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22: That is the number of veterans that END their lives every day. That is 8,030 veterans that are no longer with us come December 31, 2014. Too many veterans are dying each year and we need to do better as a nation to battle this statistic. I, for one, almost became part of that statistic last year. I was lucky my wife somehow figured out something was not right because the VA did not help me. Instead, they kept me on a zip-lock bag of medications that I told them made me feel numb and zombie-like. The medications were the reason I was ready to take my own life. They said my medications were not the problem, I just needed to get used to the “new me”. I almost accepted their reasoning, and it would have killed me if I did.
The big problem is the stigma that goes with mental health problems. I just heard someone say the other day, “people who commit or attempt suicide are some of the weakest people.” No, we are not. Some of us have been in dark places for years and ultimately see no light at the end of the tunnel. We think the only way to feel better and alleviate the burden on our families is to end our own lives. In my mind, the stigma won’t ever leave until the whole country is educated about the mindsets of suicidal people.
We need to be more proactive in our treatments of depression and mental sickness. We need to be educated on the side effects of the medicines prescribed to us. I was guilty of taking whatever the VA prescribed me without question. It seemed like for the first 2 months, every time I turned around, more medications kept being added to battle the side effects of another. Or they would ask, “Are you still angry?” and I would say yes, so they would keep upping the dosage.
I ask you all to be a good friend and look for the red flags. If you wondering what some red flags may be, I would say listen to “Red Flags” by Soldier Hard. It is a great song that will educate those who don’t really know what to look for. Don’t be afraid to talk to your friend if he looks like he needs help – realize that a veteran who seems like he is going to hurt himself, wants and needs help whether or not he admits it. I can tell you I was afraid to admit I needed help because I felt it made me look weak.
From my personal experience, I felt lost in life because after retirement, I felt like I lost who I was. To me, I was BU2(SCW) Ferretti - Navy Seabee. I did not know how to be Corey Ferretti as a civilian. I also felt like I lost my mission in life and I could not easily get hired. When I finally did get hired, I had troubles adjusting to working there since it was so different than everything I knew. They were great employers, but I just walked out because I could not deal with my own life. I think if more veterans knew to focus on finding a new mission in life once they got out, it would help them so much. There are many veteran-focused groups out there, like Team Rubicon for example, who provide disaster relief. Find something that you love and find a way to make it your work. For me, horses saved my life. I am now apprenticing as a Farrier - I have a lot to learn, but I get to work with horses every day and they are my therapy.
I’m sure there are others on RallyPoint who wouldn’t mind sharing their stories in order to help those who might be in a bad place but don’t want to bring it up. If you’re in a bad place, I would be happy to talk more about my story if you have any questions. A question to other veterans: how have you found your new “life mission” after leaving service?
The big problem is the stigma that goes with mental health problems. I just heard someone say the other day, “people who commit or attempt suicide are some of the weakest people.” No, we are not. Some of us have been in dark places for years and ultimately see no light at the end of the tunnel. We think the only way to feel better and alleviate the burden on our families is to end our own lives. In my mind, the stigma won’t ever leave until the whole country is educated about the mindsets of suicidal people.
We need to be more proactive in our treatments of depression and mental sickness. We need to be educated on the side effects of the medicines prescribed to us. I was guilty of taking whatever the VA prescribed me without question. It seemed like for the first 2 months, every time I turned around, more medications kept being added to battle the side effects of another. Or they would ask, “Are you still angry?” and I would say yes, so they would keep upping the dosage.
I ask you all to be a good friend and look for the red flags. If you wondering what some red flags may be, I would say listen to “Red Flags” by Soldier Hard. It is a great song that will educate those who don’t really know what to look for. Don’t be afraid to talk to your friend if he looks like he needs help – realize that a veteran who seems like he is going to hurt himself, wants and needs help whether or not he admits it. I can tell you I was afraid to admit I needed help because I felt it made me look weak.
From my personal experience, I felt lost in life because after retirement, I felt like I lost who I was. To me, I was BU2(SCW) Ferretti - Navy Seabee. I did not know how to be Corey Ferretti as a civilian. I also felt like I lost my mission in life and I could not easily get hired. When I finally did get hired, I had troubles adjusting to working there since it was so different than everything I knew. They were great employers, but I just walked out because I could not deal with my own life. I think if more veterans knew to focus on finding a new mission in life once they got out, it would help them so much. There are many veteran-focused groups out there, like Team Rubicon for example, who provide disaster relief. Find something that you love and find a way to make it your work. For me, horses saved my life. I am now apprenticing as a Farrier - I have a lot to learn, but I get to work with horses every day and they are my therapy.
