Your best "oh crap" moment?

I just returned from Korea circa 1994 and I had my physical along with the AIDS test done. I was told they would only call me if it was positive. I wasn't too worried but at 21 it was a scary concept. Anyhow, fast forward 2 weeks and I'm sitting in my shop and the phone rings, another airmen answers and says it's for me. As I'm walking across the shop he says it's "the clinic" at that moment I became paralyzed with fear and that walk suddenly seemed like a mile, it was like the movies when someone running down the hallway and the hallway zooms out and is really long. So I finally get to the phone and all I hear is "Hello Airmen Corcoran this is the clinic", my heart drops, "just wanted to let you know your hearing protection is ready." Needless to say I almost collapsed and here 21 years later I remember like it was yesterday.

No shit. There I was...

I had just opened the shed that contained the microwave modem for the Afghan Wireless shot that connected my COP to the rest of the world so a contractor could see what our infrastructure looked like. Then the first explosion happened.

Me: "We are under attack. You need to find your way back to the TOC. SGT C____ will show you where to take shelter.
Him: You aren't coming?
Me: No. There's an alarm going off here and I need to check it out first.

Unknown to me, the shelter that contained our wireless shot had been with out power for two days. (We changed SOP shortly after this.)

So I had opened the door and found the alarm going off at about the same time as the first rocket explosion. Had my conversation with the contractor and once he was on his way back to the TOC determined that the alarm was because of a no power situation.

So, WTF? Why no power? My major thought--we are under attack and our primary connection to the outside world could stop working at any time. (There was a battery backup but of an unknown life.

I start tracing lines for as far as I know--about 12".

Adjacent buildings have breakers--let's check those.

I find only a bag of tortilla chips (I've missed supper and the servers are all in the shelters). So I'm checking breakers and eating chips when I find a panel at our gym that should be supplying us but is not.

A feed line from the generator for 220 power had gone bad. But I didn't know about it, and the breaker for my shelter wasn't marked....

The maintenance chief was my next stop--we determined that we had power for an indefinite period (the backup,and that a temp line could be put in until the permanent fix could be contracted.

The Afghan Wireless people are the real heroes. They engineered a backup that would last a month or longer. All I accomplished, by round about method, was to determine that we would be okay for a while.

We restored full power the next week.




I start looking at all the adjacent structures to see if there aee tripped

We had a 2.75 rocket punched off into the dirt berm RIGHT in front of the helicopter that was doing armt checks while still on the pad. I waved off the helicopter hoping I didn't get blown onto the main rotor blades from detonation. I maintained complete control of my sphincter......that time.

I would have to say that it was the time that I was on an alarm call to one of our ICBM sites during a severe thunderstorm warning. We get to the site & start doing our site inspection when I hear the ominous "train rumble". I look back & notice this long, thin tail come down from a cloud & touch down. Its direction of travel? Straight towards our sight.

"Command post, we have a situation."
"What is it, airman?"
"Sir, we have a tornado bearing down on us. Advise on actions." (we were in the middle of nowhere w/ no cover other than the silo).
-silence-
"Command post, come back. Time is limited."
"Airman, command suggests shelter in silo."
"Come again?"

We had to open up the access port & climb down. Fortunately the tornado missed the sight. But I'm pretty sure I needed new undies after that one.

I went from PO-3rd to O-1 which meant I was an Ensign. And by definition, Ensigns screw up. I was in front of my division on the grinder at Port Hueneme for a change of command. When the order of "officers draw swords" came, I crisply pulled my sword out and swung it in the air. So far perfect with the exception of the blade coming out of the handle and whipping through the air only to impale itself into the podium. Everyone looked at me to see the butt knob fall off the grip and roll around longer than physics allows.

After the gasp, silence, and then complete melt down laughter, the Command Master Chief picked everything up and told me everything would be alright. I received the sword back at a special ceremony later. The Seabees welded everything back together to ensure no recurrence of that malfunction. To this day, feeling the slightly heavier than normal helft of the sword brings back many memories.

The "legend" continued when I deployed next. I was eating my meal in the galley which used the metal trays. My fork was hanging over the edge of the tray when I accidentally slapped it and it flew somewhere behind me. I turned around to see the Skipper holding it impaled in his desert cake saying "Kev, this really has to stop". The CMC just said he couldn't help me on this one.

When I was in Ft Lee we had room inspections from the 1LT (XO) and the other PLT SGTs and instructors, they we're checking a ceilings for contraband , The XO push the ceilings up in the Latrobe and a pair of underwear fell out with stains , the other soilders I shared a room with satired and AW as the XO pulled the underwear off his face, we had no idea how they got there I thought he was going to mess are worlds up thinking we did it, he was cool about it gave us a blank stair and said "this doesn't leave the Barracks".Told us carry on and proceeded to the next room.

Basic Training, while cleaning our weapons under a shade tree, I took it upon myself to do my impersonation of my Drill Sergeant who had a terrible lisp and spit on most of us a time or ten.

Anyways, I'm killing it! The guys are laughing and I go into this long lisp filled rant and realize that no one is laughing.

I felt a chill go thru me as I hear Drill Sgt David clear his throat....

Needless to say, I was on his list for the duration. Lots of push ups and "Area Beautification ".

As I was getting ready to leave for Redstone after graduation, he pulled me aside and told me that mine was the best impression he'd heard so far!

