend anyone.

After being discharged, I went to college. One of my classes was Anatomy and Physiology. I and two of my classmates (two young ladies, just out of high school) were reviewing for a test in the student union building.

The prostate gland was one of the organs we were reviewing. One of its purposes is to store semen until ejaculation, at which time, strong contractions cause the expected results. While reviewing this sequence of events, the phrase "Load and lock one round." popped into my head.

I lost it!

I spent at least the next five minutes laughing uncontrollably. After I settled down a little, I tried to explain to them why I thought it was so funny. They didn't seem to get it. I guess you had to have spent time in uniform and have my quirky sense of humor.

While on a Boy Scout multi troop wilderness survival merit badge theme weekend campout, we had invited several army rangers to give a demo to the boys and join us for the weekend. They did a great job of telling the boys about the camping gear they had. After their talk they asked for questions. The smallest and youngest boy raised he hand and asked why they put their campsite in the middle of the poison ivy patch. Seeing the red faces on the 3 sergeants (E5 and E6) was priceless. Yes, they moved the campsite

Christmas 2002, my family are all sitting at the dinner table discussing very loudly how my grandfather was going to be buried. My grandmother tried to say something but no one heard her. She turned away and went to her room crying. I saw this and it pissed me off so in my loudest drill sergeant voice I yelled “at ease”. The table went quiet and every eye at the table turned to me with daggers of death glaring at me. You see everyone at the table outranked me. I was a lowly Sergeant at the time while there were 2 Air Force Master Sergeants, an Air Force Colonel, a Marine Staff Sergeant and an FBI Lawyer. I told all of them to stop arguing about what they wanted, once their older sister got there she would tell them what was going to happen. I informed them that their bickering is upsetting their mother and it needs to stop now! The discussion ended immediately… my aunt came in the next morning and chewed everyone’s ass for upsetting her mom…..

This is not about me but my Dad and Brother. It was back in 1976 while I was a SP4 in the ALA Army Guard that this happened. I was out of the Air Force and one of my jobs was to work for my Dad at his cabinet shop on Fridays. Well about 1300 this Friday when every saw, jointed, plainer, air gun and the paint boots were going full bore an Air Force SSGT coms driving up to the shop and ask one of the guys loading a truck outside for SGT Chason. Now my TSgt older brother was home on leave so that put three possible people he could be looking for, my TSgt brother, my dad (a SGT with County Sheriff's auxiliary), and myself. The person the SSgt approached ask which one the SSgt acted like the employee was a three headed snake. My dad and brother saw the staff car pull up and went outside together to see what was going on. My dad introduced him self as the shop owner and ask how he could help the SSgt. Again the SSgt ask to speak to Sgt Chason and Dad and my brother both said together "I'm Sgt Chason what can I do for you?" Again the lost stare came over the young SSgt (recruiter). My dad said "Son who are you looking for and use the first name this time. He said Sgt Richard Chason. My dad (yanking his chain) told him "Son there is no Sgt Richard Chason here." This was technically true s I was not in the USAF and I was a SP4 in the ALA ANG. The SSgt looked at dad like he was in trouble and said "but sir this is the work address I was give for him and I was assured he would be here. Dad said "Richard Chason is here but he is not a Sgt unless you have papers to make him one." The SSgt said Sir that is what I have would you please have someone get him for me?" At that time my brother and my dad, in their best TI and DI voices, called out "Ricky outside". Dad later told me that that SSgt must have jumped 3' off the ground. Turns out that I was being recalled to active duty due to my expertise on some classified equipment. The USAF had allowed to many people to leave in 1975 and did not have enough to maintain the equipment in the five locations around the world. They recalled the last three that they had given a discharge to.

Before transferring to retail I was Security Officer at Disneyland. I had the graveyard shift since I had insomnia and don't sleep much at night and the pay wasn't bad either. It's about 0400 or something like that and it was our job to check the bag and containers of all cast members. I turned on my loud voice and reminded everyone to have their bags and containers open before they got to the table so that it would speed up the process (it was also listed and big sign they walked by) i even tried some humor. But when the cast members would get to the screening table to the other officers, they would complain and then open their bags and be like "why is he so energetic and so loud? This isn't the army" I got a laugh every time. My supervisor just laughed when the complaints got to him and he said "Good freaking job"

We were tight wire aligning a steam turbine. It involved stretching a music wire through the turbine shell and tieing a calucated weight on the end of the wire. This wire was stretched for about 20 feet anong the floor 6 inches above the floor. I saw someone walking tward the wire and yelled Stop Trip wire. The guy frose in his steps. I found out later that he was a combat vet like me and he said that it scared the hell out of him. Some flashbacks never go away.

Oh, this is funny.
I was working in a totally, kinder and gentler civilian job, and my task at hand was to interview a person. In a cubicle, in my work office. Which is supposed to be private, but you know -- this is an office with cubicles, so how much privacy you get depends on the discretion shown by the co-workers.
A nosy co-worker came to the cube and began staring (Army veteran, long since left the service), and in a classic style, I said, (in a loud and firm voice) STEP OUT OF THE CUBE.
Everybody turned to stare, and all I could do was just ignore everybody and press on.
hahahahaha, funny now but...

When at my workplace, our Union President came and had a meeting with all of us to discuss upcoming contract issues. Now some of the "guys" had issues with what the union was doing but we had enough respect for the Union President to let him speak. Not this one coworker, who constantly interrupted him. After several outbursts from this dirtbag, I stood up and yelled as loud as I could "Sit down and shut the Fuck up!" I guess my Marine Corps voice did the trick. Everyone except this guy started clapping and hooting and hollering "WAY TO GO!"

It happens now and then especially more now that I’m a CDL instructor. The best one so far was this little AF puke who thought his rank meant something to me, he found out the hard way that this old Bulldog doesn’t take lip from a 20 something! Busted him down with a good lashing which ended something like “any time you think you can handle what I got, get off the chair and out of the office and we’ll see whatcha got!” I got in trouble for that one, not that I cared.