I’m sure there are others on RallyPoint who wouldn’t mind sharing their stories in order to help those who might be in a bad place but don’t want to bring it up. If you’re in a bad place, I would be happy to talk more about my story if you have any questions. A question to other veterans: how have you found your new “life mission” after leaving service?
Suicide
Health
Depression
Command Post
Posted >1 y ago
Responses: 71
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PO2 Corey Ferretti: Twenty Two Veterans per day: is ONE Veteran too MANY!
There are feelings of: isolation, hopelessness, desperation, lack of Love, etc., that are concomitant with suicidal ideations.
The link to my: 'Group for Suicidal Active Duty and for Suicidal Veterans' is the following:
http//:http://www.facebook.com/groupforsuicidalactivedutyandforsuicidalveterans
If you are: (1) SUICIDAL (2) In an emotional crisis (3) or, if you just want to talk-
PLEASE CALL THE NATIONAL SUICIDE PREVENTION LIFELINE AT: [login to see] . BE SURE TO PRESS 1 FOR ACTIVE DUTY/VETERANS.
The counselor at the other end of the line: will keep everything you say to him/her- absolutely CONFIDENTIAL.
Also, the LAST RESORT for your counselor, would be to call the Police.
PLEASE HANG IN THERE FOR ME. PLEASE KEEP YOURSELF DECIDEDLY SAFE AND SECURE FOR ME.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR SELFLESS SERVICE AND FOR YOUR BRAVE, BRAVE SACRIFICE.
MUCH, MUCH OBLIGED.
-With All of My HONOR, RESPECT, SUPPORT, COMPASSION AND LOVE,
Margaret C. Higgins U.S. Army Retired: Coach
There are feelings of: isolation, hopelessness, desperation, lack of Love, etc., that are concomitant with suicidal ideations.
The link to my: 'Group for Suicidal Active Duty and for Suicidal Veterans' is the following:
http//:http://www.facebook.com/groupforsuicidalactivedutyandforsuicidalveterans
If you are: (1) SUICIDAL (2) In an emotional crisis (3) or, if you just want to talk-
PLEASE CALL THE NATIONAL SUICIDE PREVENTION LIFELINE AT: [login to see] . BE SURE TO PRESS 1 FOR ACTIVE DUTY/VETERANS.
The counselor at the other end of the line: will keep everything you say to him/her- absolutely CONFIDENTIAL.
Also, the LAST RESORT for your counselor, would be to call the Police.
PLEASE HANG IN THERE FOR ME. PLEASE KEEP YOURSELF DECIDEDLY SAFE AND SECURE FOR ME.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR SELFLESS SERVICE AND FOR YOUR BRAVE, BRAVE SACRIFICE.
MUCH, MUCH OBLIGED.
-With All of My HONOR, RESPECT, SUPPORT, COMPASSION AND LOVE,
Margaret C. Higgins U.S. Army Retired: Coach
See posts, photos and more on Facebook.
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I am glad you are still with us and that you have found the help you so greatly deserved.
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The info behind those numbers are flawed. It could be more or less than 22. First, the information was taken from death certificates in only 21 states. Second, the death certificates do not normally denote whether the deceased is a veteran. Third, of those Suicides, how could they extrapolate that their suicide is related to their military service. Fourth, they even admit that their information is not complete and/or accurate.
Caveat: I am not saying the number is wrong, but we do not have all the information, so before you shoot the messenger, consider what I have said before you start firing rounds in my direction.
Caveat: I am not saying the number is wrong, but we do not have all the information, so before you shoot the messenger, consider what I have said before you start firing rounds in my direction.
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1. I scan for PTSD soldiers and Veterans to see if they want my help.
2. When it comes to medication, one should state which meds are making life worse.
3. Some of the therapy can't show Veterans how to get out of the dark place. Future recovery is predicated on a Veteran to get out of the dark deep place.
4. Don't give a rats ass what others think.
5. Did you get an unemployability rating?
2. When it comes to medication, one should state which meds are making life worse.
3. Some of the therapy can't show Veterans how to get out of the dark place. Future recovery is predicated on a Veteran to get out of the dark deep place.
