When No means No: A Discussion on the notorious "Welcome Home" party.

I thought the same way, but then I realized that the party wasn't really for me, it was more for them. I may not want to be there but this was my families way of dealing with me being gone.

My wife always knew that I needed a few days to decompress before we did anything more than going out to dinner.

A few times coming home she made us stop at her parent's house and her whole family was there. They weren't surprise parties per say but I was more than a bit uncomfortable. Luckily my wife picked up on that and cut our visit short. They all thought I was being an asshole except for her Dad (Marine Corps veteran).

No should mean no in this circumstance. Fortunately, my wife and family are very in tune to the reasons I don't want something like this, and my family always respects my wishes following a deployment. A typical coming home for me is usually limited to a dinner with very few close family members -- at most. Even at that, it's not immediately after I get home.

I think it's important to share a little of yourself in advance to hopefully secure their understanding in this type of situation. You don't have to disclose everything, but perhaps something as simple as telling them that it's been a super hectic deployment and you just want to spend some quality time at home first. Then, you can just keep kicking the can down the road until your return is no longer a new thing and the welcome home party sort of loses its appeal.

They make me uncomfortable because I know I don't deserve it. But people are proud of you and they don't understand the military thing. So suck it up. Smile. Shake hands. Make small talk. Eat cake and it's over. 24 hours later it's all a memory. Life is to short for the negativity or pushing family and friends away. Whether we like to admit it or not, we need people in our lives.

Just a clarification. I am writing this because a good friend of mine is on his way home from s deployment. Now I use the term deployment loosely here, and he would agree completely. He has expressed that he does not want a fuss or a party for returning from what was essentially a vacation without family. Nevertheless, his wife ignored his requests. She had the entire block shut down, family from all over coming, VFW and Yellow ribbon support/funding, the local news. Etc, etc, etc..... It's all much a do about nothing. He is irritated and pissed and all because someone wouldn't listen. Bad news for everyone.

CSM (Join to see) Families, significant others need a chance to celebrate your return. Odd to say this, but the party is more about the family than it is about you.

I have a wife and four kids, they associate any event as a party, even if I don't.
I just try to bend the rules to something that works for me and just say Thank you to those that supported you and your family while you were away.

I wish no would mean no! I would have a hard time walking away from something the people who love me put time and effort into. I appreciate their support. I'd suffer through the humiliation for the time being and discuss it with them in private.

I when I said "No Thanks" and family members continued to push, I simply left, if the family did not like it, I simply repeated I said NO! They eventually learned to respect my desire of privacy. One of my biggest reason was that these homecoming parties always involved alcohol and too much drinkingand I did not want to expose my sleeping demons to alcohol abuse.

Everytime I came home my mother insisted on making a big deal about it. 7 years after leaving the service and I still don't like being in crowds no one listened to hints I had to be very clear about my anxiety. Which I didn't understand and could not communicate clearly for years. I know they wanted to show appreciation and to see me but I hated it.

I'm an attention whore. Give me a party.