Posted on Mar 25, 2014
Why can’t an enlisted soldier date an officer?
170K
1.11K
244
38
38
0
With all the changes DoD is making to placate the minoritygroups (i.e. DADT repeal, grooming for certain groups) why has no one looked atthe officer/enlisted relationship issue. I totally get that is should not
happen within the unit (which should apply to enlisted/enlisted and officer/officer
as well) but if a enlisted troop happens
to meet a officer in a different command and neither could affect the others career,
then why is it still and issue? Not trying to change policy, just looking for
feedback.
happen within the unit (which should apply to enlisted/enlisted and officer/officer
as well) but if a enlisted troop happens
to meet a officer in a different command and neither could affect the others career,
then why is it still and issue? Not trying to change policy, just looking for
feedback.
Officers
Enlisted
Regulation
Relationships
Dating
Posted >1 y ago
Responses: 91
2
2
0
I have a story to tell about this. I dated an officer once. She was a LTC in the VA NG. It was a blind date persay since we were put together by a dating company. I was still in at the time. When we both found out about that we were Officer and Enlisted having a date. We both kind of laughed at it and both had a good time for the hour we were together. We both knew that we could not make this permanent because of the rules. But you do bring up something interesting. Who knows what may happen in the future.
(2)
(0)
SSG (Join to see)
TSgt, very interesting. I used a couple dating sites several years ago. On one of them I came across a very pretty and interesting lady. I was going to send her a message until I found out she was a 1LT in another Brigade. Just couldn't do it.
(1)
(0)
SSgt Michael Hacker
I knew an active duty TSgt who was married to a reserve Major. Occasionally, he'd do his reserve duty as our flight commander. Never a problem as far as I saw.
(1)
(0)
1
1
0
Simple answer? What may seem like no problem now could become one later if one is transferred into the other's unit. Another possibility is that the officer could possibly influence the leadership in the enlisted soldier's unit. Whether either of these actually happen does not matter as long as it is a PERCEIVED possibility.
My advice: If you are in a situation where an enlisted service members and an officer begin a relationship, seriously consider having the enlisted soldier commission as an officer. You will eventually get found out. Might as well make the relationship legal under military law before someone's career gets ended.
My advice: If you are in a situation where an enlisted service members and an officer begin a relationship, seriously consider having the enlisted soldier commission as an officer. You will eventually get found out. Might as well make the relationship legal under military law before someone's career gets ended.
(1)
(0)
1
1
0
I think you should be able to date, enlisted officer, if you're not in the same command!
(1)
(0)
1
1
0
Because relationships are complicated, life is complicated, and the military is structured for a reason. Trying to add another complication into that structure has potential to weaken it. Individuals don't know and can't control where it will go. Had my wife been enlisted when I was a Jr NCO I probably would not have gone to OCS. It is two different worlds that would be difficult to meld within the same household.
(1)
(0)
1
1
0
A spc in my unit was married to a warrant officer. He would come in and talk to the chain of command to get her leave approved after it was denied. Or she was to go to training or something and he'd get it changed. So wrong!
(1)
(0)
CW5 Sam R. Baker
That clearly is not how he should have carried himself or remotely influenced the chain of command. That is wrong on every account, my apologies if it set a negative example on the WO population as you know it.
(2)
(0)
1
1
0
I may be a little old and crusty, but from the beginning of my commission, I was instructed that if you want to be respected as a professional.....act like one. I never developed personal relations that were out of bounds by U.S. Army standards or encouraged them with the junior officers I mentored.
I had a close bond with my First Sergeant who also shared the same philosophy and values.
We discouraged dating between enlisted - NCO and between officers and enlisted because good order and discipline is not derived by "following your feelings" it is accomplished by developing skills and behaviors that win wars.
I know of officers and enlisted personnel who dated, married, and performed well in their military service. It was always an anomaly - never common.
I am retired now. Just a PFC (private forgotten civilian), but I will always remember what an outstanding CSM told me. "Standards Matter - that is why NCOs and Officers to enforce them. If not....then you have the nicest Army that gets ran off the hill."
I miss that man.
I had a close bond with my First Sergeant who also shared the same philosophy and values.
We discouraged dating between enlisted - NCO and between officers and enlisted because good order and discipline is not derived by "following your feelings" it is accomplished by developing skills and behaviors that win wars.
I know of officers and enlisted personnel who dated, married, and performed well in their military service. It was always an anomaly - never common.
I am retired now. Just a PFC (private forgotten civilian), but I will always remember what an outstanding CSM told me. "Standards Matter - that is why NCOs and Officers to enforce them. If not....then you have the nicest Army that gets ran off the hill."
I miss that man.
(1)
(0)
1
1
0
In the mid 70s, we were allowed to date any office that wasn't in a position to further our career or that were in our chain of command.
(1)
(0)
1
1
0
Officially, you cannot although I have a cousin who dated a captain while enlisted.