4. Don't give a rats ass what others think.
5. Did you get an unemployability rating?
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PO2 Corey Ferretti
Ohh sorry did not realize that was for me. I'm rated 80% I don't want to to become no working. Working is what keeps me going everyday beside my wife and daughter.
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SPC George Rudenko
It means that we are failing in evvery regard. Local, state, federal, military and veterans affairs.
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MAJ Ken Landgren
I understand your desires, and I am at 100% VA rating. I cant work because I have memory problems and I don't have the quickness to work lower end jobs, and I don't have the mental acuity to work high end jobs. I lift weights, clean the kitchen, sometimes cook, and I like blogging here.
However, I would be remiss for not informing you what the other half has to offer. Most likely you qualify for the VA Caregiver funds which ranges $1400-2100 to pay someone like your wife to perform all the necessary chores to sustain you. You most like qualify for SSDI which averages around $1150 per month. It is heavily dependent on how much SS taxes you paid in your lifetime. There is another add benefit from SS. You will get $1000 a month divided by how my children you have. I am just trying to help out!
However, I would be remiss for not informing you what the other half has to offer. Most likely you qualify for the VA Caregiver funds which ranges $1400-2100 to pay someone like your wife to perform all the necessary chores to sustain you. You most like qualify for SSDI which averages around $1150 per month. It is heavily dependent on how much SS taxes you paid in your lifetime. There is another add benefit from SS. You will get $1000 a month divided by how my children you have. I am just trying to help out!
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PO2 Corey Ferretti thank you for sharing your battle, and you nailed it! Even the way we refer to it mental health "issues" makes it seem like it is something that can be swept aside like it is a personal problem as opposed to the serious medical condition that it actually is. Once we remove the stigma that goes along with these serious conditions, then we can start the healing process. I will say it until it happens the only acceptable number is ZERO! The VA not helping is sad, but not surprising. There are so many with easily identifiable physical injuries, and those physical injuries are so much easier to treat than an injury to the soul.
The first thing that needs to be established is trust. The injured party needs to trust that the care giver is genuinely trying to help, and not simply paying "lip service" or even worse judging that injured person. If the person who needs help doesn't feel that they can trust the care giver, they will never open up to the care giver. If they won't open up to the care giver, then they cannot begin the healing process. Even worse, if the person in need of help feels that they are being judged, they will close up, internalize more, and then their condition deteriorates instead of improving.
We need a system where first off mental health before, during, and after the active duty cycle of a Sailor, Marine, Airman, and Soldier are treated as an important part of the overall health of the service, rather than as the punch line of a joke. Second, those who will be providing care must be thoroughly vetted to ensure that those individuals understand the differences between dealing with a civilian and a military mindset. Third, there need to be peer support groups where a service member can go, and open to people with similar experiences without the fear of being judged for what they say.
I do like to refer to these types of conditions as mental health issues, or even conditions. I think that it goes far deeper than that. I think that what it really amounts to is an injury to the soul. If a soldier is wounded in combat, the wound is going to be treated, medication may be administered to manage other symptoms that come along with the injury, such as pain, inflamation, and infection. The key is that the life threatening injury is addressed first, medication administered second. I think that a similar approach should be taken when dealing with injuries to the soul. First off, 22 veteran suicides a day says that these are life threatening injuries. So they should be treated the same way. Deal with the injury first, add medication after if necessary. I think it is just easier to say, "oh you feel sad, here take a pill." It does not address the root condition, it simply addresses a symptom of the problem. If you watch TV, you may have seen commercials for psychotropic medications. One of the main side effects is that they can increase suicidal ideation. So the medicine that is supposed to help with your mood actually can cause the person to want to kill themselves. How is this in any way helpful?
So now we get to the hardest part of all. How? How do you treat an injury that cannot be seen? How to you heal an injury that cannot be repaired with stitches or surgery? How do you help a person that may not feel that they have anyone they can confide in? This is where a change in our culture needs to occur. Instead of attaching the stigma of crazy, loopy, psycho, mental, head case, or whatever negative connotation is normally associated with a soul injury, try addressing it as a serious medical problem. Instead of looking down on someone who comes forward and says "hey I need help." we need to applaud them for having the courage to admit that they cannot do it alone. We as a society need to be working toward that ZERO!
sorry for the long post, but this is an important subject.
