Posted on Oct 28, 2019
Where can I get advice on the legality of the actions of my child's mother?
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Long story, so here goes.
I had a child by a woman in 2012 at 18, she was 22. She was no good, and ended up going to jail and delivering him in the Missouri Department of Corrections. Due to my financial issues, I could not afford a lawyer and she regained custody upon her release. This was all before I joined the military. I was not allowed parenting time and paid $400 a month in child support.
Fast forward to 2017. In March, she overdosed in a bathroom and my son was put into foster care with his grandmother, who is a lawyer. She continued to fail, and ended up doing 11 months in prison, now being a convicted felon on parole. Due to my not having any rights beforehand, I had to go through an extensive process in order to gain custody of my son. I gained custody in May of 2018, and rotated in February of '19 to Germany, during which time he lived with my father under the provisions of my family care plan. She was allowed supervised visitation while I was gone, and just this past 4-day was her first visit of more than a day.
I say all this to caveat. I am looking at orders to Fort Campbell in May of next year. When I informed her and her mother of this, they tried to state that maybe him living with me was not a stable environment and that he shouldn't be moved around in the military lifestyle, as it will be hard on him (keep in mind, i have full physical and joint legal custody per a court order). My worry is that they are going to try to present to a judge that my lifestyle is too hectic and that it is not a suitable living environment. I have a live in fiance' whom I have a month old baby with, and she is a second parent to him when I am out to the field or working late, so he is never without care.
Is there any validity to my concern, or any legal precedence that they would be able to use to try to modify the custody order? Again, she is a convicted felon on parole but her mother is a lawyer who specializes in family law, having been the reason I was not in his life for the first 3 years. I am just worried that she will try to present me as a unfit parent due to military requirements.
I had a child by a woman in 2012 at 18, she was 22. She was no good, and ended up going to jail and delivering him in the Missouri Department of Corrections. Due to my financial issues, I could not afford a lawyer and she regained custody upon her release. This was all before I joined the military. I was not allowed parenting time and paid $400 a month in child support.
Fast forward to 2017. In March, she overdosed in a bathroom and my son was put into foster care with his grandmother, who is a lawyer. She continued to fail, and ended up doing 11 months in prison, now being a convicted felon on parole. Due to my not having any rights beforehand, I had to go through an extensive process in order to gain custody of my son. I gained custody in May of 2018, and rotated in February of '19 to Germany, during which time he lived with my father under the provisions of my family care plan. She was allowed supervised visitation while I was gone, and just this past 4-day was her first visit of more than a day.
I say all this to caveat. I am looking at orders to Fort Campbell in May of next year. When I informed her and her mother of this, they tried to state that maybe him living with me was not a stable environment and that he shouldn't be moved around in the military lifestyle, as it will be hard on him (keep in mind, i have full physical and joint legal custody per a court order). My worry is that they are going to try to present to a judge that my lifestyle is too hectic and that it is not a suitable living environment. I have a live in fiance' whom I have a month old baby with, and she is a second parent to him when I am out to the field or working late, so he is never without care.
Is there any validity to my concern, or any legal precedence that they would be able to use to try to modify the custody order? Again, she is a convicted felon on parole but her mother is a lawyer who specializes in family law, having been the reason I was not in his life for the first 3 years. I am just worried that she will try to present me as a unfit parent due to military requirements.
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Posted 5 y ago
Responses: 12
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SGT (Join to see)
I realize that I need one, but with having a new baby and preparing to move I am low on income.
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MAJ Javier Rivera
Understood SGT (Join to see). Just be aware that custody issues might get very ugly and quickly and having a knowledgeable attorney is a must and JAG can only help to a point.
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Ok, first off this is a civilian legal issue and not an issue germaine to the military. So you need to seek a civilian attorney that specializes in family law. The military is not going to touch this.
Now, as long as what you say is accurate, in so far as you have full legal custody of the child, the grandparents have no legal leg to stand on. They are not the guardians of record. The most they could do was launch a complaint in the state where you are posted and have DFACS do a health and welfare check on you and the child. But as long as at the time of the inspection they find that the child is clean, healthy, the house in good repair and order and things like shots etc are maintained then that is the end of it.
They can try that whole 'not stable environment' crap but the fact is millions of kids go through this every day of every year and have done so for many decades and turn out ok. Seek a civilian family practice lawyer.
Now, as long as what you say is accurate, in so far as you have full legal custody of the child, the grandparents have no legal leg to stand on. They are not the guardians of record. The most they could do was launch a complaint in the state where you are posted and have DFACS do a health and welfare check on you and the child. But as long as at the time of the inspection they find that the child is clean, healthy, the house in good repair and order and things like shots etc are maintained then that is the end of it.
They can try that whole 'not stable environment' crap but the fact is millions of kids go through this every day of every year and have done so for many decades and turn out ok. Seek a civilian family practice lawyer.
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SGT (Join to see)
I just didn't know if anyone else has had an ex try this, I know I need to get a lawyer but I'm more looking for experiences
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SGT (Join to see)
Check out this episode. If you're not in CA, Nathan is also willing to help veterans make a case plan. Give him a call!
https://www.blogs.va.gov/VAntage/66268/born-battle-163-nathan-goncalves-army-veteran-ucla-law-school/
Check out this episode. If you're not in CA, Nathan is also willing to help veterans make a case plan. Give him a call!
https://www.blogs.va.gov/VAntage/66268/born-battle-163-nathan-goncalves-army-veteran-ucla-law-school/
Born the Battle #163: Nathan Goncalves: Army Veteran, Equal Justice Works, UCLA Law School -...
Army Veteran and UCLA Law School graduate Nathan Goncalves sacrificed a corporate law career and switched to service homeless and low-income veterans.
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