(1)
(0)
1
1
0
The same reason a manager can't date an employee, a teacher a student, a correctional officer a prisoner, a officer those who they command.
It's a conflict of interest regardless of whether or not they are in their "food chain". There is a world of billions of people. Date someone who does not violate military policy.
It's a conflict of interest regardless of whether or not they are in their "food chain". There is a world of billions of people. Date someone who does not violate military policy.
(1)
(0)
SP6 Michael Timeless
It seems a strange attitude to take. We have military veterans committing suicide at a rate of 22 a day. These are often kids (I was 17 when I enlisted), who are looking for something that is not available depending on where they are stationed. We obviously are not taking care of the mental health of our troops and now, if they date someone outside their unit that is a problem as well. It may be a world of billions of people Major. Some of us prefer the company of people who speak our language, don't get stopped at the border and have common interests, education and background. Base on what you wrote you speak only of "common sense" chain of command references.
My wife and I met in the military (E5 Medic/01 Pilot) we met at a roller rink, not on the base. Over the year our common military background helped our marriage survive the separations that took place over our careers. Had these rules been in place in the 70s as they are written today, the military would have lost two well trained specialists, whose careers never crossed at work.
While I would be the first to say that we could never have been in the same command because it would have been a problem (perception becomes reality). The fact that we were professionals in different units allowed us thrive.
Abuse of power is abuse of power, irregardless of the chain of command. I have seen far more abuse of power by the legal spouses of Officers and NCOs who forgot they were NOT in the chain of command. Just my two cents worth.
My wife and I met in the military (E5 Medic/01 Pilot) we met at a roller rink, not on the base. Over the year our common military background helped our marriage survive the separations that took place over our careers. Had these rules been in place in the 70s as they are written today, the military would have lost two well trained specialists, whose careers never crossed at work.
While I would be the first to say that we could never have been in the same command because it would have been a problem (perception becomes reality). The fact that we were professionals in different units allowed us thrive.
Abuse of power is abuse of power, irregardless of the chain of command. I have seen far more abuse of power by the legal spouses of Officers and NCOs who forgot they were NOT in the chain of command. Just my two cents worth.
(1)
(0)
LTC (Join to see)
I understand what you are saying. Congratulations and having a good marriage. That is an accomplishment. The issue is that there is no good common ground. With a focus on integrated troops; male, female, trans, gay, strait, and a huge problem with sexual assault and harassment the good order and discipline of the soldiers comes before any individuals desires. Nothing destroys cohesion amoung a group faster than scorned lovers. A key component in making a gender and sexuality neutral military is deemphasizing those things and focusing on skills and training not gender, sexual appetites or life partner selection. Good order and discipline must come first.
(1)
(0)
1
1
0
I knew a LOT of people who 'cross the line' in the Corps, but there weren't that many Women Marines, and I suppose we felt more inclined to take care of each other than to drop a dime on another Marine.
Most, I have to say, were pilots who were dating Women Marines, but few knew outside of their close friends. The way most of us saw it, was simple. Outside of the unit, fine... inside a unit, 'Zeros and E's didn't mix. Inside most Marine units, upper Enlisted and lower Enlisted rarely even talked outside of work, because it just wasn't done.
Maybe its our training, but we knew, given some unforeseen circumstance in a war zone, that Sergeant may be leading that Cpl and having emotions about that person other than strictly work connected, would not be a good thing.
It is, quite frankly, in the Corps, a matter of chain of command. Same command, hell no... a Squadron officer and a Grunt-side Enlisted Marine... no problem as long as they keep it to themselves, and yes it goes on all the time. There are more than a few Women Marines who were enlisted, who are now officer's wives, and I know of at least three Women Marines who are on a career path, who are married to men who WERE officers. I sometimes think that it was really the first "DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL" situation in the military. But that's just me...
Most, I have to say, were pilots who were dating Women Marines, but few knew outside of their close friends. The way most of us saw it, was simple. Outside of the unit, fine... inside a unit, 'Zeros and E's didn't mix. Inside most Marine units, upper Enlisted and lower Enlisted rarely even talked outside of work, because it just wasn't done.
Maybe its our training, but we knew, given some unforeseen circumstance in a war zone, that Sergeant may be leading that Cpl and having emotions about that person other than strictly work connected, would not be a good thing.
It is, quite frankly, in the Corps, a matter of chain of command. Same command, hell no... a Squadron officer and a Grunt-side Enlisted Marine... no problem as long as they keep it to themselves, and yes it goes on all the time. There are more than a few Women Marines who were enlisted, who are now officer's wives, and I know of at least three Women Marines who are on a career path, who are married to men who WERE officers. I sometimes think that it was really the first "DON'T ASK, DON'T TELL" situation in the military. But that's just me...
(1)
(0)
Read This Next
Continue with Facebook 
Continue with Google