The first thing that needs to be established is trust. The injured party needs to trust that the care giver is genuinely trying to help, and not simply paying "lip service" or even worse judging that injured person. If the person who needs help doesn't feel that they can trust the care giver, they will never open up to the care giver. If they won't open up to the care giver, then they cannot begin the healing process. Even worse, if the person in need of help feels that they are being judged, they will close up, internalize more, and then their condition deteriorates instead of improving.
We need a system where first off mental health before, during, and after the active duty cycle of a Sailor, Marine, Airman, and Soldier are treated as an important part of the overall health of the service, rather than as the punch line of a joke. Second, those who will be providing care must be thoroughly vetted to ensure that those individuals understand the differences between dealing with a civilian and a military mindset. Third, there need to be peer support groups where a service member can go, and open to people with similar experiences without the fear of being judged for what they say.
I do like to refer to these types of conditions as mental health issues, or even conditions. I think that it goes far deeper than that. I think that what it really amounts to is an injury to the soul. If a soldier is wounded in combat, the wound is going to be treated, medication may be administered to manage other symptoms that come along with the injury, such as pain, inflamation, and infection. The key is that the life threatening injury is addressed first, medication administered second. I think that a similar approach should be taken when dealing with injuries to the soul. First off, 22 veteran suicides a day says that these are life threatening injuries. So they should be treated the same way. Deal with the injury first, add medication after if necessary. I think it is just easier to say, "oh you feel sad, here take a pill." It does not address the root condition, it simply addresses a symptom of the problem. If you watch TV, you may have seen commercials for psychotropic medications. One of the main side effects is that they can increase suicidal ideation. So the medicine that is supposed to help with your mood actually can cause the person to want to kill themselves. How is this in any way helpful?
So now we get to the hardest part of all. How? How do you treat an injury that cannot be seen? How to you heal an injury that cannot be repaired with stitches or surgery? How do you help a person that may not feel that they have anyone they can confide in? This is where a change in our culture needs to occur. Instead of attaching the stigma of crazy, loopy, psycho, mental, head case, or whatever negative connotation is normally associated with a soul injury, try addressing it as a serious medical problem. Instead of looking down on someone who comes forward and says "hey I need help." we need to applaud them for having the courage to admit that they cannot do it alone. We as a society need to be working toward that ZERO!
sorry for the long post, but this is an important subject.
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LCDR Jeffery Dixon
Th enumber of veterans committing suicide each day. The rest of us (including me) need to get off of our butts and fix this.
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PO3 Steven Sherrill
LCDR Jeffery Dixon - That's how it starts! One person stands up, then another, then it spreads like wild fire, and we put this particular demon in the hole it belongs in. Saving lives, good people's lives, along the way.
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SPC Sheila Lewis
This means there are Veterans who struggle with a battle, and the unkind, counterproductive "stigma" that accompanies it; maybe, a fresh perspective is needed to identify combat-induced issues as opposed to the traditional....meaning a psychosis or neurosis that developed during childhood/adulthood. Maybe a better example is depression, because combat-induced depression should be viewed differently than depression in childhood or adulthood.
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Indeed, THAT IS THE NUMBER OF VETERANS THAT COMMIT SUICIDE PER DAY.
By clicking on this link, you will get straight to my Group for Suicidal Active Duty and for Suicidal Veterans; on Facebook. http://www.facebook.com/groupforsuicidalactivedutyandforsuicidalveterans
By clicking on this link, you will get straight to my Group for Suicidal Active Duty and for Suicidal Veterans; on Facebook. http://www.facebook.com/groupforsuicidalactivedutyandforsuicidalveterans
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I think as SM, Retirees, and Veterans we are doing Piss Poor job in having the back of our brother and sisters in arms. With that said, the Command of the Units of SM, Tri-care, the VA, and local Mental Health are failing big time for they are the secondary net that is suppose to catch them after we fail. The Fail Safe as it were. Just sad that may of us seem to lose to hope and have to take their lives.
I myself was there earlier this year, but that was after years of being bullied by my wife, and her family. She had learned I was diagnose with Depression when I was in the 82nd. I think to this day it was PTSD, but that another story. Well for short story, after she found out, for years she had been riding me about little things. When she did this she would trap me in our bathroom where I didn't have no way out, she knew I wouldn't raise hand to her. She yell and badger me until I walk past her, and walk out the door. With her scream I wasn't man for not staying to settle what ever this fight was about. Usually it was bullshit.
