What would make American Legions and Veteran of Foreign War posts more appealing to join for you?

Nothing, they are on the way out.
I was a member for about a year.

Combine the 2 together. American legion anyone can join as in if you havent been overseas or not. VFW you have to been deployed. Some have never been deployed and could never join the VFW. I persoanlly have joined the American Legion and would love to join the VFW but can't cause I have never been deployed.

Consistency, fairness and lack of hypocrisy come to mind.

I tried to join VFW and American Legion at the same time my friend did and was rejected while he was accepted. We both had the exact same careers at the time and I might have had a deployment more than he did. I watched who was and wasn't accepted during the next decade and noticed that everywhere I went it was more of a popularity contest than anything else. If you were buddies with someone inside, you were in.

Over the past 20 years, I've become more comfortable with isolation. We have a group of combat veterans out here in the wilds that take care of each other just like when we were on active duty. Who needs a faux club when you got the real?

I joined the Freemasons. I did not serve in war time. So I don’t feel a VFW post was right for me. I never considered the AL but I am fully committed to freemasonry now.

I served from 1985-2009. And I was deployed multiple times along with a year remote assignment to Korea. But I have zero desire to join a VFW or American Legion even though I have gotten letters in the mail from both wanting me to join. If I want to hang out with guys that just want to tell me how their Vietnam service trumps everyone else then I would join the VFW. And if I wanted to join membership required bar then I could join the Moose Lodge for free since my sister in law is a bartender at one. The VFW and American Legion only want your money and don't care about you.

I totally agree the Legion that’s in our city appears to only cater to the older members and I haven’t seen them do any community projects in decades

I went to my local VFW for assistance appealing my VA disability rating and was treated like an outsider. Why would I want anything to do with them? I feel like the older generation running the VA takes care of themselves and their buddies and the younger generation isn't a priority for them.

Both groups share similar problems. One when peace breaks out membership in both were closed. American Legion Fixed that about 4 years ago when Congress changed the the requirements for admission to Legion. VFW boots on ground in theater. I am a member of Legion (13 years), Desert Storm area, National Guard called up but not deployed out of country. I am a District Commander that deals with this problem all the time. We have good Posts as well as failing Posts. Commanders who have served way too long with members who are set in their ways....
Our post has Veterans from all conflicts and is very open and inviting. Hell I have posts in my district that I would not want to be a member of.Those posts will die out a slow death. I am having to close 2 posts this year. Frankly the membership got too old to run a posts.
I also know most younger members don't want to run a posts (wedding, showers, events) and give the time needed.
It however is most important to keep these groups working as we advocate for Veterans rights and benefits. I feel as I owe this to all Veterans before me.
Try different Posts till you find one you like and remember like so many Veterans its hard to warm up to new people. Give them a chance.

This was also the same for private clubs as the Moose Lodge and the Elks. They had to become more competitive and proactive with events and community as well as supportive family activities to bring in new members

Helping to be spouse friendly without rank of military service members might help as well. They need to have their own family support service representative to assist them with concerns of their members.
They also need to have volunteers to set up enjoyable entertainment nights with younger singers like Nikki Briar and her group who travels to play at local VFW halls and who does group country dancing.
Unfortunately you this person is correct about the prior war veterans being less than generous with welcoming younger generations which is a shame because they have a lot of knowledge to share