Of a different sort:

The New Barracks for BCT at Ft Wood in 1968 had the Orderly Room located in a different building from the rest of the Company. So the CQ runner (such as my PV1 self at this moment) would hang out in the actual orderly room in case the phone rang (forwarding? not likely) while the CQ was in the operations room in the barracks where he could .. uh .. take charge of the quarters.

I step out into a fine night for a smoke. Behind me, I hear "Click". Yes friends, having left the huge "KEY TO ORDERLY ROOM" paddle behind, I have just locked myself out of the Orderly Room. This is doubleplus ungood.

I remember that I have a basic lock pick kit in my wallet. I speculate that, surely, the door locks on a US Military Installation would not succumb to a 20-year-old PV1 with a narrow piece of formed spring steel and a nicely shaped length of piano wire.

Then again, what's to lose? To my relief and distress, it took almost 30 seconds of work to let myself back into the Orderly Room.

Todo solucionado. Was more careful about what I did with enormous key paddles when vacating for a smoke in future.

Eventually it dawned on me that I could make cigarette money letting guys back into their wall lockers after they threw their fatigues in (with keys still in pocket, natch), slammed the door and headed out for the shower.

Pay me, or go downstairs (wrapped in a towel) and ask for the 1SG's bolt cutters. I'm cheaper than a new lock in the PX, by the way, and the 1SG doesn't have to know about this incident.

"Wow, man, don't they come and hassle you every time somebody reports a stolen item?"

"Think about it: everybody in the company knows that I can open any wall locker or foot locker in under 20 seconds. I'm gonna steal something? Much better deal helping my friends out when they have a momentary loss of grip. The money averages out better."

Thought I would share another one: Happened with the same Bn Cdr/CSM whom I mentioned in my earlier post...and an early morning discussion I had with ...whome else...the XVIII Abn Corps IG office.

IG: 1SG I understand you have a remedial PT Program that you're calling PMS PT?"
1SG: Yes Sir, I sure do!"
IG: Well, 1SG, we've had a few complaints from some soldiers in your unit!"
1SG: I’m sure you’re going to share them with me, right Colonel?"
IG: Well, I would just ask you to take a minute and re-look it, you know what I mean....what you're calling it may be offensive some of your soldiers."
1SG: Sir, obviously the complaint is coming from one or two of those Fat ASS, PT Test failing, profile riding SOBs in the program.....That's why it's called "Poor Motivational Syndrone" PT, get it "PMS". Now unless you have something else to talk about...I need to get outside so I can motivate their PMS whining asses.
IG: Ahhh...1SG...
ISG: "Thanks for the call Sir, I will relay your concerns for their wellbeing this morning and then see if they will want to call you again. I have something special now planned for them. Shouldn't you be at PT this morning Sir....Come on down Sir, promise you a damn motivating PT session. Have a nice day Sir!”
The “Oh Crap” moment (which I knew was coming) came about 2 minutes later when the phone rang, it was the Bn. CSM calling, (trying to hide laughter) he says, “1SG, get your GD ass up here now, the Bn Cdr wishes to have a word with you concerning your conversation with the IG a few minutes ago!” Always poking the bear, I said, “Damn Sergeant Major, can’t the Colonel wait until I get over my PMS this morning!” The Bn Cdr, who was listening to the call(on speaker) said, “ Now 1SG, before I have to deal with the Bde Cdr, whom the IG has just threatened to call!” Oh Crap….”On the way Sir!”

The Bn Cdr's concern was that he personally approved the name of the remedial program when I started it and wrote the SOP. He thought it humorous.....until the IG and the possibility of the Bde Cdr getting a call. I never told the Bn Cdr that the Bde Cdr was already aware of it. He and I were frequent opponents on the racquetball court and had said, "don't be surprised if you hear from the IG."

Those were some super leaders back then! But I think with the changes that have taken place since then, something like this could lead to big problems up and down the chain of command...Maybe not though! I'm just saying!

*Two hours into sleep.*
BANG BANG BANG "FIRST SERGEANT!!!!"
*Oh great**Open Door*
"Grab your keys, put your shoes on and go down stairs to the dayroom now, don't bring anything else."
OSI with the assistance of the First Sergeants decided to do a dorm raid. The bang on the door and yelling of the unfamiliar first shirt was the "oh crap". Never did get back to sleep after all was said and done and I had to work that day.

Another one would be sitting in my room playing XBox and I start hearing radio chatter outside.
*Knock knock* *Open door to two guys in HAZMAT suits*
"Have you noticed any weird smells or anything that has caused your eyes to burn the past few days, mainly in the bathroom area?"
"Yea, an odd smell but nothing burning my eyes."
"May I come in and take a look?"
"Sure." (Why would I say no to the Fire Department)
*Fire Fighter in the bathroom*"We have a hit, .02"
*Fire Fighter still at the door* ".02, alright, we are going to need you to shut everything off and go down stairs. Talk to the gentleman in the ambulance."
Turns out, someone had been painting or something in their room and had left the freshly painted item near their heater to dry in a closed room (this was mid-winter). The fumes had spread throughout our section in the dorms via an access panel connected to all of our section in the bathrooms. Someone on the opposite side(our bathrooms share a common back wall) had the smell so bad it was burning her eyes. I had noticed it but took it as another usual bad smell in the old building, threw an air freshener in the bathroom and called it good. Guess it wasn't very healthy.

Those are the two that got my heart pounding. Had plenty of other little things but those were the most memorable.