During this time I was taking classes at Lake Superior State University for Computer Science BS degree. Well when I was to graduate she knew we would have to move, I believe she was doing lot of this so she and kids could stay in the U.P. of Michigan. Well anyways, I had money saved about time to graduate, so we could move after I had secure employment. Well about time I started my last term of classes. Her brother and sister-in-law who lived in Arizona broke up. She took the car and kids to PA, and he had nowhere to go, so he moved up to where we lived. We lived with her dad, since he was unable to live by himself due to auto accident several years before. Well a month later his wife calls up and tells him, he has to come and get the kids. So he heads out to bring the kids back, the thing is we don't have any room to sleep the three kids with our two without getting bunk beds. Also her brother doesn't have money to go out to get the kids. So we loan out money, and go out buy bunk beds...err... October and the kids show up no heavy coats, shoes, boots, hats, or gloves. Clothes they had weren't good for school...Remember the money I said I had saved up. Well it was going fast... Within two weeks his wife calls and now she needs a place to say and needs gas money.
Well his wife gets there, and then my wife dad gets to the Hospital, he has staph infection, three balls of it in his belly they need to drain. Well they couldn't deal with it at the Hospital at the Sault Ste. Marie, MI where we live, so they sent him to the Hospital in Petoskey. 120 miles away and across the Mackinaw Bridge, well her dad didn't want to go, Jennie had to send her down, and it broke to send him. He never forgave her for it, yet I was her rock even though she had kept nagging me for the previous years. I had hope we would get closer.
Well her father was in hospital out of town for 3 months. They found about dozen things that could of killed him. He came home just after I graduated, and was 100% care. I went out tried to land job down in Lansing and Detroit Area, but no luck later to come to find out I have Seizure disorder but not find that out for another 7 years. Well we had one sister-in-law who was staying with her while I was out of town, and she wouldn't take her meds or go back home for her doctor appointments to get her meds. So I had to quit leaving town, and stay home to drive her and her dad around to appointment 4 to 5 days a week. Kinda hard to get a job when the appoints were spread out throughout the day. He also developed a habit when he needed something at home, on Jennie could get it. Even if she wasn't home, she was the only one who could so it for her. It was getting so bad, one night he intentionally fell to the floor. It took three of us to lift him back into his chair, three times because he was throwing himself back down. Last time he did, I told him if he landed back on the floor again, I would be calling 911 and he would be back in ER, because he must have some type of ear infection affecting his balance. He stayed in his chaired and straighten out, funny how former RNs hate going to the ER.
Well we went out see Jennie other Sister for Christmas, and at this time left the other Sister at her place. When we went home, shortly there after her father came out and said he wanted to move out to be near his other grand kids. So Jennie made the arrangements and had found 4 bedroom townhouse unit that nears her sisters we could move into. During this time Jennie started to nag again, due to the stress. Her dad new complaint had been for long time had been we had stop paying rent, but since he was out of the hospital, we were doing lot more for him. Before then he taking care of himself, doing much more, I was getting funding to go school. Afterward with having to drive him to appointments at all hours of the days, having to keep an open schedule so help get him scheduled for his appointments when they had openings. He didn't quite understand that concept if he had to have someone else come in he would be paying them we were doing free more or less, we provide meals and took care of our and our kids needs.
Well we moved, and he suddenly decided he wasn't going to pay anything. Even though it was his idea to move in the first place. This caused more stress, and Jennie and her sisters would start nagging at me. It became past time, where Jennie and one sister or her mother would sit there nag all the time over all sort of things. Well there happen to be fight between me and her father over the fact he kept knocking for things, and Jennie wasn't up, and he didn't want anything and waiting for Jennie. I told him he the one doing without not me. Pissed him off, and then her sisters came down and we had blow out. I was called everything but white. I was threaten that if anything happen to Jennie that they would see that I would never see my kids again ever.
