Why is it so hard for my spouse to understand my obligations as a senior leader?

CW4 (Join to see) That's a tough deal and I certainly feel for you.
My current wife, as much as I tried to prepare her, didn't fully grasp the sacrifices we might one day have to make. She was then spoiled by 5 years of relative stability at that duty station.

Since then, I have done a year in Korea unaccompanied (which was the biggest test of our relationship and nearly broke it). Then I came home and moved her across the country (away from all her family) to my new duty station, only to get hit with a deployment 6 months later.

We have had some rough patches in the last 2 years, but luckily for me, she turned the corner to understanding before things got to the point of no return.

This deployment is still a strain on her and our boys, but she finally "gets it"...she may not like it, but she gets it. Not every spouse will reach that point of understanding. I certainly hope that yours does.

I am sorry that has been your experience Chief. I have been blessed with an "Army Brat" as a wife whose Dad was a 1SG. She understands the responsibilities that are inherent with the position. With that being said, there have definitely been times where I do have to explain the "why" and I have no issues with that. Mission accomplishment and then the welfare of your Soldiers and their families. While that is an easy sentence to write, sometimes it is a difficult sentence to explain. I am sure that at the end of the day that you will find creative ways to explain your responsibilities to our Army and our Soldiers.

Danger Will Robinson. Spouses who don't understand (or won't) typically cannot correlate the time and activities to something they see as tangible. That's half a step away from that shit is more important than me syndrome. I'd suggest joint counseling to attempt to close the gap. You didn't get to where you are by being a wimp so there's a lot of credit due. You both should discover the disconnect and and drivers. Good luck.