Well after that my wife found that life easier her dad moved out of the house down to her sister. She decide she would take him to show me that her dad wasn't the problem and that I was. Well after first week she found he was the royal pain, but Jennie wouldn't take him back. She realize that the tension she had was gone, we weren't at each other throat. Seems like she had forgotten about trying to drive me out of her life for the time being. About 3 months later he found himself in nursing due to out of control blood pressure spikes. Drove Jennie over the edge, and she said she would like break so I took time at cousin for a while. Before I went down and while down in Saginaw I had tried to go see V.A. mental health worker. Jennie and her sister who suffer from Depression were insisting that I see one for my Depression, which the claim I was suffering from (well yeah from their games). Well the time I was in Saginaw was the time the news broke out about Pheniox. Came back her dad spent 9 months in the nursing home before he died. I think Jennie was starting to have mental break down. My daughter at 13 was starting to have mental breakdown too, she had lived with her grandfather all her life.
Well after his death the nagging started again, with Jennie and all the Sister and Mother. It got so bad Jennie was demanding that I see someone about my mental health, which I didn't think I needed too. I didn't want to non-VA mental health work, and didn't trust talking about what was happen in home life due to the fact that one of my abusers actually went to the same clinic. I am sure I was already label as the abuser, so no sense of trying to throw that label off my back there. Well around Thanksgiving and Christmas she kept hinting she wanted nothing more than have gone, stop having anything to do with me. Really think about this time she had found another lover, but that another story. About the same time her nephew had gf throw him out just before Christmas, and she with her sister called this gf who was family friend everything, but a friend of the family.
Well out wedding anny is Feb. 14. On Feb. 4th I came back home to told that I had to move out, and I would be out by the weekend, she could care less I just paid bills that were only in here name out account in my name only that left me next to nothing to live on for 3 weeks. Or the fact, that my name was still on the Rental Lease, so technically she had to give me 30 days. The fact, is I couldn't take the mental abuse, and she kept harping and said more than once I should move to Saginaw Area since I had family there and VA Hospital there. So I left, in hindsight she was baiting me to leave.
Since then I have seek counseling and much calmer. No longer under the stress of being needle all the time. Filed for Divorce and trying to get partial custody of my kids. Found out I do suffer from Seizures too. Will be filing for 100% non-service connected unemployable here shortly. Trying to stabilize myself, and trust people again.
Look for that some out there who loves me for me. Not acting as gold digger.
I myself was there earlier this year, but that was after years of being bullied by my wife, and her family. She had learned I was diagnose with Depression when I was in the 82nd. I think to this day it was PTSD, but that another story. Well for short story, after she found out, for years she had been riding me about little things. When she did this she would trap me in our bathroom where I didn't have no way out, she knew I wouldn't raise hand to her. She yell and badger me until I walk past her, and walk out the door. With her scream I wasn't man for not staying to settle what ever this fight was about. Usually it was bullshit.
During this time I was taking classes at Lake Superior State University for Computer Science BS degree. Well when I was to graduate she knew we would have to move, I believe she was doing lot of this so she and kids could stay in the U.P. of Michigan. Well anyways, I had money saved about time to graduate, so we could move after I had secure employment. Well about time I started my last term of classes. Her brother and sister-in-law who lived in Arizona broke up. She took the car and kids to PA, and he had nowhere to go, so he moved up to where we lived. We lived with her dad, since he was unable to live by himself due to auto accident several years before. Well a month later his wife calls up and tells him, he has to come and get the kids. So he heads out to bring the kids back, the thing is we don't have any room to sleep the three kids with our two without getting bunk beds. Also her brother doesn't have money to go out to get the kids. So we loan out money, and go out buy bunk beds...err... October and the kids show up no heavy coats, shoes, boots, hats, or gloves. Clothes they had weren't good for school...Remember the money I said I had saved up. Well it was going fast... Within two weeks his wife calls and now she needs a place to say and needs gas money.
Well his wife gets there, and then my wife dad gets to the Hospital, he has staph infection, three balls of it in his belly they need to drain. Well they couldn't deal with it at the Hospital at the Sault Ste. Marie, MI where we live, so they sent him to the Hospital in Petoskey. 120 miles away and across the Mackinaw Bridge, well her dad didn't want to go, Jennie had to send her down, and it broke to send him. He never forgave her for it, yet I was her rock even though she had kept nagging me for the previous years. I had hope we would get closer.
Well her father was in hospital out of town for 3 months. They found about dozen things that could of killed him. He came home just after I graduated, and was 100% care. I went out tried to land job down in Lansing and Detroit Area, but no luck later to come to find out I have Seizure disorder but not find that out for another 7 years. Well we had one sister-in-law who was staying with her while I was out of town, and she wouldn't take her meds or go back home for her doctor appointments to get her meds. So I had to quit leaving town, and stay home to drive her and her dad around to appointment 4 to 5 days a week. Kinda hard to get a job when the appoints were spread out throughout the day. He also developed a habit when he needed something at home, on Jennie could get it. Even if she wasn't home, she was the only one who could so it for her. It was getting so bad, one night he intentionally fell to the floor. It took three of us to lift him back into his chair, three times because he was throwing himself back down. Last time he did, I told him if he landed back on the floor again, I would be calling 911 and he would be back in ER, because he must have some type of ear infection affecting his balance. He stayed in his chaired and straighten out, funny how former RNs hate going to the ER.
Well we went out see Jennie other Sister for Christmas, and at this time left the other Sister at her place. When we went home, shortly there after her father came out and said he wanted to move out to be near his other grand kids. So Jennie made the arrangements and had found 4 bedroom townhouse unit that nears her sisters we could move into. During this time Jennie started to nag again, due to the stress. Her dad new complaint had been for long time had been we had stop paying rent, but since he was out of the hospital, we were doing lot more for him. Before then he taking care of himself, doing much more, I was getting funding to go school. Afterward with having to drive him to appointments at all hours of the days, having to keep an open schedule so help get him scheduled for his appointments when they had openings. He didn't quite understand that concept if he had to have someone else come in he would be paying them we were doing free more or less, we provide meals and took care of our and our kids needs.
Well we moved, and he suddenly decided he wasn't going to pay anything. Even though it was his idea to move in the first place. This caused more stress, and Jennie and her sisters would start nagging at me. It became past time, where Jennie and one sister or her mother would sit there nag all the time over all sort of things. Well there happen to be fight between me and her father over the fact he kept knocking for things, and Jennie wasn't up, and he didn't want anything and waiting for Jennie. I told him he the one doing without not me. Pissed him off, and then her sisters came down and we had blow out. I was called everything but white. I was threaten that if anything happen to Jennie that they would see that I would never see my kids again ever.
Well after that my wife found that life easier her dad moved out of the house down to her sister. She decide she would take him to show me that her dad wasn't the problem and that I was. Well after first week she found he was the royal pain, but Jennie wouldn't take him back. She realize that the tension she had was gone, we weren't at each other throat. Seems like she had forgotten about trying to drive me out of her life for the time being. About 3 months later he found himself in nursing due to out of control blood pressure spikes. Drove Jennie over the edge, and she said she would like break so I took time at cousin for a while. Before I went down and while down in Saginaw I had tried to go see V.A. mental health worker. Jennie and her sister who suffer from Depression were insisting that I see one for my Depression, which the claim I was suffering from (well yeah from their games). Well the time I was in Saginaw was the time the news broke out about Pheniox. Came back her dad spent 9 months in the nursing home before he died. I think Jennie was starting to have mental break down. My daughter at 13 was starting to have mental breakdown too, she had lived with her grandfather all her life.
Well after his death the nagging started again, with Jennie and all the Sister and Mother. It got so bad Jennie was demanding that I see someone about my mental health, which I didn't think I needed too. I didn't want to non-VA mental health work, and didn't trust talking about what was happen in home life due to the fact that one of my abusers actually went to the same clinic. I am sure I was already label as the abuser, so no sense of trying to throw that label off my back there. Well around Thanksgiving and Christmas she kept hinting she wanted nothing more than have gone, stop having anything to do with me. Really think about this time she had found another lover, but that another story. About the same time her nephew had gf throw him out just before Christmas, and she with her sister called this gf who was family friend everything, but a friend of the family.
Well out wedding anny is Feb. 14. On Feb. 4th I came back home to told that I had to move out, and I would be out by the weekend, she could care less I just paid bills that were only in here name out account in my name only that left me next to nothing to live on for 3 weeks. Or the fact, that my name was still on the Rental Lease, so technically she had to give me 30 days. The fact, is I couldn't take the mental abuse, and she kept harping and said more than once I should move to Saginaw Area since I had family there and VA Hospital there. So I left, in hindsight she was baiting me to leave.
Since then I have seek counseling and much calmer. No longer under the stress of being needle all the time. Filed for Divorce and trying to get partial custody of my kids. Found out I do suffer from Seizures too. Will be filing for 100% non-service connected unemployable here shortly. Trying to stabilize myself, and trust people again.
Look for that some out there who loves me for me. Not acting as gold digger.
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